


Severus Snape's Recovery

by SevSnapelivesforever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father Figures, Good Dumbledore, Good Tom Riddle, Guardian-Ward Relationship, Healers, Hurt Severus Snape, Hurt/Comfort, Magical Bond, Mentor Minerva McGonagall, Mentors, No Slash, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Hogwarts, Sane Tom Riddle, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 01:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13493526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevSnapelivesforever/pseuds/SevSnapelivesforever
Summary: [COMPLETE] Nineteen-year-old Severus Snape is dangerously close to the edge. As the young professor struggles with depression, habits that he’d hoped to leave behind resurface, and he once again finds himself craving the solace of his blade. It’s up to his mentors, Albus and Minerva, to find him help before it’s too late.And, well, after the intervention? All Severus can really say is that the path to recovery certainly isn’t what he’d expected.





	1. Chapter One

Professor Severus Snape picked irritably at his food, glowering at the unfortunate few students who caught his eye. He moodily stabbed a carrot, wishing once again that the headmaster didn’t require professors to eat dinner in the Great Hall. He had protested against the policy multiple times since he’d been hired, but the older wizard always said something ridiculous along the lines of “needing to spend time bonding with your colleagues.” Severus snorted. _Like that was going to happen._

Feeling the weight of a stare, he glanced up, meeting Albus Dumbledore’s concerned gaze. Severus barely withheld a wince as the older man looked pointedly down at his completely full plate. The potions master suspected it hadn’t gone unnoticed that he’d skipped breakfast and lunch. Despite the glamours covering his skeletal frame, the headmaster somehow seemed to know that something was off. _Damn those omniscient, twinkling blue eyes._ Severus sighed and speared another carrot, bringing it to his mouth and glaring at his employer. Albus nodded in approval but continued watching as the young man reluctantly chewed and swallowed.

Severus knew that he should eat more, but his appetite had vanished ever since his closest friend had died. Thankfully, he was quite adept at wandless vanishing charms. A few muttered words under his breath, and the food would disappear. Or at least it would once Albus stopped staring at him. Really, hadn’t anyone ever told the man that it was rude to stare?

Albus held back a chuckle when his youngest professor turned to glare at him. He knew that he was scrutinizing the boy, but he couldn’t help it. Something was clearly wrong with the young man, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He could tell that Severus was wearing glamours, but there was something else as well… The headmaster frowned. He would have to visit his potions master’s quarters for a serious talk soon. Of course, he could always call Severus up to his office, but the young man would likely try to bolt as soon as he realized what they would be discussing. And if he warded his office and locked Severus in, he might as well say goodbye to his office and all of his trinkets. Not that he really cared, but some were quite rare, and he didn't want them all destroyed in one sitting, if he could help it.

Albus turned his attention back to his plate, frowning when he caught a flicker out of the corner of his eye. “Did you see that?” he muttered quietly to his colleague, nodding almost imperceptibly towards Severus.

Minerva inclined her head, her eyes worried. “You have to talk to him, Albus!” she whispered. “You’re the only one who can force him to get the help he needs.”

“I’ll speak with him tomorrow after classes,” Albus murmured. Turning his attention back to Severus, he raised an eyebrow at the now completely empty plate. The boy was clearly not thinking straight if he had vanished his food in such a conspicuous way. Severus was the ultimate Slytherin, and such an obvious maneuver was very unlike him.

“Hungry, Severus? You certainly ate fast. The food almost seemed to vanish off of your plate,” Albus commented evenly, not breaking eye contact with the young man.

Severus paled and swallowed nervously. “Yes, Headmaster. May I be excused, please? I have a lot of work to do.”

Albus frowned but inclined his head, conceding defeat for the moment, and the young man quickly strode for the door.

“Severus needs help, Albus,” Minerva said quietly, watching her young colleague as he disappeared through the door. Despite Severus’ adamant claims that he was “perfectly fine,” it was clear that the boy was still grieving for his best friend. Lily Potter’s death had been a devastating blow to all of the Hogwarts professors, but Severus had been especially affected, having known Lily since childhood.

“The boy cannot continue to neglect his health for much longer. He barely eats enough to feed a pixie!” Pomona exclaimed.

“And I’m sure you’ve all noticed the glamours. Severus is a powerful wizard for his age, but he is still only nineteen. His magic isn’t yet strong enough to fool any of the staff,” Filius commented sadly.

Minerva nodded worriedly. “We must watch him carefully to ensure that he doesn’t return to the self-destructive habits he had during his school years. If he already has..."

The professors fell silent. Severus had been their student only a few years ago, and they all clearly remembered what the young man had resorted to while struggling with depression.

“I will make sure that Severus gets the help he needs, although he’ll likely be very unhappy about it,” Albus sighed. “Once Poppy returns from her healer’s conference tomorrow morning, I’ll have Severus stop by so that she can run a diagnostic.”

“Albus, you know that the only way Severus will go to the hospital wing is if he’s dragged kicking and screaming,” Minerva said with a hint of exasperation. “Well, that or hit with a petrificus totalus and levitated to the infirmary,” she added wryly. “It certainly worked the last time he was ill, although Severus was so enraged that I was afraid he would hex me the second Poppy released him and gave him back his wand!”

“Ah, yes. I seem to remember Severus confronting you quite angrily about that in the staff room. Although if my memory serves me right, that particular disagreement ended with the young man in question being swatted quite firmly on his behind,” Albus said, his eyes twinkling.

Two pink spots appeared on Minerva’s cheeks. “Yes, well, I may have lost my patience with him after five minutes of being yelled and cursed at, so I administered discipline as is my duty for the professors under my authority,” the Deputy Headmistress defended. The staff all laughed in amusement.

“Severus certainly can be a handful at times,” Filius chuckled.

“Indeed he can,” Minerva said fondly. “I just can’t help but mother him when I see him neglecting his health. He is clearly struggling to take care of himself, at least in terms of his food consumption. And underneath those glamours, he might be struggling with more issues,” she finished somberly.  

“I know, Minerva. I hope that Poppy will not find any other issues besides his weight, but regardless, perhaps it would be good for Severus to speak with his old mind healer,” Albus replied. “Do you all remember him?”

“It's rather impossible to forget who his healer was,” Minerva muttered.

Pomona chuckled. “Indeed. I think I almost had a heart attack when you told me exactly who was going to be coming back to the castle to work with Severus. I think we all thought you’d finally cracked, Albus.”

“My dear, I’m offended! What on earth would make you think I’d become senile?” Albus asked, his eyes twinkling. Filius and Pomona both snorted, and Minerva merely shook her head in exasperation. Albus smiled happily, reaching into a pocket of his hideously colored robes and pulling out a tin. “Lemon drop, anyone?”

* * *

Back in his personal quarters, the potions master was cursing himself for his mistake at dinner. He’d been in a hurry to return to the solitude of his dungeons and had stupidly vanished too much food at one time, instead of vanishing it bite by bite. Now all of his colleagues at least suspected what he’d been doing, and that meant the headmaster was bound to come interrogate him about his eating habits soon. Severus paced the room in agitation, his mind running furiously. _How could I mess up so badly? If Albus finds out the truth about my eating, he’s going to tell Poppy, and then she and Minerva will mollycoddle me to death at every meal! Even worse, Poppy will run a diagnostic and confine me to the hospital wing once she realizes what I’ve been doing!_

Severus cursed angrily and started waving his wand in a series of motions, warding his door and floo against his colleagues. The wards definitely wouldn’t hold up for very long against Albus, but if triggered, he would hopefully have just enough time to hide the evidence. Walking over to his desk, Severus opened the drawer, taking out what had come to be his most vital possession.

The young man stared bitterly at the gleaming knife held in his clenched hand. He had started cutting six months ago after he’d failed to save the life of his best friend and honorary sister, Lily Potter. She had contracted exitiale languorem, a fatal illness that the medical community had yet to find a cure for. Severus had brewed and experimented for months, but in the end, he had failed to create a potion to cure her. It was his fault that she had died. He was the youngest potions master in a century - he should have been good enough to create a cure! But instead he had failed, and as a result, Lily had died.

Severus jerkily unbuttoned his cuff and shoved his sleeve up, placing the knife on his forearm where new scabs and old scars littered the skin. He dragged the blade across his arm, wincing at the jolt of pain but sighing in relief, grateful for the distraction. He needed the distraction of physical pain when everything became too much to handle. Cutting gave him that release. It let him feel something other than the guilt and sorrow that constantly plagued him.

So he needed it, simple as that. And while it maybe wasn’t the healthiest way of coping, he had no plans to stop.

* * *

The next morning found the potions professor waiting impatiently in his office for his first class to arrive. Severus had applied his glamours as soon as he’d woken up, covering up his newest injuries and gaunt appearance. He’d also skipped breakfast again, not wanting to have to face Albus so early in the morning. He would make up an excuse whenever the headmaster came to interrogate him about missing meals and vanishing food. After all, his appointment as the Head of Slytherin had not been groundless; Severus was extremely talented at the arts of manipulation and deceit.

And even if Albus didn’t believe him, the man wouldn’t be able to prove anything unless he dragged Severus to the hospital wing, and Albus thankfully wasn’t really the type to drag people places, unlike a certain other colleague that he had.

Severus shuddered as he remembered the last time he’d been forced into the infirmary. Minerva had actually had the _nerve_ to petrify him and then levitate him all the way to the hospital wing where she had proceeded to tie him to the bed! Poppy had then confined him to the infirmary for an entire _two days_ before finally releasing him.

Severus huffed. It had been a ridiculous waste of time. He had only had the wizard’s flu, after all. Easily curable with a few potions and rest. He had been perfectly fine.

The clock chimed, and the professor stalked from his office into the classroom, robes billowing menacingly behind him. He hid a smirk; he couldn't deny his love of a dramatic entrance.

The class of third-year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs quickly settled down as he entered, not wanting to risk their formidable potions master’s wrath. Professor Snape tolerated absolutely no pranks or goofing off in his class, and doing so would end with a zero for the day and a very unpleasant detention. Potions was a dangerous subject, and fooling around could result in a dangerous explosion and someone getting seriously injured. However, despite his strict manner and acerbic tongue, the man did care about his students and was very helpful when they approached him with questions.

Severus waited for silence and then narrowed his eyes. “You will all be attempting to make a Pepper-Up Potion this period. If you did the assigned reading, you will know that while the potion was created to cure colds, it can also give temporary strength and energy to the user. It can be useful if one is under pressure and does not have time to rest,” he lectured, being quite familiar with the potion from personal use. “The recipe is on the board. You have 55 minutes. Begin.”

Once everyone had collected their ingredients, Severus started prowling the aisles, checking to see if any of the dunderheads needed help. “Mr. Smith, you're supposed to mince the leaves, not dice them. Ms. Johnson, the recipe says stir clockwise, not counterclockwise. Are you trying to cause an explosion?”

The professor continued stalking down the rows, trying to ignore the slightly dizzy feeling he had. He would take a Pepper-Up from his own stock before he had to teach his next class. “Ms. Williams, I believe the recipe said slice, not mangle-” he abruptly cut off as his vision flashed. He stumbled, grabbing the desk for support.

“Professor? Professor, are you alright?” a voice asked.

Severus looked around, trying to locate the voice. His vision was suddenly swimming, and everything sounded quiet and far away.  “I-I’m fine, Mr…?” Severus’ voice slurred at the end, and he slumped to the floor, unconscious.


	2. Chapter Two

Severus swept through the hallway towards the dungeons, glad to be out of Poppy’s clutches. She had reluctantly released him from the hospital wing, although not without countless warnings and dire threats about what would happen if he continued neglecting his health. Severus' lips quirked up. She made him feel like a student again.  

The potions master entered his quarters, heading towards his desk where a stack of ungraded essays lay. He absentmindedly picked up a quill, his thoughts wandering back to his unplanned visit with Poppy. In hindsight, the mediwitch had actually released him from the infirmary surprisingly soon after he’d woken up, not that he was complaining. It was extremely unusual for her to only lecture and not run a final diagnostic test. In fact, she must have not run any diagnostics at all or his glamours would have been detected and removed. And if Poppy had seen his injuries, she would have locked him in the hospital Safe Room instead of releasing him back to his quarters... Severus frowned. It was all very strange.

The potions master sighed in resignation when he heard someone knocking. It was probably Albus coming to interrogate him about his eating habits. His glamours may not have fallen, but the man had still noticed him vanishing food and skipping meals.

Putting the essays aside, he strode to the door. “Headmaster. What can I do for you?” Severus asked, eyeing the man warily. The headmaster wore his grandfatherly “concerned and caring” expression, and that never boded well for him.

“Ah, Severus, my boy. I’d heard you’d fallen ill during your first period class, and I wanted to check up on you,” Albus said with a smile.

Severus breathed a silent sigh of relief. _Thank Merlin. Nothing about missing meals or glamours._ “Thank you for your concern, Headmaster. I am perfectly fine,” he responded. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a lot of work to finish,” he said, gesturing to the pile of papers on his desk. Severus started to close the door, only to find Albus’ hand keeping it from closing.

“If I could take just a few more minutes of your time to have a small little chat, my boy?” Albus said, gesturing towards the sitting room. Severus sighed, recognizing that it was not a request, and reluctantly sat down. “Would you like some tea?” the headmaster asked, conjuring two mugs with a wave of his hand and handing one to Severus.

Severus sniffed at the tea suspiciously. “I see you didn't try to drug me with a calming draught this time,” the potions master commented shrewdly, taking a small sip.

“Well, I thought it would be best to leave your mind healer in charge of your potions from now on,” Albus said mildly.

Severus’ head jerked up. “And what exactly do you mean by that, Headmaster?” he asked, keeping his voice steady and his face blank.

“Poppy and I noticed you’d been wearing glamours when you fell unconscious, Severus,” Albus continued quietly, eyeing his young professor with scrutiny.

Severus stood up abruptly. _FUCK. I should have known something was off when she didn’t even run a diagnostic!_ “I’m afraid I have no idea what you are talking about. I must go check on my Slytherins now. Goodnight,” he said abruptly, striding for the door. Just before he reached it, there was an ominous click, and the door locked. _Shit. He knows._ Severus froze for a second, then whirled around with a glare. He was well aware that he would not be able to break through the headmaster’s wards. “Unlock the door, Albus!” he snarled.

“No, Severus. We need to have this discussion. Sit down, please,” Albus said firmly. He could see a hint of fear hidden in the young man’s eyes, but he couldn’t ignore what Severus was doing.

“I will not be held captive within my own quarters! Let. Me. Out!” Severus hissed menacingly.

Albus sighed, steeling himself for the unpleasant conversation ahead. “I am worried about you, son.”

Severus hid a grimace. _Damn. Maybe he's bluffing? Just deny it, perhaps he'll leave it alone for now._ “There is no reason to be concerned about me, Headmaster.”

Albus sighed again. Being direct usually worked best with the boy. "Your glamours fell, Severus. I replaced them in order to protect your privacy, but I know you’ve been starving yourself and that you started cutting again," he said bluntly.

Severus blanched and briefly closed his eyes. “I am fine, Headmaster,” Severus snapped after a moment, glaring at his mentor with an angry scowl.

“No, you are not fine, my boy, and you will be getting help. Poppy wanted to immediately confine you to the hospital wing, but I convinced her to allow you a bit more freedom of choice. I have a few options for you to choose from, but I cannot allow you to continue harming yourself,” Albus replied sternly.

"Then fire me. I will not be controlled!" Severus spat.

"I am not trying to control you, and I will not fire you, Severus. I want to help you, and I can do that best while you are at Hogwarts. However, if you decide to leave the school, that is your choice," Albus replied, watching for the child’s reaction.

Severus glowered furiously at Albus, clenching his fists in loathing. The manipulative old coot knew perfectly well that he would never willingly leave his home at Hogwarts. “What are my options if I stay?” he reluctantly bit out.

“The first option is that you move into the Safe Room in the hospital wing that you inhabited briefly while you were a sixth year. You would be required to speak with a mind healer at least once a week, and Poppy would monitor you the rest of the time. The second option is that you continue living in your quarters, but a mind healer will also live with you and monitor your health. Both options will require that you go to Poppy tomorrow so that she can treat your current injuries.”

Severus growled angrily, clenching his fists and starting to pace. _Damn it. Albus never would have even found out if I hadn’t been careless enough to let my bloody glamours drop! Well, I was unconscious when he found out, but still! Fuck. Why doesn’t he understand? I don’t need help!!_ The potions professor huffed in frustration. Both options - or rather prison sentences - he thought bitterly, were incredibly restrictive, invasive of his privacy, and resulted in him being almost constantly monitored. But he supposed anything was better than being stuck in the Safe Room and constantly mollycoddled by Poppy. "I’ll stay with the mind healer in my own quarters," Severus finally gritted out.

"Very well. I will contact the same healer you worked with last time and see if he is available. I expect you to be in my office tomorrow by 10am for further discussion," Albus ordered sternly. Severus’ expression was stony, but Albus could see hints of desperation and despair in it. His face softened. “I know it seems pretty terrible right now, but things will get better.” With that, Albus quietly left the room, squeezing the young man’s shoulder gently on his way out. He had to call the house elves and ask them to renew the wards against self-harm in the Safe Room in the back of the hospital wing. It would need to be secured so that the young man would be unable to harm himself in that room, even if he tried. It would be unrealistic to ward all of Severus’ quarters and labs since the young man would then find ways to self-harm in other parts of the castle, but having a warded room where the mind healer could bring him if he was self-harming would be necessary.

As soon as Albus had left, Severus grabbed the first thing he saw and hurled it at the wall, breathing hard as he watched it shatter. _Merlin, this cannot be happening. FUCK. How could I let it get this point?_ It felt like everything he had worked so hard to hide was crashing down around him. He didn’t need help, and he didn’t want help, even if small part of him knew that he really did. And he refused to talk to his old mind healer. He would not allow himself to be trapped in his own quarters and monitored all the time! He needed his blade to cope with everything. And if he couldn’t have it, then maybe he would end his miserable existence before his freedom could be taken away. 

* * *

Severus glanced at the clock by his bedside; it was already three o’clock in the morning. He sighed wearily, turning to the next page of the photo album he was flipping through. The young man was exhausted, but he knew very well that sleep would only bring nightmares. And he was practically immune to dreamless sleep at this point, so that wouldn’t do any good either.

Severus looked sorrowfully down at a picture of Lily and himself just weeks before she had died. Lily had been so brave and optimistic about her illness. She had calmly accepted that her days were numbered but had also never given up hope that a cure might be found. A cure that he should have found. The young man felt a rush of emotions and swallowed a sob. It was his fault that Lily had died. He was the reason for her death. He had practically killed her himself.

Grabbing the knife that he always kept near him, Severus stumbled out of his quarters, barely remembering to cast a disillusionment charm. He found himself aimlessly wandering the corridors, not really caring where he wound up. It had been six months since Lily’s death, but the guilt that constantly plagued him only kept getting worse. Cutting was his only respite.

The young man tiredly sank to the floor, his back resting against a wall. He pulled out his knife and studied it, the glinting sharp blade taunting him for his failures. _It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve tried to kill myself, and everyone is asleep now. No one would find me this time. I could actually succeed…_

Severus’ mind was determined as he slowly brought the knife to his wrist. This was it. There was no one to stop him this time. He would finally succeed. Taking a deep breath, he pressed down hard. The potions master gasped at the intense pain, biting his lip to prevent himself from making more noise. After taking a shaky breath, he brought the blade down once more, grimacing as blood spilled from his wounds. He closed his eyes. That was enough. It would do the job.

A minute later, Severus’ head jerked up in alarm at the sudden sound of approaching footsteps. He stared in horror at the cloaked figure who had just appeared at the end of the corridor. It was Alastor Moody, most likely coming from a very late meeting with the headmaster. The man was the head of the auror department at the Ministry but was frequently seen at Hogwarts talking with Albus. The potions master cursed his luck when Moody started heading straight towards him. He closed his eyes, desperately hoping he wouldn’t be discovered. _Please don't find me, please don't find me, please don't find me...._

Moody paused, his wand out, when he heard the sharp intake of breath coming from the empty corridor. He continued walking, alert and cautious. “Finite Incantatem,” he growled, pointing at where he’d heard the noise from. To his surprise, he found the young potions master sitting against the wall, holding onto a heavily bleeding wrist. “Ferula!” he barked hastily. Bandages flew from his wand and wrapped themselves tightly around the young man’s wrist. “What the hell happened, Snape?”

Severus clenched his eyes shut. _FUCK._ Paranoid Moody had found him. _Well, at least it isn’t Albus too many damn names Dumbledore this time._

“Snape?” Moody asked quietly. The young man reluctantly looked up at him. “Were you trying to kill yourself?”  

“If you could mind your own damn business, Moody, that would be greatly appreciated!” Severus spat, struggling to his feet. _The astronomy tower. I can still escape from Moody and jump off of the astronomy tower._

“You’re not going anywhere, lad. I’m going to get Albus.” Moody growled. He flicked his wand, disarming Severus and vanishing his knife. Another wave and Severus’ feet were stuck to the floor so that he couldn’t move.

“Let me go, Moody!” Severus snarled furiously, trying in vain to free himself from the spell.

“I’ll be back in a minute with the headmaster.”

Severus swore under his breath. _DAMN IT. No, Albus can’t see this! I-I’ll just tell him it was an accident. That I wasn’t actually trying to kill myself… Oh fuck, who am I kidding? Albus will never believe that, especially with my history. I’ll just have to convince him to release the spell and make it to the astronomy tower before they can catch me._

“Albus! Make him let me go!” Severus demanded, as soon as he saw the headmaster approaching.  

“Hush, child,” Albus said, gently taking his wrist and observing the blood-stained bandages. He inwardly berated himself for being such a fool and leaving Severus alone after confronting him. He should have expected that the child might try something like this. “Do you promise you won’t try and run away?”

"Fine,” Severus muttered.

Albus nodded. “Alastor, if you wouldn’t mind then.”

Moody lifted his wand, and Severus felt his legs become free. Without a second of hesitation, he bolted down the hallway towards the astronomy tower. It didn't matter that he'd broken his word; if he succeeded, it wouldn't even matter anymore. But if he was caught, well… he didn’t want to think about it. He _had_ to make it to the tower.

Severus could hear the headmaster and Moody calling out jinxes as he ran as fast as he could towards his destination. A tripping jinx hit him, and he fell, landing right at Minerva’s feet, who happened to be doing rounds.

“Severus, what–?” Minerva began.

Severus scrambled to his feet and pushed past her and down a corridor. Running into a classroom, he noticed a large window and threw it open. Why go to the astronomy tower when he could jump from this window? It was high enough to make a jump fatal. The young professor quickly swung a leg through and grabbed the window sill for support. He had just swung his other leg out the window and was about to let go when Moody reached him.

Moody lunged, grabbing the potions master by the back of his collar and roughly hauling him back into the room. The auror barked out a binding curse, and Severus found himself on the floor with his hands tied behind him. He sat glaring up at the man, anger and pain deepening his breaths. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?” he shouted.

Albus stepped closer and pulled Severus to his feet, keeping a firm hand on his upper arm. The young man looked desperate, his long, greasy hair falling forward on his face. His head was slightly bowed, and he refused to look up.

The headmaster sighed and exchanged a sorrowful look with Minerva. He cursed in shock when Severus, ever the Slytherin, instantly took advantage of his distraction, using it to wrench his arm out of the older man’s grasp and bolt in the direction of the astronomy tower. Albus, Minerva, and Moody immediately raced after him, shouting out spells that the young man somehow managed to avoid.

Severus reached the tower just seconds ahead of his pursuers. He frantically started to climb the parapet, cursing as he struggled to make it over the wall with his hands still bound behind him. He was so damn close to finally succeeding! Only one more leg to go!

He cried out in anguish when someone caught him around the middle and firmly pulled him away from the edge. "No!" Severus shouted desperately. “Let me go! I just want to die!" He struggled to escape, but Albus was stronger.

"I’m not going to let you kill yourself, child,” Albus murmured, pulling the boy tightly to his chest.

Severus fell to his knees despairingly, bringing his mentor down with him. “No, I was so close! Why did you have to stop me AGAIN?” he screamed hysterically.

Albus sighed, silent tears running down his face. “Come on, son, let’s get you to the hospital wing.” He gently helped the young man to his feet before planting both hands on his shoulders and firmly guiding him towards the infirmary.

Severus obediently shuffled along, silent except for his choked sobs. He desperately looked for an escape route, well aware that he would not find one but needing to check anyway. Albus was behind him, Minerva was on his right, and Moody was standing on his left, clearly on alert to make sure he wouldn’t run again. He was trapped.

Severus’ shoulders slumped in defeat as he trudged towards the hospital wing. A wave of dizziness suddenly hit him, and he stumbled. His vision swam, and he swayed on his feet. The last thing he was conscious of was a buzzing murmur of concern, then everything went black.

* * *

When he opened his eyes early the next morning, Severus came to the horrifying realization that he was still alive. He was lying in the Safe Room of the Hospital Wing, hands secured by his sides with thick leather straps and bandages covering the deep cuts he’d made. No… a murmur of despair escaped his lips, and Severus slumped back against the pillows. He was supposed to be dead by now, but of course, he’d even failed at successfully killing himself. And now, here he was, stuck back in the blasted Safe Room he’d been confined to when he was 16 and wasn’t trusted alone in the dorms. He let out a weak groan when he saw the headmaster walk into the room.

“Good morning, Severus,” Albus said tiredly, the familiar twinkle absent from his eyes.

Severus glared at the older man, trying to pull his arms free, "Let me go," he growled, trying to sound threatening but failing.

“I’m afraid I cannot do that, son.”

Severus shook his head, tugging furiously at the restraints. “I am an adult now! You have no right to restrain me!”

“You are on suicide watch, Severus. You will be restrained until your mind healer determines otherwise,” Albus said sadly.

“Damn it, Albus! Just fucking release me!” the Potions Master snarled.

“I’m sorry, but I can't do that without your healer’s permission. He will decide what will happen next.”

“No,” Severus choked out, suddenly panicking. “No, please, he’ll send me to St. Mungo’s to be locked up! I won’t try it again, I promise! Please Albus, don’t let him send me away!” the young man implored.

“You won't be sent away and locked up. I promise, Severus,” Albus said reassuringly, laying a comforting hand on the frightened young man’s shoulder. He knew how much Hogwarts meant to Severus, and that he considered it his true home.

“Albus is correct. You will not be sent away to St. Mungo’s,” came a voice from the door. A man in healer’s robes walked into the room, his eyes darting to Albus before focusing on his patient. “Hello again, Severus. It's certainly been awhile, hasn't it?”

Severus’ head jerked up at the familiar voice. A surge of magic hit him, and he gasped in surprise. The potions master stared wide-eyed at the man to whom Lady Magic had just bonded him. It was Tom Marvolo Riddle.

 


	3. Chapter Three

_FLASHBACK_

_Tonight was the night. He was finally going to do it. The sixteen-year-old Slytherin quietly climbed out of bed, pulling on his cloak and shoes. Grabbing his wand from his bedside table, Severus silently snuck out of the room, making sure to not wake the other boys. He tiptoed down the stairs, pausing as he entered the empty common room. The teenager took a long minute to look around the dorm that had been his home for the past five years before slipping out the door. He would not be coming back._

_Severus crept through the dark castle, trying not to stumble into anything. He didn’t dare cast lumos in case he woke the portraits and they reported him to Dumbledore. The last thing he needed was for the headmaster to catch him and hound him for answers. Keeping an ear open for Filch and Mrs. Norris, he stealthily weaved through the school until he reached the front door. Casting an advanced unlocking charm, the door opened, and he slipped out._

_The night air was cool, and Severus shivered in his thin cloak. He didn’t have anything warmer, thanks to his abusive father who wasted any money they had on alcohol. Bastard. The teenager bit his lip. It didn’t matter. Soon he wouldn’t have to worry about anything more._

_Scanning the area and seeing nobody in sight, Severus quickly crossed the grounds and entered the Forbidden Forest. He muttered a spell and cautiously held his now lit wand in front of him. It wouldn’t do for him to be injured before he reached his destination, after all. The young man walked briskly through the forest, doing his best to avoid the areas where he knew the centaurs and other territorial creatures roamed. There was a sudden rustle behind him, and Severus spun around, his wand gripped tightly in his hand. Dark, obsidian eyes wildly darted around, but there no one else in sight. The teenager shivered. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was watching him, following him. He stayed put for another minute, but hearing nothing else, warily continued. Twenty minutes later, Severus had finally reached his destination._

_Severus took a deep breath as he stood at the edge of the cliff and stared down into the deep chasm. He knew that was he was doing was the desperate way out, but he WAS desperate. Maybe most people would consider his actions cowardly, but he was just giving them what they wanted, after all. All of his peers, even Lily, ever since he’d made the worst mistake of his life and called her a mudblood, would probably be ecstatic to finally be rid of his greasy presence. A lonely tear rolled down his cheek._

_“I just can’t deal with this anymore,” Severus mumbled to himself. Along with losing Lily’s friendship, this past summer had been terrible, worse than usual. Tobias had been beyond enraged by his wife’s suicide and had blamed Severus for her death. He had taken his anger out on the teenager, giving him severe beatings that frequently left the boy unconscious. Severus was actually surprised that he’d survived the summer._

_When Eileen had committed suicide at the beginning of the summer, she had, although perhaps unwittingly, left her son to her husband’s mercy. Her abandonment and disregard for her son had left Severus feeling angry, bitter, and hopeless. The Slytherin could never understand why his mother refused to divorce the bastard. He hated her for being too weak to protect him and for letting a muggle like Tobias control their lives and force them to live in fear. She had been a witch but had still refused to use magic to defend her only son from Tobias’ drunken wrath._

_Severus knew it was his fault as well, though. He had specifically learned the Dark Arts in order to protect them from the brute, but in the end, he had been unable to use the spells. “I guess Father was right. I am just a useless failure. A waste of life. I should never have been born. I don’t deserve to live,” the teenager chuckled bitterly. He glanced down at the deep drop in front of him. It was honestly so easy. The answer to all of his problems. The end to his miserable life. Severus smiled sadly, then closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he jumped._

* * *

_Albus Dumbledore awoke with a start when the ward he’d set alerted him to a student leaving the castle. Rolling over in bed, he checked the monitoring device to see who it was. Dumbledore sighed heavily. It was who he had suspected: Severus Snape. The headmaster hastily threw on a robe and hurried through the castle. He was very worried about his sixth-year student. Severus’ mother had passed over the summer, although he didn’t know the cause, and he had a feeling that Tobias Snape wasn’t a very loving father. The combination of young Severus’ mother dying along with the teenager’s fascination with the Dark Arts could very well tempt him down a dark path. He would follow the boy and see if his suspicions were correct, and the young man was meeting with suspected Death Eaters. There hadn’t been activity from Voldemort in quite a few years, but at least a few Death Eaters were still out there, causing terror and destruction. Perhaps he could convince the child to separate himself from their group before it was too late. Dumbledore finally reached the entrance hall and opened the castle doors, just in time to see the boy disappear into the Forbidden Forest. Waving his wand, he disillusioned himself and followed in pursuit._

_Dumbledore quickly caught up with Severus. He followed the young man as he walked deep into the forest, wondering where he was going to meet the Death Eaters. When the boy finally stopped at the cliff, Dumbledore inwardly sighed in relief. It seemed that Severus just wanted to go for a midnight stroll. The view of the night sky was quite incredible from this spot. Turning his attention to the teenager, he observed the boy who seemed to be in deep thought. He was just about announce his presence when a sudden movement caught his attention._

_Dumbledore’s eyes widened in horror as the teenager suddenly threw himself to his death. His wand was out in a flash, and he quickly shouted, “_ _Arresto Momentum!” He sighed in relief when the boy’s fall was slowed and immediately cast a levitation charm. “Oh, child,” the old wizard murmured sadly, as he levitated the teenager to land on the forest floor._

_As soon as Dumbledore released the charm, Severus leapt to his feet, rushing at the headmaster with flying fists. "I hate you! I hate you! Why couldn’t you just let me die in peace? I hate you!" he shouted in frustration, tears threatening to spill. The headmaster easily grabbed the distraught child’s wrists, preventing him from lashing out._

_“Calm down, child. We’re going to help you. I’m taking you to the hospital wing, Severus,” Dumbledore said firmly. The struggles were instantaneous, as he’d expected. The boy squirmed furiously in his grasp, looking for any way out. The teenager was clearly not thinking logically and would likely try to resist getting medical help. Dumbledore considered his options, then muttered an incantation that conjured ropes to bind Severus’s wrists behind his back. While he could easily overpower the small teenager in strength, it would make it easier to apparate the boy if the child wasn't trying to hex him._

_"Let me go!” Severus hissed angrily, twisting his wrists behind him as he tried to loosen the bonds. He couldn’t believe Albus Dumbledore, of all people, had caught him._

_“It’s going to be okay, Severus. We’ll take care of you,” Dumbledore said gently. He looked down at the child with concerned eyes. He couldn’t even imagine what the teenager was going through. “I’m going to apparate us back to the castle now. It is quite an uncomfortable experience at first, so don’t be alarmed if you feel sick,” he warned. Taking the boy’s upper arm, he disapparated out of the forest and to the edge of the castle wards._

_As soon as they landed, Severus immediately doubled over, desperately trying to keep what little food he had in his stomach in place. His stomach heaved dangerously as he struggled to control himself. After a minute, the horrifying sensation of being squeezed through a tube subsided, and he straightened up. “That was bloody awful,” he muttered._

_Dumbledore smiled wryly. “Yes, it does take some getting used to, although most means of magical transportation do.” Severus only glared at the ground in response. The headmaster sighed, then gently placed a hand against the back of the boy’s neck and urged the younger man towards the castle. “Let’s go, child.” The boy instantly resisted, planting his feet firmly on the ground and refusing to budge. Seeing this, Dumbledore bit back a sigh. "Severus, you are going to the hospital wing, whether you want to or not. Would you like me to levitate you?”_

_Severus didn’t respond except to glare at the headmaster. He thought about running, but the old coot would just catch him again. And being levitated would be absolutely humiliating. Reluctantly, he started trudging towards the castle, the headmaster’s firm hand on the back of his neck guiding him towards the infirmary. When they reached the hospital wing, he was brought to a separate room in the back, the binding spell was released, and he was gently pushed onto a bed. Dumbledore went to wake Poppy, and the door closed with a click; Severus could tell that it had been locked._

_The teenager growled, cursing himself for not being more careful and getting caught. He’d even suspected that someone was following him, but he’d still been stupid enough to continue with his plan. He should've known better - he was a Slytherin, not some clueless Gryffindor! And now thanks to his idiocy, here he was, locked in the hospital wing._

_Severus didn’t look up when he heard the door open. He couldn’t bear to look at the woman who had taken care of him and healed his injuries since he was eleven, not after he'd just tried to take his own life._

_“It’s going to be okay, Severus,” Poppy said gently. “We’re going to take care of you and help you heal. Can you look at me, child?”_

_Severus shook his head in distress. He couldn't do this. He didn’t want to be here. He needed to get out. Springing off of the bed, he bolted towards the door. He wrenched the door knob to the right, only to find it locked again._

_“The door is warded right now, child. Come lie down on the bed now, please,” Poppy said firmly. Luckily, Dumbledore had had the forethought to lock and ward the door after Poppy had entered. Severus would not be leaving the hospital wing any time soon._

_Severus’ shoulders slumped in defeat, and he bit his lip to prevent tears from spilling over. Reluctantly, he trudged over to the bed, eyes glued to his feet. He instantly started struggling when he felt soft leather bonds wrapping around his wrists and ankles, restraining him to the bed._

_"Please,” he whispered pleadingly, a choked sob escaping from his throat as he fought against the restraints. "I won’t do it again, I promise."_

_“Oh, Severus, my dear child. It’ll be all right, but we’re going to have to watch you to make sure you don't show signs of suicidal behavior for the next few days,” the matron said gently._

_“So, I’m on suicide watch and sentenced to be restrained in a hospital bed,” Severus mumbled._

_“I’m sorry, Severus, but it’s standard protocol when someone tries to take their own life. You’ll be meeting with a mind healer tomorrow, and he will decide when you can be trusted to not harm yourself.”_

_“But I don’t want to see a mind healer!” Severus protested weakly._

_“Shh… open up and drink this, child. We can talk about it more in the morning,” Poppy said soothingly, holding a vial to his lips. Severus was too tired to argue, so he took the sleeping draught without protesting. “Goodnight, child.”_

* * *

_Severus blearily opened his eyes and looked around, trying to remember why he was in the hospital wing. He began to sit up, only to find that he could barely move. The young man grimaced, looking down at his arms which were still strapped to the bed. Oh, shite. What on earth had he gotten himself into? There was no way he could talk himself out of this situation, Slytherin or not. He had attempted suicide and failed, and now nothing would ever be the same again._

_There was a knock at the door, and the headmaster walked in. “Good morning, Severus. How are you feeling?” Dumbledore asked quietly, the usual twinkle in his eyes absent._

_"I’m fine. Can you let me go, please?" Severus pleaded, ignoring the man’s sorrowful expression and tugging at the medical restraints to show what he meant._

_Dumbledore hesitated, then flicked his wand, causing the straps to release him. “This may only be temporary, I’m afraid. And you are not fine, child. I’ve brought in a mind healer to talk with you, Severus, and he will decide what is necessary while you are still on suicide watch. Tom was also enthralled by the Dark Arts but managed to realize what they were doing to his mind and went to St. Mungo’s for help. I think you’ll be able to relate very well,” Dumbledore said._

_Severus’ eyes flashed towards the door as a man dressed in healer’s robes, perhaps in his early 50s, walked into the room. The teenager paled in fear before quickly arranging his expression into a snarl. “Come to crucio me into submission, Voldemort?” Severus spat, instantly recognizing the man who Lucius Malfoy’s father had talked so much about._

_“No, Severus. I am here to help you. Please feel free to call me Tom,” the healer said genuinely._

_“I thought you were the Dark Lord,” Severus said suspiciously._

_“It is true that I was the Dark Lord, but I am not anymore.” Severus snorted in disbelief, “I am deeply repentant of my past actions. I was angry, bitter, and power hungry. I became the Dark Lord and tortured my followers when they displeased me. It was only after I’d cursed my best friend that I realized what I’d done, what I’d become. I turned myself in and they discovered an insanity curse placed on me. After it was removed, I spent many months in intensive therapy at St. Mungo’s. Once I’d recovered, I stayed there and trained to become a mind healer, wanting to help others who felt angry and alone. I’ve been a mind healer for the past three years now,” Tom explained._

_“It is true, Severus. I had no idea that Tom had renounced himself as Lord Voldemort and was truly remorseful of his actions. I’d believed that he was just lying low for the past few years, but veritaserum and testimony from the ministry and St. Mungo’s has confirmed his story. It was kept out of the papers to protect his title as Lord Slytherin. The Death Eaters have disbanded and are no longer under Tom’s control,” Dumbledore added._

_Severus looked uncertain but nodded warily. He didn’t trust Tom, but he knew that Dumbledore would never let the man near a student if he were still dangerous._

_“Severus, will you let me give you a health scan, please?” Tom asked, noticing how the child seemed to favor his left wrist. He’d been informed that a diagnostic charm hadn’t been done on the child since his suicide attempt, and he had a strong feeling that the teenager was hiding something._ _The instant change from suspicion to absolute terror on the teenager’s face confirmed his suspicions._

_"It’s nothing, sir,” the child mumbled, immediately releasing his left wrist and shooting a longing glance at the door as if wondering if he could escape. Dumbledore quickly moved to block his view to the door, and he looked down. "I’m fine."_

_"No, Severus, I don't think you are," Tom stated in a firm but gentle tone. “Will you let me scan you? I'm going to have to touch your chest and forehead in order to scan you, is that alright?” the healer asked, not wanting to startle the boy with physical contact. Tom was a touch healer, so he was able to run in-depth health scans and heal his patients of minor injuries if he had skin-to-skin contact._

_Severus shook his head vigorously. “Stay away from me. I’m fine,” he spat. The teenager was well practiced at hiding his thoughts, but he couldn’t help it when his fingers unconsciously tugged his sleeves down, an action that did not go unnoticed by the healer._

_"Alright, Severus. I won’t touch you without your permission,” Tom said, trying to placate the upset teen. “I am going to cast a preliminary diagnostic spell, though,” he warned, waving his wand. The healer sighed when the spell informed him of the multiple cuts on the boy’s forearm. “I can tell that you are anything but fine, child." The boy looked up and Tom could tell that Severus was petrified of anyone finding out what he had clearly kept hidden for a long, long time. "Would you please roll up your sleeves, Mr. Snape?"_

_The boy paled and leapt off the bed, backing up several steps. He clutched his arm protectively against his body and shook his head violently, backing himself into the wall. The look in the child’s eyes was one of sheer panic. “No,” he spat. “You have no right!”_

_“Severus, please get back on the bed so I can take a look. If I suspect you are hurting yourself, I do have the legal right to take more drastic measures,” Tom explained patiently._

_All logical thought seemed to abandon Severus, and he immediately ran for the door. It closed just before he reached it, the lock clicking shut. Severus just stood there and simply stared at the door, his chest heaving, fists clenched._

_“Come sit down, Severus. Let Tom do his work, child,” Dumbledore said gently._

_Severus turned slowly to find Tom calmly observing him. He_ _glared at both wizards, tugging fruitlessly on the doorknob. How could they act so calm and collected when he was imprisoned in this room? “Let me out!” he demanded._

 _Tom sighed at his response. “Running away isn’t going to help you heal, Severus. Please come sit on the bed, or I will have to use magic to move you,” Tom said. The teenager didn't budge, so Tom waved his wand, levitating the teenager onto the bed and activating the wrist and ankle restraints again. The child struggled but was helpless as Tom_ _reached out and gently pushed up Severus’ sleeves, revealing smooth, scarless skin._

_“See? There’s nothing there. Now release me at once!” the boy spat defensively._

_Tom’s only response was a flick of his wand. “Finite Incantatem.” Before their eyes, old scars and freshly made cuts on his wrists revealed themselves. This was not the first time Severus had cut his wrists, clearly. He had scars up and down both arms, all of them having been hidden by a glamour charm until now. The healer took a deep breath as he surveyed the damage the teenager had done to himself. “Okay, Severus. I’m going to use a disinfectant balm and then heal these cuts up with my magic,” Tom explained. “I will have to touch your arm in order to heal them unless you’d like Poppy to heal them magically since I am only certified in touch healing. Is that okay?”_

_Severus mumbled his assent, turning his head away in embarrassment. Two adults now knew about his self-harm. His biggest, most shameful secret. He was such a screw-up. A freak._

_Tom softly grasped the boy’s arm, making note of the subtle flinch for future therapy sessions, then focused on sending his magic to heal the open cuts. “Severus, my scan also reported that you have heavy scarring on your back and malnutrition. Can you tell me who did this to you?” Tom asked gently._

_A flash of fear appeared in Severus’ eyes before he quickly schooled his expression. He knew better than to tell. It would only make things worse. “I-I fell,” Severus replied with forced nonchalance, inwardly wincing at his pathetic excuse. At Tom’s disbelieving look, Severus scrambled to find a better explanation. “No one did anything to me. I'm clumsy. I run into things a lot. And I don’t have a big appetite,” he insisted._

_“Child, these marks do not come from clumsy accidents. I believe you live with your father, correct? Is he the one who abused you and withheld food?”_

_“I wasn’t abused,” Severus said stiffly, trying his best to keep his face blank from the panic he was feeling inside._

_“Hurting a child like this is abuse, Severus.”_

_“It wasn't abuse. It was punishment for my behavior. I deserved it!” Severus insisted adamantly, his panic starting to show itself. If his father found out that he told them, the man would kill him!_

_“Punishment should never leave marks, Severus. No child deserves to be hurt like you have been.” Tom said softly. “How often did he beat you, child?”_

_“I-I don't have to tell you anything!” the teenager shouted, desperately still trying to hide the truth. He didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Tobias found out._

_“You can’t or won’t tell me?” Tom asked carefully._

_Severus grit his teeth in frustration. Of course, he couldn’t talk about! The last time he’d told a teacher had been in primary school, and that had earned him the beating of his life when his father found out! Why did the stupid meddlesome healer have to stick his unwanted nose into it anyway? It was none of his business!_

_“I see. Your lack of response tells me that you are fearful of the repercussions from your father if he finds out you’ve told someone. And that the beatings are most likely quite frequent during the summer,” Tom concluded softly._

_Severus’ shoulders slumped. The healer somehow knew. “I deserve it for being so weak and useless. I’m a wizard. He’s just a muggle. I-I should’ve been able to stop him,” the teenager muttered, looking down in shame. He was such a weakling. Too weak and pathetic to stand up to his muggle bastard of a father._

_"Severus, please look at me," Dumbledore murmured, his voice grave and gentle. Severus slowly met the headmaster’s gaze, but the sorrow and concern that lined the man’s face made him want to hide in shame. “None of this is your fault, Severus. I am so sorry for failing you, my boy. You will never be returned to your father, and he will be arrested and charged with child abuse.”_

_“I won’t be seventeen yet by the time school gets out. I have no choice but to go back,” Severus said quietly, relieved when the medical restraints vanished and he could sit up._

_“You will become my ward until you come of age. You may stay at the castle during the summer. The professors will all be here to help keep an eye on you unless Tom decides you no longer need close supervision. Given the recent events, I would also like you to attend therapy sessions with Tom once every week at least until you turn seventeen in two months. Does that sound acceptable?” Dumbledore asked._

_Severus hid a wince at the mention of continued therapy with the meddlesome healer. He didn’t want to have sessions with the shrink, but he would if it meant avoiding Tobias. After all, the headmaster hadn’t said he had to talk or cooperate with the mind healer. Severus looked up at the man. “Yes, sir, that sounds acceptable. Thank you,” he replied quietly._

_“It’s the least I can do, Severus. Now, I’m going to give you and Tom some time alone to talk,” the headmaster said, leaving the room. As soon as the door had closed, Severus turned to glare furiously at the healer, as if daring him to say something._

_Tom withheld a sigh at the teenager’s scowl. He knew that Severus was going to be a very difficult patient, but he vowed to do his best to help the hurting young man. “I know you don’t trust me yet, but I promise I won’t hurt you, Severus. You can talk to me,” he said honestly._

_“I don’t want to talk with you about anything! And you can’t make me!” the teenager said petulantly. “It’s none of your damn business anyway,” he finished, crossing his arms defiantly._

_"This won’t get us anywhere, Severus. I know you want to leave this Safe Room, but first you need to heal. And you cannot heal if you refuse to talk to me,” Tom said calmly._

_"Well maybe I don't want to heal! Maybe I just want to die!" Severus retorted angrily. The teenager froze in horror as soon as the words left his mouth. "Fuck, I-I didn’t mean that," Severus stuttered desperately._

_“It’s okay, Severus. I want to hear how you feel. Do you already have a plan to kill yourself in the immediate future?” Tom asked, already suspecting the answer but wanting to hear it from his patient. Severus merely glared at the annoying healer. “I should inform you that when it comes to matters like suicide, I can use veritaserum on you.”_

_“Fuck you,” Severus spat, glowering stonily at him._

_“I would prefer it if you didn’t swear,” Tom said, a hint of warning in his tone. It was clear that Severus needed rules and boundaries, and he would gladly establish them for the young man._

_Severus sneered. “And if I don’t give a bloody fuck what the hell you prefer?”_

_“Then I shall have to introduce your mouth to the inhibeo potion, a rather unpleasant potion designed to curb vulgar and inappropriate language. I may also use a soap spell, if you would like to try it out now?” Tom asked evenly. Although his demeanor was calm and patient after years of therapy and healer training, the teenager would soon learn that he was not a pushover. Severus glared at the healer but shook his head. “A verbal answer, please.”_

_No, sir,” the teenager said sullenly._

_“Thank you. Why don’t we continue what we were talking about. Have you already made another suicide plan?_

_Severus’ shoulders slumped in defeat as he realized it was useless to fight back. The meddlesome healer was too damn persistent, and his bloody annoying unwavering calmness was even worse. “No, I don’t have a plan. I just don’t want to be here anymore,” the teenager muttered._

_Tom nodded with relief. The boy hadn’t immediately come up with another plan, meaning that a second suicide attempt would be less likely. Severus would still need to be carefully monitored, but if nothing else happened during his suicide watch, he would feel comfortable allowing Severus to leave the Safe Room. He would need to be supervised by a professor during the day, but at least the child would be able to roam the castle._

_“Thank you for answering me honestly. I know that you’re not looking forward to these sessions, but I am confident that we can work together to help you stop feeling like your life isn’t worth living. Are you willing to give it a try?” Tom waited for Severus’ reluctant nod of acceptance before continuing. “Thank you for being willing to work with me, Severus.”_

_Severus rolled his eyes and withheld a sigh of annoyance when Tom thanked him again. He sure hoped the man wasn’t expecting him to become that polite, because that was so not happening._

_Tom smirked when he saw the teenager roll his eyes. Thanking his patients, especially the younger ones, every time they cooperated somehow worked wonders in getting them to loosen up. Perhaps they simply became so fed up with him that they gave up resisting? Whatever the reason, he was grateful it worked. “Alright, Severus. Why don’t we start with you telling me a little more about yourself?_

* * *

Even after he was no longer deemed suicidal, Severus had worked with the mind healer, at Dumbledore’s request, until he’d turned seventeen, two months after his suicide attempt. It had been a slow process. The child had been very reluctant to open up, and there had been relapses. A few weeks in, there had been an incident when Dumbledore caught Severus trying to break into his office in search of his knife, resulting in the teenager being grounded and constantly monitored for a week. But despite the difficulties, Severus did make some progress during the therapy sessions, and the young man finally realized that he didn’t deserve his father’s abuse. However, as soon as Severus turned seventeen, he’d told Tom that he no longer required his services.

At the time, Tom had been very worried about his patient’s decision, as the child was clearly still self-destructive and needed more therapy. They had barely even touched the subjects of self-harm and his dangerously low sense of self-worth, which was quite worrying as the lack of self-esteem likely resulted in self-harm. Tom would have preferred to continue working on improving Severus’ self-esteem for at least another six months. After all, they had only met once a week for a one-hour session each time, and eight hours had not been nearly enough time for actual healing to occur. However, the healer had been unable to do anything since Severus was of age and no longer suicidal. When they’d departed, Tom wasn’t sure if he would ever run into the young man again.

That had been over two years ago. 


	4. Chapter Four

Severus gaped at his healer in disbelief. “A bond like this hasn't been documented in decades,” Tom said breathlessly, his eyes shifting between Albus and Severus.

Realizing that his mouth was hanging open, Severus quickly snapped it shut. He frowned, lowering his eyes in confusion. He could tell that a magical bond had formed between them, but he didn’t understand why.

Tom’s face softened at the young man’s clear confusion. “Lady Magic sometimes chooses to bond a healer and a patient if she senses an innate need for a guardian within the patient and a willingness within the healer. I only wish the bond had been created before you attempted suicide again,” Tom said regretfully.

“I don’t need you! And we don’t have a bond!” Severus denied vehemently, horrified at the implications of being bonded.

“I know you felt it, Severus. It is a fairly unusual bond, but not unheard of in the medical community. Magic has clearly chosen me as your guardian and you as my ward.”

“You can’t just waltz in here and tell me what to do! I don’t need a guardian! I’m of age!” the young man snarled. There was no way in hell that he was going to accept having a guardian.

“Lady Magic bound us together. Age doesn't matter, child. Legally and magically, you are under my guardianship until Magic dissolves the bond,” Tom said calmly. He understood that Severus was likely terrified of having another guardian after growing up with an abusive father, but the young man would soon learn that Tom was nothing like Tobias Snape.

“So what, I’m under your authority for life? Basically your slave?” Severus spat.

“No, you are not my slave, Severus. You are my bonded ward until Magic senses that you no longer need my help. We will have a familial-type relationship. My job as your guardian and mind healer will be to care for you and help you heal, and as my ward and patient, you will be under my guidance,” the healer explained.

“I don't need help. I'm not a child," Severus growled defensively. “And I don’t want to be controlled!”

“I will have rules for you, but I will not control you, Severus. Magic sensed that you need love, guidance, and discipline, and that is what I will strive to provide.”

“I’m an adult now. I don’t need a minder,” Severus sulked.

Tom sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes, Severus. Even you."

“I don’t even have a choice, do I?” the potions master muttered bitterly. While he might have always secretly wished for someone to actually care for him and take care of him, that didn’t mean he had to be happy about having a bloody guardian. He was an adult now!

“Magic would have only bound us if she knew we would be a perfect match, Severus. I care about you, child, and I won’t let you continue hurting yourself.”

“Good luck with that,” Severus muttered almost inaudibly under his breath. Slytherin wasn't known as the house of the cunning and sly for no reason, and the young Head of Slytherin was _not_ about to be outsmarted by a meddlesome healer, guardian or not.

Tom chuckled at the young man’s mutterings. “I believe you are forgetting just one little thing, oh mighty Head of Slytherin.”

“Oh?” Severus asked, his eyebrow raised in challenge.

Tom smirked in amusement, perfectly willing to banter with his ward. “Indeed. While _you_ may be the Head of Slytherin, _I_ am Salazar Slytherin’s heir,” he finished with a wry smile.

Severus scowled in response and sulkily slouched back into his pillows. _Bad enough to have a guardian, but it's just my luck to end up bonded to a meddlesome healer who also happens to be the only living descent of Salazar Slytherin himself! It will be near impossible to manipulate the man!_

Tom smiled indulgently, giving the pouting young man a pat on the leg. His expression sobered as his eyes fell on the restraints still binding his patient. If Severus was still suicidal, the restraints would have to remain. He silently communicated with Albus, who nodded in understanding and quietly left the room. As soon as the door had closed, Tom turned to face his ward. “Severus, I think it's time we talk,” he said somberly.

“About what?” Severus asked reluctantly, trying to ignore the dread filling his stomach. He did not want to talk about it. Ever.

“We need to talk about your most recent suicide attempt, child,” the healer responded firmly.

“I-I wasn't trying to kill myself,” Severus denied weakly. He knew that Tom would never believe him, but maybe the man wouldn’t make him talk about it now.

“Severus, please do not try to lie to me or yourself,” Tom gently chastised. “You took a blade to your wrist in the middle of the night and begged Albus to let you jump off of the astronomy tower.”

Severus winced at the man’s bluntness. “I-It was a mistake. I wasn’t paying attention and cut too deeply and…” The young man faltered at his healer’s disbelieving look.

“And the tower?”

Severus fell silent. _Damn._ He had nothing.

“For how long had you been planning to commit suicide?” the healer continued.

Severus sighed. He might as well start talking. Tom was never going to give up. “I-I don't know… I hadn’t been thinking about it for long. When Albus confronted me and gave me an ultimatum to be constantly monitored or watched, I just couldn’t-” Severus cut off, frustrated.

Tom nodded, inwardly relieved. It hadn’t been carefully planned which meant it was probably closer to an impulsive decision. Hopefully this meant that Severus wasn’t still suicidal. Of course, there was the major issue of self-harm, but he would likely not need to extend the suicide watch beyond twenty-four hours. “You couldn’t do what, child?” he prompted.

“I didn’t want to lose my freedom and control. I didn’t want anyone to monitor me and stop me from self-harming. But I guess I just ended up in the same situation anyway,” the young professor mumbled.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Severus. I know you aren’t happy with the restrictions that will be placed on you, but they’re for your own well-being. I also know that you don’t have complete control over your self-harm right now, but your cutting does need to stop. I don’t expect it to be instantaneous, but I want you to do your best to stop self-harming. I’d like you to start by clearing the stress from your mind through meditation every morning and night. I know that you’ve studied Occlumency, so meditation should be familiar to you, but I’m happy to help if you’d like it. Does that sound acceptable?” Tom asked.

“I’ll try… Are-are you going to check my arms and legs for cuts every day?” Severus asked uncertainly.

“I will be placing a monitoring charm on you to alert me if you harm yourself. I wanted to avoid placing the charm because it leaves you with little privacy, but since you will not be constantly supervised after your suicide watch is over, it is unfortunately necessary. The charm will immediately alert me if you have self-harmed, and I will check up on you as soon as the alarm goes off, no matter where you are. This will not allow you to hide your injuries, as I will also check you for glamour charms every time the alarm goes off,” Tom continued.

Severus inwardly cringed at the list of restrictions. _Damn it. Well, I will have to find a way to take that off. There’s no way that I can avoid self-harming. I need it. I deserve the pain. Meditation won’t be enough. Hmm… maybe a book in the restricted section will have something? I’ll have to check that out as soon as I get a chance._

“Severus, did you hear what I said?” the healer prompted.

“Yes, sir,” Severus replied unhappily.

“I should also warn you that I will also be searching your room and potions lab and confiscating any harmful items that I find,” Tom said gently.

“Don’t bother searching the lab,” Severus muttered.

“And why not?” Tom asked curiously.

“Because I don’t have any harmful potions in stock. Albus monitors what I brew and what potions I order, specifically for that reason,” the potions master mumbled.

“Ah, I see,” Tom said approvingly. Albus had most likely wanted to take precautions after Severus’ suicide attempt as a teenager. Knowing that he’d gained his potions mastery, the young man would have been more than capable of brewing poisons.

“I would’ve taken a fast-acting poison if I’d been able to. Using a knife clearly didn’t work too well,” Severus muttered under his breath.

“And I’m very relieved that it didn’t, Severus. You don’t realize it, child, but you have a lot of people who care about you,” Tom said quietly.

Severus snorted. “Like who? The students certainly don’t care. They’d be celebrating that the greasy git of the dungeons is finally gone.”

“That’s not true, Severus,” Tom said with a frown. “I’m sure your Slytherins would care, along with all of your colleagues.”

“I know I’m not likeable, Tom. I’m an ugly, sarcastic, mean git. No one should like me. I don’t even like me,” Severus replied bitterly.

“I know that, Severus. And we’re going to work on your self-esteem until you realize what an incredible young man you are. I hope that someday you will realize how much you mean to others,” Tom said.

Severus scoffed. “I’m worthless, Tom. I’m weak and pathetic. I know that.” His father had certainly made that clear during his beatings, and all of his childhood bullies had just confirmed it.

“That is not true, Severus. Do you really think that Albus Dumbledore would hire someone to be a professor at the number one school of magic unless he thought extremely highly of them? And I happen to know for a fact that Filius, Pomona, and Minerva were all extremely worried about you when you were brought to the hospital wing after your suicide attempt. They are not the types of people who give their friendship to just anybody, but you are one of those people who has gained it. You are stronger than you think, Severus. You are not worthless, weak, or pathetic,” Tom said passionately. Severus looked extremely doubtful, and the healer closed his eyes sadly. “We’ll work on it, child.”

There was a minute of silence, and then Severus looked up timidly. “What happens to me now?” he asked in a small voice.

Tom sighed. This was always the hard part. “You are on suicide watch for twenty-four hours, Severus. You will remain in medical restraints for the first six hours, and after that I will return and assess your mental state. If I feel that you are no longer in danger of attempting to end your life with your own hands, the restraints will come off, and your colleagues and I will take turns sitting with you. Once the twenty-four hours are over, I will reassess your mental state, and if I determine that you are no longer suicidal, you will be released from the Safe Room. We will then discuss additional details regarding your restrictions while living with me in our quarters,” Tom explained.

Severus nodded nervously. He’d almost forgotten that Tom was now his magical guardian, and that the man would be living with him. Tom now had complete power over him as his guardian, and in his experience, that always ended in a beating. Severus hoped that Tom wouldn’t beat him too much when he got in the man’s way. His father had always beaten him for being a burden, but Severus knew that Tom was more lenient than his father. Still, it was dangerous to hope. Severus knew that he was a burden, and sooner or later Tom would realize it, too.

Tom noticed the apprehensive look on Severus’ face and patted his arm reassuringly. “It’ll be an adjustment, but everything will work out. Why don’t you rest for a bit, now? I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you.”

* * *

“Thank you for coming, Tom,” Albus said gratefully. Severus had fallen asleep, so they finally had time to discuss the next steps for the young man’s recovery.

“Of course. I’m hopeful that Severus will be able to recover, now that we are bonded. He is a wonderful young man, but he’s very vulnerable and self-destructive at this point of his life. I will do my best to help him heal and recognize his self-worth,” Tom said as he followed the headmaster to Severus’ quarters in the dungeons, where he would now be living.

“I know you will, Tom. My colleagues and I are all very relieved that Severus will finally be getting the help that he needs,” Albus said.

When they reached the portrait door, the headmaster paused, his eyes twinkling. “Do see if you can convince Severus to change the password, will you?”

Tom looked confused but laughed when the door swung open. “Albus is a meddling old coot?” he chuckled. That definitely seemed like Severus.

“Ah yes, I’m afraid the dear boy was not very happy with me when I suggested he add some color to his wardrobe,” Albus sighed in mock sadness.

“Oh?” Tom asked, amused.

“Yes, well I may have also instructed the house elves to add a few colorful robes to his dresser. I think he changed the password the morning he found them,” the older man said happily.

Tom shook his head in amusement. Albus certainly hadn’t changed much since his own school days.

“Anyway, Hogwarts has added an office to your quarters for when you’re not working at St. Mungo’s, and there is another bedroom with a connecting door to Severus’ room,” Albus continued, giving Tom a brief tour of the quarters. “I have also had the house elves strengthen the wards of the Safe Room in the hospital wing, accessible by floo. If Severus has been cutting or is injured and in need of medical attention, you can use that room.”

“Thank you, Albus. Would it also be possible to have Severus’ bedroom warded against self-harm as well? I like there to be a safe space where I can send my patients if they’re in a self-destructive state of mind, but not actually self-harming. A bedroom often works the best because they are comfortable and familiar in it, and it’s a good place for them to calm down. If they do continue to get worked up, they are not able to cause themselves serious harm while in the bedroom,” Tom said.

“Of course. I will ask the house elves to ward the room before Severus arrives. Do you know when you will be releasing him?” Albus asked.  

“I will continue to speak with him more today and tomorrow, but from our conversation today, I do not believe that he is still suicidal. If I find that to be the case, I will release him after the mandatory twenty-four hours are over, and he can return to our quarters,” Tom replied, heading upstairs to where Severus’ and his bedrooms were located. “Have you searched Severus’ belongings, yet?” Tom asked. Albus shook his head. “We should probably do that now then.”

Tom opened the door to his ward’s bedroom and sighed. The young man had quite a lot of objects that could be used to harm himself. Together, he and the headmaster took all of Severus’ potions knives, sharp quills, and anything with sharp edges, shrinking them to fit into a small bag that Tom banished to his bedroom. Even though Severus would be unable to harm himself with any implements while he was in his bedroom, he didn’t want to leave objects out that would tempt him.

“Severus also informed me that you monitor what potions he brews for his own safety. Will you continue doing this?”

“Ah, yes. I will, unless you’d prefer to monitor it?”

“No, please continue. You probably prevented Severus from succeeding in taking his life, Albus. He confessed that he would have taken a fast-acting poison if he had been able to,” Tom said gravely.

Albus paled and he sank heavily into a chair. “Oh, my poor child. I’ve failed him, Tom,” he said, closing his eyes sadly.

“No, you have not, Albus. You helped him recover when he was a teenager, and you’re helping him now. Severus has been without guidance from a parental figure for the past few years while he earned his mastery, but now he has the support of you, me, and the rest of the staff. He will get better with time,” Tom said, laying a reassuring hand on Albus’ shoulder.

Albus took a deep breath. “Thank you, Tom. What can I do to help Severus recover?”

“You can be there for him as a second parental figure. It will be good for Severus to have multiple people to rely on. I would also like your assistance in enforcing the rules I have for Severus,” Tom replied.

“Rules?” Albus asked, confused.

“Severus was abused for sixteen years, Albus. Abused children do not learn how to treat themselves properly as they’ve had no caring guidance in their lives. Severus has grown up thinking that self-harm and self-destructive behaviors are acceptable, and that his life doesn’t matter. We need to teach Severus that these habits are not okay, and we do that by establishing consistent rules and consequences.”

“I understand, but how do you plan on disciplining him? Severus is of age now.”

Tom nodded. “Yes, but he is still young, only nineteen. The consequences will be designed to help him reflect on his behaviors and why they are not acceptable. I will likely give him time outs, groundings, and early bedtimes for behavioral issues. I would appreciate it if you enforced the rules during the day while I am working at St. Mungo’s.”

“Of course, Tom. I can see how consistency with the rules and consequences will help him feel more comfortable while also teaching healthy behaviors. What are the rules you have?”

“There will be rules and consequences for repeated disrespect, purposeful disobedience, and any harmful behaviors besides cutting.”

“But, Tom-!” Albus interrupted, looking surprised.

“That is not to say that I will encourage his self-harm, on the contrary. I will not punish him for cutting though because it is not entirely under his control at the moment. I will be working with him on different coping mechanisms during our sessions, but Severus has been cutting for so many years that it’s almost instinctive. It would be unfair to punish him before he has a chance to become accustomed to using different coping techniques. I will, however, punish him with a timeout or grounding if he tries to hide any injuries or uses glamours.”

Albus nodded in understanding. “That sounds reasonable. I will do my best for enforce those rules. I have watched Severus self-destruct for too many months without intervening when I should have. For one thing, I should warn you that Severus has a bad habit of not sleeping for many days in a row. The house elves have informed me that he’ll simply take a Pepper-Up Potion to stay awake and then work all night long.”

“Thank you for telling me. Sleep deprivation will only exacerbate his self-destructive behaviors, so I will have to set a bedtime for him, along with the other rules. I’m sure that will be an interesting conversation,” Tom said with a wry smile.

Albus chuckled. “He will definitely be less than pleased to hear that he still has rules and consequences.” He sobered. “Tom, how long do you think it will take for Severus to stop self-harming?”

Tom sighed. “I can’t tell you, Albus. It depends a lot on Severus and how willing he is to work with me. It could take from between six months to a few years. While there will be progress, there will also be relapses. You should be prepared for sudden changes in his behavior. Due to the abuse he suffered from for most of his life, this is going to be the first time he finds himself in someone’s consistent, loving care. He likely won’t know how to handle it at first. When he is feeling vulnerable, he’ll probably become either very defensive and standoffish or very childlike and clingy. I expect that after being disciplined, he’ll likely feel insecure and act much younger than his age. You will need to comfort him and reassure him that you care and love him, even if he claims he doesn’t need it. If he is rude and insulting, it is essential that you stay calm and consistent with consequences. Severus lashes out because he is afraid. It is another one of his defense mechanisms. Also, when you discipline him, you have to make sure he understands the reason why. Severus needs to learn that we are not like his abusive father who beat him for no reason at all. We have to help him learn that he will always be cared for and loved, even when he misbehaves. Does that make sense?” Tom asked intently.

“Yes, I understand,” Albus said seriously. It would be a bit of an adjustment from his usual role as the boy’s mentor, but he would do whatever needed to be done in order to help the young man recover.


	5. Chapter Five

Severus lay on the hospital bed, staring at the ceiling in boredom. The twenty-four hours were finally over, and he was quite eager to leave the confines of the Safe Room. It had admittedly been nice when his colleagues had sat with him and told him how much they cared, but at the same time it had been absolutely mortifying to be on suicide watch _again_ with the same people who had monitored him when he was a Hogwarts student. Luckily, most of them had noticed his discomfort and hadn’t tried to talk too much.

Now he just waiting for Tom to clear him. There was a knock at the door, and Severus quickly sat up.

“Good afternoon, Poppy. I am here to officially release Severus from the hospital wing,” Tom said with a smile.

“Hello, Tom. Just give me a second, please.” The mediwitch turned to Severus. “Now you behave yourself, alright Severus? And make sure you eat and sleep enough,” Poppy fussed.  

Severus rolled his eyes and hastily swung his legs over the bed. “Did you hear me, young man? If I hear that you haven’t been taking care of yourself properly, you will find yourself back here faster than you can say ‘I’m fine,’ understand?” Poppy warned.

The potions master sighed in resignation. Merlin, between Poppy and Minerva, he was going to be mollycoddled to death!

“Yes, I understand, Poppy. Thank you,” Severus replied dutifully.

“Very well. You may go then,” the mediwitch relented.

Severus breathed in relief and quickly strode for the door. _Finally_. He could tell that Tom was following him, but he ignored the man in favor of hurrying back to his rooms.

“How about some company?” Tom suggested, interrupting the silence.

“I know my way to my own quarters, Tom,” Severus sneered, glaring at his healer with annoyance.

“I wasn’t suggesting that you didn’t, Severus. We do have some things to discuss, though,” Tom said evenly, placing a firm hand on the young man’s back. He was pleased to note that the young man didn’t flinch at the contact, something he and the Hogwarts professors had worked hard on during the two months while he had been Albus’ ward. Of course, it didn’t mean that the young man wasn’t wary of physical contact, but at least he wasn’t expecting a blow at every touch. However, Severus was evidently still uncomfortable with the gesture and roughly shook off his hand, sneering as he stalked towards the dungeons.

When they reached the portrait door, Severus muttered the password and started towards his bedroom, ignoring the healer who followed after him.

"Before you ask," Tom said, watching the young man’s expression, "Albus and I have searched your bedroom and confiscated anything with which you could harm yourself. Your bedroom has been warded against self-harm, although the rest of the quarters are not due to impracticality since you will have access to the rest of the unwarded castle. However, if the monitoring charm alerts me that you’ve been harming yourself in other parts of the castle, I will send you to the Safe Room. You are allowed to have your wand as you haven’t used it to hurt yourself yet, but if you use it to self-harm, it will be taken away from you except for during your classes and hall patrols.”

Severus’ face morphed into a mix of horror and indignation. “You can’t take away my wand!”  

“I think you’ll find that I can and will, if I catch you using it to self-harm,” Tom replied sternly, noticing the young man’s belligerent expression. “We should also go over the rules,” he continued. Rules were good. They would help Severus feel safe by knowing what to expect, even if the boy denied it.

Severus snorted. "I am an adult. I do not need rules.”

"You may be an adult, but you are still young. Regardless, as your guardian, I am responsible for taking care of you and correcting your behavior as needed,” Tom said firmly. “The rules and consequences are designed to keep you safe and healthy.”

Severus stiffened. “Consequences, sir?” he asked, his body tense. It had been five years since he was last beaten by his father, but the memories of the belt buckle hitting his back were still fresh in his mind.

Tom’s face softened. “I know that you do not completely trust me yet, and that is to be expected considering the limited time we’ve interacted. However, I promise you that I will never abuse you like your father did. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Severus answered nervously, staring at the floor and trying to hide the fear in his voice. Tom had never given him a reason to distrust him before, but he’d only interacted with the healer for a total of eight one-hour sessions before he’d turned seventeen and left to earn his Potions Mastery. Now that they were magically bonded, the man was free to break his promise and beat him whenever without fearing repercussions.

Tom studied his ward before reaching out and gently lifting his chin. He nodded to himself. Yes, this was necessary. “Severus, I swear on my magic that I will never abuse you.”

Severus gaped at the man, unable to believe that his guardian had actually made a magical oath. “But...but that means you’ll lose your magic if you break your oath!” Severus sputtered.

“Yes, child, but I have no intention of ever breaking my oath and abusing you. I hope knowing that will help you begin to fully trust me.”

Severus nodded wordlessly. With that magical oath, Severus no longer had to fear a beating from his new guardian. And if he didn’t have to fear his guardian, then there was no way that he going to accept any rules!

“Alright, Severus. Let’s move on to the rules and consequences. First of all, breaking any of the rules I have for you will result in corner time, early bedtimes, groundings, or a loss of a privilege like restricted experimental brewing time. I will start with general rules. I expect you to be respectful, obey my instructions as your healer, attend our therapy sessions for their full duration, and not hide your injuries from me. Swearing is also not acceptable. If you choose to ignore my warning about your language, your mouth will be washed out with soap or you will get a dose of the inhibeo potion,” Tom said, glancing at the young man who was glaring daggers at him.

“I am no longer sixteen, Tom,” Severus sneered. “I am too old to get my mouth washed out with soap. And you have no right to control my language, anyway! I’m nineteen now!” the young man protested, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment and anger. That punishment was for children!

“You are still a teenager, Severus. And as I’ve explained before, as your magically bonded guardian, regardless of your age, I still have the authority to correct your behavior,” Tom said calmly.

"I am not a bloody child, Tom! I refuse to obey your fucking rules!" Severus snarled. He was an adult and being treated like this was an outrage!

Tom’s eyes narrowed. “Your current language certainly doesn't sound like that of a mature adult. I suggest you adjust your tone, unless you’d like a dose of the potion right now?” he said sternly.

Severus opened his mouth and then clamped it shut, glaring at the floor. “No, sir,” he muttered sullenly after a moment of silence.

“Thank you. Now, let's continue onto the other rules I have for you. I will not be pleased if you purposefully deceive or lie to me. The only way that we can build a relationship with trust is if you are honest with me, and in return I will do the same. As a mind healer, I am well aware that it is very difficult to talk about our problems and fears, so I ask that instead that you simply tell me that you do not wish to discuss the topic at the moment. Does that seem like an acceptable agreement?” Tom asked.

Severus grudgingly nodded. The healer’s reasoning did make sense, even if he didn’t like it. _Still, they’re stupid rules. I’m not a wayward child that needs guidance!_

Tom continued, deciding to let the nonverbal answer slide for the moment. “Now my most important rule is that you will not needlessly risk your life or put yourself in harm’s way. Your life is extremely important, and therefore risking it involves a more serious consequence. You shall not be disciplined for your self-harm, as I understand that it is not under your control yet, but otherwise risking your life will result in multiple consequences. Your life matters, and you will learn to value it. Do you understand?”

Severus gave a stiff nod, his eyes glaring daggers at the floor. “Yes, I understand,” he ground out bitterly. Oh, he understood all right, but that did NOT mean he had to be happy about it. It was his life, and he should be able to decide what he did with it.

“Excellent. Now, regardless of your behavior, you shall always be forgiven, and I shall comfort you, whether you claim to want it or not. As your guardian, it is my job to take care of you, and I will always give you comfort when you need it,” Tom continued.

“I am not a child that needs to be cuddled, Tom. I am not weak!” Severus spat. Comfort was only for the weak and pathetic. His father had drilled that into his head every time he had cried during a beating.

“Accepting comfort and support does not make you weak, Severus.”

Severus shifted uncomfortably. “Do you have any other rules?” he asked reluctantly, trying to change the subject.

Tom nodded. "Yes, although these are more like daily habits that will help improve your health. You are to attend all three meals a day, and you are not to vanish your food. I will also enforce a bedtime of 2am. The bedtime is in place because according to Albus, you will take a Pepper-Up Potion to stay awake and then work all night long. Sleep deprivation is very unhealthy, and I will not allow you to do this to yourself any longer. As I said, I will not punish you for cutting because I am aware that it is a coping mechanism and almost instinctual at this point. However, if the monitoring charm alerts me to you harming yourself or making another attempt at ending your life, I will confine you to the Safe Room so that you cannot continue to hurt yourself. Do you have any questions, Severus?” Tom asked.

Severus visibly seethed at the ridiculousness of the rules. _It’s not fair! I’m an adult, and I should be in charge of when and how much I eat, and if I need therapy or not! I don’t care what Poppy and Albus and Tom say. I do have it under control! And for Merlin’s sake! I have a fucking bedtime?!_

“Severus?”

“These rules are completely unfair,” Severus burst out angrily, unable to remain silent.

“How so?” Tom asked lightly.

“I am an adult. It is my business alone how much I eat or sleep and if I want help or not,” Severus growled.

“I’m afraid that it is no longer your choice, as you have shown through your actions that you are self-destructive. As I said, I am your bonded guardian, and I am the one with the legal authority to make medical choices for you. If you were at a treatment center or St. Mungo’s, it would be the same,” he explained quietly, never once losing his calm demeanor. “These rules are in place to protect you from harming yourself and hiding it, and I am afraid that they will continue to be in place until you can be trusted to take care of yourself.”

Severus glared mutinously at his healer. This was all just too much. “My life is none of your fucking business, so keep your bloody nose out of it, you bastard!” he exploded furiously.

Tom sighed. The healer had worked with many young adults over the years, and it was common for patients to act out, especially after suicide attempts. Their freedom and coping mechanisms were taken away from them, and most didn’t know how to handle that, so they lashed out. It was when they lashed out that it was most important to establish consistent but caring discipline. Severus was testing his boundaries, and it was important to show him that Tom cared enough to discipline him for his behavior.

Flicking his wand, he muttered, “Accio inhibeo potion.” The vial flew into his hand. Uncorking it, he carefully measured out a spoonful. “Two minutes, young man. Open up,” Tom ordered sternly.

Severus stared with barely concealed dread at the lumpy gray sludge that was held in front of him. _Oh Merlin, no, please not the sludge potion! Why did I have to go and swear again in front of Tom? I’m such an idiot!_

The potion was quite disgusting to have in one’s mouth, and Severus clearly remembered it from when Tom had used it to curb the young man’s tongue when he was a sixth year. Severus looked pleadingly at his guardian, but Tom’s expression remained stern. “You were warned about your language, Severus. Open. Up.” The potions master pouted childishly, reluctantly opening his mouth the tiniest bit, but enough so that Tom could insert a spoonful of the potion.

Severus’ face immediately scrunched up, even as he desperately tried to maintain a neutral expression. He clenched his teeth, determined to take his punishment like an adult. _Ewww ewww ewww yucky yucky yuck! Merlin, whoever came up with this stuff should be put in Azkaban! Ahh, I promise I’ll never swear again!_

His eyes started to water as the greasy, lumpy sludge slid around in his mouth, coating his tongue and teeth. Severus grimaced in disgust, inwardly berating himself for being such a dunderhead and losing his temper with Tom. He knew that Tom would follow through with his threat, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from testing the man.

“One more minute.”

 _Nooo…. only half way done! Ahhrgh! I want this slop out of my mouth NOW!_ Giving up on his futile attempt at acting dignified, Severus started bouncing on his heels and turned pleading puppy dog eyes to Tom.  

Tom held back a smile, observing how young his ward appeared. The normally stoic professor’s face was all scrunched up, and he was squirming and bouncing on his feet like a young child. Well, Tom had no doubt that Severus was quite eager to spit out the potion; it really was quite a revolting invention. However, it worked wonders on patients whose language could be improved, so Tom still used it. “Alright, Severus. You may rinse your mouth now.”

The young man immediately rushed to the sink and spat the potion out, gargling with water multiple times to try and get the taste out. When he was done rinsing, he turned around to face Tom, his cheeks a light pink. “I’m sorry for my language,” he mumbled.

“You are forgiven, Severus,” Tom said, giving Severus a hug which the young man melted into after slight resistance. Tom smiled sadly, knowing that the child had never been offered much positive physical contact and desperately craved the comfort. “Now, how about a game of chess before dinner?”

* * *

Severus strode into the Great Hall, noticing that the staff table had been extended for another person. The potions master took his normal seat besides Minerva, and Tom sat on his other side next to Albus. Severus reluctantly scooped a few potatoes onto his plate, glaring at his healer when the man added a slice of roast beef and a spoonful of carrots.

“I am more than capable of feeding myself,” Severus hissed angrily.

“Were you planning on eating more than three small potatoes for dinner, Severus?” Tom asked. The young man didn’t answer, only glaring at his half-full plate. “Then I’m afraid I must disagree that you are capable of feeding yourself a healthy amount of food. I know that it will be hard for you to start eating again, but I ask that you try your best,” Tom said calmly.

Severus rolled his eyes but picked up his fork and moodily stabbed a potato. He wasn’t the Head of Slytherin House for nothing. He was an expert at subtlety and slyness, and if he couldn’t manage to vanish his food without being caught by an annoying, meddlesome healer, then his skills clearly needed some work. As soon as Tom turned to chat with Albus, Severus muttered the charm under his breath, smirking when his carrots disappeared.

“Severus, how are you feeling?” a stern yet caring voice inquired from his right. Severus turned to meet Minerva’s concerned gaze. He felt bad that she had been one of the people who had seen him trying to kill himself. The woman had always been a role model and mentor for him. She had cared for him even though he’d been a snake, stopped the bullying from the Marauders when she could, and tried her best to make sure he took care of himself.

“I’m doing fine, Minerva.” Severus hesitated briefly before continuing. “I-I’m sorry about the other night…” he trailed off, not knowing how to apologize for making her witness her former student and current colleague trying to jump off of the astronomy tower. Of course, she’d been notified along with the rest of the staff when he’d attempted suicide in sixth year, but she hadn’t had to witness it.

“You don’t need to apologize, child. I’m just glad that Tom has come back to help you heal. I want to remind you that you can always come to me for anything, and I won’t judge you. You know that, don’t you, Severus?” Minerva asked softly.

Severus averted his eyes. “Yes, I know. Thank you, Minerva,” he responded a bit stiffly. He always felt awkward and uncomfortable when people expressed emotions around him, especially when caring emotions were directed towards him. Growing up with neglect from his mother and abuse from his father, he wasn’t quite sure how to handle it when people cared about him.

Minerva just nodded, not taking any offense to his stiff demeanor. She understood that Severus was still uncomfortable when anyone expressed concern about him. He hadn’t had many therapy sessions with Tom before turning seventeen and declaring that he no longer needed help, but the young man had clearly needed more counseling. She hoped that with the newly formed bond between Tom and Severus, her child would finally get the help that he needed.

Severus turned his attention back to his roast beef. He slowly cut it into pieces, vanishing them one at a time. He felt bad for vanishing his food after Minerva had just told him she cared about him, but she didn’t understand. It was his fault that he was too useless to save Lily, and a murderer didn’t deserve food.

* * *

As soon as the door to their personal quarters had closed, Tom abruptly turned around to face his patient.

“Accio nutrient potion.” A potion flew into Tom’s hand, and he handed it to Severus. “Drink, please.”

Severus glared at his healer. “I don’t need a nutrient poti-”

“That was not a suggestion, Severus. Drink it, now, please,” Tom ordered. Severus rolled his eyes, but seeing the unyielding look in his guardian’s eyes, reluctantly took the vial and swallowed, grimacing at the taste.  

“Thank you. You will take a nutrient potion with or after every meal until you can finish a full plate of food. And do not think that I didn’t notice you vanishing your food, young man. I am trained to notice things like that. Do not do it again, do you understand?” Tom asked sternly.

Severus blanched. _How on earth did he notice? His head was turned away every time I vanished something! Damn, I’ll have to be much more careful next time._

“There will not be a next time, Severus,” Tom added, as if he knew what Severus was thinking.

Severus immediately became defensive. “You can’t control whether or not I eat, unless you want to personally hand feed me,” he sneered.

Tom’s gaze darkened, and Severus was quickly turned around and a light swat was delivered to his bottom.

“Hey!” Severus yelped.

“That was your warning, Severus. If I catch you vanishing your food again, you will lose your experimental brewing privileges, understood?”

Severus lowered his eyes. “Yes, sir. I understand,” he muttered sullenly.  

The healer sighed. "Severus, I don’t discipline you because it brings me any satisfaction. I discipline you because I care about you, and I want you to know that this self-destructive behavior is not acceptable. Your life and well-being matter, and I hope to help you learn to take care of them when I correct your behavior,” Tom said gently.

Severus nodded silently, his demeanor softening slightly. He absolutely did not need help, but he had to admit that it was comforting that his guardian cared enough to gently correct him if he neglected his health. It made him feel safe and cared for, feelings he’d never experienced with his parents while growing up. He definitely didn’t agree with what Tom wanted, and he certainly wasn’t planning on obeying him, but if he could avoid getting caught again, then maybe having a guardian wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

The floo flared to life and Albus stepped out, startling the two wizards. “Good evening, gentlemen. I just wanted to see how you both were settling in,” he said with a bright smile.

“You know, Headmaster, there’s this ingenious custom of knocking on the door and waiting for permission before entering someone’s quarters, although you are clearly unfamiliar with it,” Severus drawled sarcastically, glaring at his employer.

“My apologies, my boy,” Albus said cheerfully, his eyes twinkling. “Lemon drop?” he asked, holding out a tin.

Severus rolled his eyes, and Tom politely declined. “What do you want, Headmaster?” Severus asked with an impatient sigh.

“I just wanted to ask if you two need anything before I retire for the night,” Albus responded, directing his attention towards Tom.

“Actually Albus, I was wondering if you could ask the house elves to spell the plates against vanishing charms. It would be best to remove the possibility of that temptation,” Tom said evenly, gesturing almost imperceptibly towards Severus.

Albus nodded, glancing at the embarrassed young man who was staring hard at the floor. “Of course. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, Severus. We’re all going to be working together to help you heal, and I will do whatever I can to make it easier for you,” the headmaster replied, giving him a caring pat on the shoulder. “I will ask the house elves before I return to my quarters. Is that all?” Albus asked.

“Yes, thank you, Albus,” Tom said, eyeing his ward who was still refusing to look up at them.

 “Of course. Goodnight to you both, then.”

“Goodnight, Albus.”

The headmaster disappeared in a flash of flames, and Tom turned to face Severus. Slowly reaching out, he placed a finger under his young ward’s chin, lifting his head up to make eye contact. “Albus is right, you know. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has rough periods in their life when they need some help, and you happen to be going through one right now. It will get better, I promise. All I ask is that you try your best to work with me, okay?”

Severus scowled, inwardly seething about how unfair everything was. He didn’t need any help, and it was embarrassing being treated like a little kid in front of his colleagues and Albus! He was absolutely fine! So what if he didn’t feel like eating? He was an adult and had the right to make his own choices. And Tom just didn’t understand about his self-harm. He needed it to feel better.

“Severus?” Tom prompted.

“Whatever,” Severus muttered.

Tom smiled sadly, placing a hand on the young man’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. He knew exactly what his patient was thinking, like so many others before him who had struggled with similar problems. It would take time for Severus to reach the point where he realized he needed help, but the healer would be there for him every step of the way. Tom had never met anyone who had bonded with a patient before, but after being named Severus’ guardian by Lady Magic, he realized that he was not only professionally invested but also personally invested in the young man’s well-being and health. It had only been a few days since they’d bonded, but Tom already cared about Severus like a son.

“Come on, child. Let’s head up to your bedroom,” Tom said with an encouraging smile.  

Severus hesitantly followed the man upstairs to his room. He wasn’t sure what to expect from his new guardian. He knew that Tom would never do what his father had done to him, but he was still nervous. Severus shuddered, trying to tear himself from those awful memories. _Tom won’t abuse me. He swore on his magic. He swore…_

“Why don’t you head to the bathroom and change into your pajamas?” Tom suggested, settling into a chair beside Severus’ bed.

Severus nodded and wordlessly entered the bathroom. When he had finished changing and brushing his teeth, he came out, hesitating by the door.

Tom noticed his ward’s nervousness and smiled gently. “I can stay until you fall asleep or leave once you’re in bed. It’s up to you, Severus.”

“I-I think I’d prefer it if you left,” Severus said quietly, slipping into bed.

“Of course,” Tom said, standing up and nudging the sheets underneath Severus’ body.

“Um, what are you doing, Tom?” Severus asked, looking at his guardian with confusion.

Tom smiled sadly, heartbroken that the young man had clearly never experienced someone tucking him in before. “I’m tucking you in, child. Then I’ll leave, I promise.” Severus remained silent as Tom finished. “If you need me during the night, I’m in the adjoining room. You can come through the door connecting our rooms at any time if you need something. Okay?” Severus looked uncertain but nodded.

Tom leaned down and gave his ward a quick kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, child.” He turned off the lights and quietly left the room, closing the door behind him.  

Severus lay there, startled by the gesture of physical affection. Any touch he’d been given by Tobias had always resulted in pain or humiliation, but Tom’s touch almost seemed… loving, maybe even parental. Severus closed his eyes in contemplation. It had certainly been quite a day.

He was less than thrilled about all of the rules Tom had established, but they weren’t humiliating or cruel. Severus knew that he’d have to watch himself though, especially his language, unless he wanted to be walking around with the taste of soap in his mouth for the next week. The man certainly wasn’t a pushover.

What surprised him the most was that Tom had sworn a magical oath to never abuse him. Severus would have never guessed that anyone would ever risk losing their magic over him, and for such a trivial thing as beating him! He was used to being treated cruelly by the people who had power over him, and abuse was nothing new to him.

Tom appeared to be drastically different from Tobias, though. The man had even tucked him in for bed! Severus had never been tucked in before, but he grudgingly admitted that he liked it, even if he was far too old for it. It made him feel cared for and loved. His mother had always been too fearful of his father’s anger to show him any affection, so he would usually slink up to bed and try to avoid being noticed by Tobias. Tom had even told him that he was free to wake the man if he needed anything! Tobias would have beaten him if he’d even accidentally woken the man up by making too much noise in the morning or at night.

Of course, the rules and consequences were absolutely ridiculous and meant for a young child, but at least he knew what to expect. It was much better than when he lived with Tobias and there were no rules, only beatings whenever and for whatever had displeased his father.

Severus sighed, mulling over his options. The healer didn’t seem to understand that he simply did not need help. And while he didn’t want to actively disobey Tom, the rules in place would simply not work. He could not manage to eat half a plate of food at every meal and avoid self-harming. It was impossible! He would just have to find a way to hide it. 


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter will have a description of past abuse. Please skip these sections if you are uncomfortable.

Severus cautiously opened the door and looked around, checking to make sure that no one was in the corridor. Ever since the house elves had charmed the plates against vanishing charms, it had been more difficult to avoid eating, but luckily, he’d discovered that the silverware was not charmed. For the past few days, he had been putting food on his fork and then vanishing it right as it entered his mouth and pretending to chew. He wasn’t a Slytherin for no reason, after all. Finding a way to self-harm had more difficult, since Tom lived in his quarters where he was used to cutting himself. Remembering the Room of Requirement had been a blessing, since he could prevent Tom and Albus from entering and also prevent the monitoring charm from working. Tonight was the first time Severus had managed to sneak into the RoR during his patrol hours and finally feel the relief of the blade again. He had made sure to not spend too long, in case Tom or Albus went looking for him, so he’d only made a few cuts, although some were rather deep.

Casting a glamour on himself, Severus quickly left the Room of Requirement and started walking down the hallway, continuing his patrol. He gasped when he was suddenly grabbed from behind and somebody cast a binding charm on him. "How dare you! Release me at once, you imbecilic dunderhead!" Severus screeched, outraged and ready to give a month of detention with Filch to the brat who had dared to attack him.

"Severus, we need to see what you’ve done," a calm voice murmured into his ear. _Fuck._ It was his guardian who had him held so tightly. He felt his shirt and robe vanish, and the headmaster cast a revealing charm on his glamoured stomach and wrists. Severus closed his eyes as Tom and Albus looked down at the line of prominent ribs and deep cuts on his wrists.

“How did you find out?” Severus asked weakly. They shouldn’t have been alerted when he’d self-harmed! He thought he’d been successful in getting the Room of Requirement to block all outside spells.

“The Room of Requirement is still a part of Hogwarts and therefore under the control of the headmaster. I had suspected that you might use the RoR to harm yourself and asked Hogwarts to prevent the room from blocking our monitoring spell. The castle fortunately accommodated my request, as it was clearly needed,” Albus said, the usual twinkle absent from his eyes.

Severus flushed at that statement. _Damn sentient castle._

Tom sighed sadly. “Come on, Severus. We’re taking you to the Safe Room.”

"NO! I won’t go to the Hospital Wing! I’m fine!" Severus shouted, writhing against his invisible bonds. He refused to be locked up in the Safe Room again! He wouldn’t go! He wouldn’t!

Tom and Albus calmly ignored Severus’ protests, taking him by the arms and dragging him towards the infirmary. When they reached the Safe Room, Tom lifted Severus onto the bed and pulled out his wand, releasing the binding charm but activating the medical restraints on the bed. Severus let out a growl of frustration, tugging at the restraints that held down his ankles and strapped his wrists beside his body.

“Stop fighting me, Severus,” Tom warned as he placed a hand on the young man’s forearm, sending his magic to heal the boy’s injuries. The healer frowned, sensing a few deep cuts that he couldn’t completely heal. “Albus, could you pass me the bandages, please?”

“Here you go,” the headmaster murmured.

“Thank you,” Tom said, unraveling the roll of bandages and starting to wrap Severus’ arm. After the healer had finished, he walked over to the potions cabinet and carefully mixed two potions. Turning back to his ward, Tom held the vial to Severus’ lips. “Drink, please,” he ordered firmly.

Severus scowled at him, turning his head away, "No," he snapped, yanking against the straps, wincing when the restraint rubbed against one of his cuts. “I won’t take it," he snarled, tugging on the straps again, "Why can’t you just fucking let me go?"

"I do not trust that you won’t try to bolt and prevent me from healing you. Until you prove to me you can be trusted, I will not release you from your restraints."

Severus visibly deflated and let out a soft whimper. "Please," he pleaded, tugging fruitlessly on the restraints.

"I’m sorry, Severus," Tom said softly, "but I can’t do that. You need to understand, it is my job as your guardian and mind healer to do my best to prevent you from hurting yourself again.” Severus whimpered again, starting to panic and trying to yank his hands free. "You need to calm down or you’ll reopen your wounds,” Tom said firmly, fastening another strap across Severus’ chest so that he couldn’t use his upper body to struggle. The healer despised using restraints on his patients, as it often left them feeling helpless and took away their agency, but it was unfortunately sometimes necessary when patients refused to stop self-harming. And since Severus' most recent self-inflicted wounds were borderline suicidal, Tom didn't want to take any chances. 

Severus growled at the additional restraint, unable to move anything but his head, "Let me go!" he begged. "Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because I care about you, Severus, and I will protect you, including from yourself. Now open your mouth. You need to take this disinfectant potion for your arms,” Tom said, sending a bit of calming magic into his patient. 

“No.” Severus pressed his lips firmly together and shook his head, fighting the calming magic as it entered his body.

“I’m going to count to three, Severus. And by the time I reach three, you better have your mouth open. One… two…”

Severus fumed, glaring at his healer. He was not a bloody child! Counting would not scare him.

“Three. Very well, Severus. If you will not cooperate, then I have no choice but to force-feed you the potion. I will not allow your injuries to become infected simply because you were too stubborn to take a potion.” Tom slowly reached out and gently gripped the back of Severus’ head, firmly tilting it upwards. Severus stiffened, but kept his mouth clamped shut when Tom brought the potion to his lips. Tom sighed. “Albus, please pinch his nose shut so that he’ll open his mouth.” Severus glared furiously as his nostrils were pinched, fighting furiously against the restraints and the two wizards’ grasps. He held his breath for as long as he could before parting his lips the very slightest amount to get air. In a flash, the potion was emptied into his mouth and trickling towards his throat. “Swallow, Severus,” Tom said, gently massaging his throat to help him swallow.

Severus reluctantly swallowed the potion, relieved when his nose and head were finally released. He felt himself becoming drowsy and silently cursed. _Damn healer drugged me._ His eyes closed, and he fell into darkness.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes early the next morning, cursing angrily when he tried to sit up but found something restraining him. He glanced down, seeing that his chest, wrists, and ankles were still secured to the bed with thick leather straps. At that moment, Tom stirred in the chair beside him and Severus held his breath, hoping that the man wouldn’t wake up. Maybe then he could wandlessly remove the restraints and what appeared to be a potions drip injected into his arm, and escape through the floo. His plan was ruined when Tom opened his eyes.

“I already know what you are thinking, Severus, and no, you cannot go off and try to hurt yourself again," the healer said wearily. 

"I’m fine, Tom. Take the damn potions drip out and let me go. I have classes to teach!"

“You are definitely not fine, Severus,” Tom said sternly. “Albus has gotten a substitute teacher for potions until you are healthy enough to teach. And the potions drip will stay until you no longer have a life-threatening lack of nutrients in your body. As a professor, you are required to eat dinner in the Great Hall, but I shall be much more vigilant than I was previously to make sure you aren’t vanishing your food. As it is, for that and for trying to hide your injuries from me with glamours, you have earned yourself a timeout in the corner and three days of grounding once you are well enough to return to our quarters. I am very serious about protecting you, including from yourself,” the healer finished.

Severus pouted at the mention of punishment for breaking the rules. Although he’d gotten a warning before, he had been wondering if Tom would follow through and actually punish him for not taking care of himself and eating properly. At least with the rules and consequences already set, he knew what to expect, unlike with Tobias. Without the fear of being abused, it was actually almost nice to have someone who cared enough to discipline him for his self-destructive actions. Not that he would ever admit it.

“Severus, do you understand why I’m doing this?” the healer asked gently, shaking Severus from his thoughts.

Severus looked up and nodded. He could trust Tom. “Yes, sir. I understand.”

“I’m glad. Now, how about some breakfast?” the healer suggested, calling for a house elf and ordering two plates.

The potions master groaned as soon as he saw the tray of food that appeared at his bedside. “Tom, I’m not hungry,” he protested. “And that’s way too much!” he complained, warily eying the bowl of porridge and toast.

“I don’t think I have to remind you why you are here, Severus,” Tom admonished.

Severus flushed and looked down. “Can you at least untie me then?” he sulked, nodding his head impatiently towards his restrained arms.

“Of course, Severus. After you take this appetite stimulant. Open up,” the healer said smoothly.

Severus glowered at the meddlesome healer. The man was certainly a Slytherin, refusing to release him until he took the potion. And if he didn’t take it, Tom would probably spoon-feed him like a baby, and there was no way in hell that he would suffer that indignity. Reluctantly, the potions master opened his mouth and swallowed the potion, grimacing at the taste.

“Thank you, Severus,” Tom said, releasing him from his restraints with a wave of his wand.

Severus scowled at his guardian, shifting to sit upright on the bed. _Bloody manipulative healer. As if I had a choice._ Tom merely smirked at him, causing Severus to glare even harder at the man.

“Eat up, Severus. Remember, the sooner you reach a healthy weight, the sooner you can leave the hospital wing,” Tom said, attempting to appease his angry ward. Severus scowled again but reluctantly started eating. The healer sighed in relief. He certainly had his work cut out for himself.

* * *

It was 2am, and Severus crept out of bed, tightly grasping his wand. The past two weeks had been rather boring for him. Sure, he'd had books and potions magazines to read, and Albus and Minerva had stopped by to play chess with him and chat every day, but hadn't been able to brew. Poppy had forbidden him from brewing while confined in the hospital wing because he was apparently "too weak from a lack of nutrients," so he'd been forced to entertain himself without his potions and cauldron. 

He was perfectly fine now, though, and Poppy was only keeping him in the hospital wing for pointless "observation." It was a complete waste of his valuable time to spend the next few days stuck in bed while he could instead be using it to work on his new potion for the upcoming issue of  _Potions from the Newest Masters_. He needed to come up with a submission or else he was never going to become a renowned potions master! 

Severus reached the door to the Safe Room and whispered a complex unlocking charm, hoping that it would be strong enough to dismantle the ward Tom had placed on the door. The young man smirked in triumph when he heard the lock click open. _That was easy._ He quietly turned the doorknob, only to freeze in shock when he was met face to face by an irate mediwitch.

“Going somewhere, Severus?” Poppy demanded, her hands on her hips.

Severus gulped. “Err… bathroom?” he said weakly.

“And the reason why you didn’t want to use the bathroom in the Safe Room is...?” the mediwitch questioned, her eyes narrowed.  

The potions master shrunk back under the glare Poppy gave him. Merlin, the woman could be scary! “I...err-” he stuttered.

“Very well, if you forgot about the bathroom in the Safe Room, then now you know,” Poppy said, pointing to the small little bathroom attached to his room. “I’ll wait for you to go so that I can make sure you get back into bed afterwards.”

Severus paled and desperately tried to backtrack. “Actually, I don’t really have to go anymo-”

“Nonsense, Severus. You clearly needed to use the bathroom badly if you were trying to break through the ward that Tom placed here. Go on, now. Do you need assistance?” Poppy asked in a brisk tone.

Severus blushed furiously. “No! I’m fine, really! I-” He broke off when Poppy grabbed him by the arm and marched him over to the bathroom.

“Go on, Severus. I’m a professional mediwitch, but I’ll turn my back while you do your business if that will make you feel more comfortable,” Poppy said straight-faced, succeeding in hiding her smirk. She knew perfectly well that Severus had been trying to escape, but she was a Slytherin too, and she wasn’t going to back down until Severus admitted that he had lied.

“Poppy, please, I don’t have to go anymore!” Severus pleaded as he glanced warily between the seemingly completely serious mediwitch and the bathroom. The bathroom lacked a door due to safety reasons since the Safe Room was mostly used for suicidal or self-harming patients, and there was no way that Severus was going to take off his pants in front of Poppy.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Severus. I’m sure you still feel the need to relieve yourself. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” the mediwitch replied sternly, firmly nudging Severus forwards until he was standing directly in front of the toilet. “Do you need help taking off your sleeping pants?” she asked, reaching for his boxers.

Severus flushed and quickly swatted her hand away. “No! Okay! I-I wasn't telling you the truth before,” he finally relented. “I was actually trying to sneak out and go to my own quarters,” he admitted, chancing a glance at the intimidating mediwitch.  

Poppy let out a smirk. _Ah, and there’s the truth._ “Trying to escape? How unexpected,” she commented wryly. To be honest, Poppy was surprised that this was Severus’ only escape attempt during his two-week stay in the infirmary. It was well known that the young man hated staying in the hospital wing, and there had been multiple escape attempts over the years. The mediwitch had even put a special note in his medical file that read, “High Flight Risk,” so it wasn’t unusual that as soon as the monitoring charm had gone off, Poppy had already known that her wayward patient was attempting to escape back to his personal quarters, once again.

Severus expression turned indignant when he saw her smirk. “You knew and you still made me go through the whole pretending to need the bathroom scenario?” he practically whined.

Poppy shook her head with amusement. “Honestly Severus, you try to escape from the hospital wing every time you’re here. It wasn’t unexpected.”

“As if I’ve ever attempted such a daring exploit before,” Severus mumbled sulkily.

Poppy snorted. “Now, back to bed, young man. And don’t you DARE even think about leaving again, understood?” she demanded sternly.

Severus pouted. “Yes, Poppy.”

The mediwitch nodded in satisfaction and started to close the door. “Oh, and just so you know, Severus. You didn’t break the ward on the door, and you won’t be able to. So it’s pointless to try to again.”

Severus scowled, flopping back into his pillows with a huff. _Well, that certainly could have gone better._ Healers were so annoying.

* * *

Once Severus’ weight was stable and he was healthy enough to leave the hospital wing, Tom marched the young man straight to the dungeons, much to Severus’ reluctance. Although the potions master was normally thrilled to be released from the hospital wing, he knew perfectly well that his guardian hadn’t forgotten about the rules he’d broken.

As soon as they entered their quarters, Tom pointed to the corner where a chair faced the wall. “You are in time out for twenty minutes for vanishing your food and trying to hide your injuries from me with glamours. I want you to use this time to reflect on your actions over the past few days and think about why they were harmful to yourself. Please go sit in the corner with your face to the wall,” he ordered.

Severus glowered. “I am not a child, Tom. This punishment is for babies,” he spat. _There was no fucking way..._

“ _Now_ , Severus. I’m going to count to three again and you will not like the consequences if I reach three and you aren’t in that corner. One…”

Severus scowled, remembering what Tom had done the last time he’d failed to comply, and stalked over to the corner, trying to maintain some of his dignity. When he reached the corner, he dropped gracelessly into the chair and stared at the blank wall, feeling extremely stupid. Here he was, nineteen years old, and being punished with a time out in the corner. _Merlin, if the students saw me now. It’s bad enough that most of my colleagues know I have a guardian despite being an adult and a professor. My seventh-year students have more freedom than me!_ After ten minutes, he was already bored to death of staring at nothing. He could feel Tom’s eyes on him, and he chanced a subtle glance backwards.

“Face to the wall, Severus, or I'll add five more minutes,” Tom said sternly.

Severus sighed, turning back to the corner. What was he supposed to do again? Reflect? Well, he was annoyed and embarrassed that he had been given such a childish punishment, but he had broken the rules. And Tom’s rules were only meant to protect him, even though he absolutely did not need to be protected. His shoulders slumped. Maybe he was acting like an ungrateful brat. A burden. The young man stared at his lap, trying hard to hide his emotions behind his usual mask. He didn’t want Tom to see what a weakling he was. _Only weaklings cry, boy._ That’s what Father had always said.

Tom carefully observed his patient. He knew that consistency was very important for discipline and correcting behavior. For Severus, it was vital that he truly understand why he was being punished. The young man was used to accepting undeserved punishments from Tobias, so having Severus verbally acknowledge how his behavior was detrimental to his health would hopefully help him understand why Tom was disciplining him.

When the twenty minutes were over, Tom called his ward from the corner. “I’m sorry for vanishing my food and using glamours,” Severus mumbled, trying to surreptitiously wipe at a hidden tear.

Tom noticed his action and gave him a gentle pat on the back. “You are forgiven, child. We all make mistakes, and I know it’ll be a hard habit to break.” Noticing the slight apprehension in his ward’s eyes at what a grounding entailed, he paused, deciding to make sure Severus knew exactly what was going to happen next and why. “Severus, can you tell me why you think I have rules and consequences for you?”

Severus looked uncertain. “B-Because you care about me, and you want me to stop harming myself?” he answered hesitantly.

“Yes, I do care about you very much, Severus. And you are correct. The purpose of the consequences I give you are to deter future similar self-harming behaviors. They are an attempt to prevent repeat occurrences of your dangerous and harmful actions. I will also remind you of my oath that I will never abuse you, child. However, you have earned yourself a grounding which means that you will have a 10:00pm bedtime, and you must return to our quarters whenever you are not teaching or fulfilling other duties as a professor. Do you understand?” Tom asked, wanting to make sure his ward understood that he had nothing to fear besides restricted freedom. 

“Yes, sir,” Severus whispered.

“Okay. Then I think we need to have a little chat about why it is important to take care of yourself.”

Severus hesitated. “Tom, I know how to take care of myself…” He trailed off weakly, his last-ditch attempt at avoiding a lecture sounding lame, even to himself. When Tom merely raised an eyebrow in response, Severus’ cheeks reddened, and he slowly sat down.

"Thank you, Severus. Now, can you tell me why vanishing your food detrimental to your health?” Tom asked. 

“It’s detrimental to my health because now I’m getting lectured to death,” Severus muttered sarcastically.

“You really aren’t in a position to be giving me attitude, young man,” Tom said sternly, "unless you want to increase your grounding." 

“Sorry, sir," Severus grumbled. 

“Would you care to try and answer my question seriously this time?” Tom asked. 

After a silent glaring contest with his healer, Severus finally gave in. “Alright! Vanishing food is detrimental to my health because my body needs nutrients and protein to be healthy,” the young professor muttered. 

“Very good. It is important that you are healthy because your life matters and you will learn to value it,” Tom said. 

“I’m sorry,” Severus whispered.

“I hope you realize that a lot of people care about you, Severus, and we will not let you continue to self-destruct. You will not miss any meals in the future, and you will not try to vanish your food or you’ll find yourself back on the potions drip in the Safe Room faster than you can say, ‘I’m fine, Tom.’ Your life matters and you will respect it, understood?” Tom asked sternly. 

Severus nodded, blinking hard to prevent any tears from falling. For some ridiculous reason, he felt his eyes start to water from the stupid lecture. The care and love in Tom's voice was unexpected, and he wasn't used to someone actually disciplining him for not taking care of himself. Maybe Tom really did care? He stiffened when Tom brought him into an embrace, before guiltily leaning into it. Tobias had always told him that it was pathetic and weak to want physical comfort. He had been taught to take his punishments without crying and beaten extra for being a wimp if he did cry. Severus didn’t want Tom to think badly of him. As much as he was loathe to admit it, he respected Tom and didn’t want to disappoint him.

“It’s almost 10:00pm, so I think you should get some sleep soon. I’d like to see you in my office for a session after you do your nightly patrol tomorrow, okay?” Severus gave a small nod. “Why don’t you head upstairs now, and I’ll come sit with you for a little while,” Tom said.

“Tom, I don’t need to be cuddled. I’m a grown man,” Severus said stiffly. Oh, he definitely wanted to be tucked in, but he would never admit it. He was nineteen years old, for Merlin’s sake! He shouldn’t be needing to be cuddled and comforted. He should be taking his punishment like his father had trained him to: silently and stoically.

Tom laid his hand on his ward’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Perhaps not, but I’m going to anyway. I know that you have been given little affection and comfort for the majority of your life, and I’m going to help fill that gap. Now come along, I’ll tuck you in.”

After brushing his teeth and changing, Severus climbed into bed, watching with sleepy eyes as Tom tucked the covers around his shoulders. The healer withheld a chuckle as the young man happily snuggled into his blankets. 

“G’night, Tom,” Severus mumbled sleepily as he was tucked into bed.

“Sleep well, Severus,” Tom replied softly, settling into the armchair beside the bed. He flicked his wand, turning out the lights, then closed his own eyes.

A half hour later, he glanced over to check on his ward. Severus had already fallen asleep, worn out from the day. Tom smiled fondly at him as he quietly rose from the bedside chair. The healer leaned over and gently brushed the hair out of the young man’s face.

“Goodnight, Severus,” he whispered. Casting a monitoring charm to alert him if anything happened during the night, Tom left for his own room.

* * *

Severus thrashed around in his bed, trapped in the nightmare that he could never seem to escape from. He was back at Spinner’s End, and Father was angry.

_“BOY! Get down here, you ungrateful worthless burden!” Tobias roared._

_Twelve-year-old Severus winced from his room upstairs. Father was angry, and that meant a beating. Opening his door, he slowly started down the stairs._

_“Tobias, please,” Eileen pleaded. “He’s only a child-” The sound of a smack stopped her protests._

_Severus emerged from the stairs, his baggy, worn clothes hanging on his thin, starved frame. He kept his head bowed, knowing it only infuriated his father if he dared to look the man in the eye. “Yes, Father?” he asked quietly._

_“It’s about time you got down here, boy! Are you trying to make me mad?” Tobias bellowed, shaking the tiny boy’s shoulders._

_“No, Father. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting. I’m sorry,” Severus said, trying hard not to cry out as his father grabbed his shoulders hard enough to bruise. He could smell the alcohol on the man’s breath and knew that no matter what he said, he wouldn’t escape a beating._

_“You’re sorry?! I’ll show you sorry, you useless stupid freak! Take off your shirt!” Tobias shouted angrily._

_Severus didn’t even bother looking at his mother for help. He knew by now that despite having magic, the woman was too scared for her own life to protect her son from his father. Severus quickly took off his shirt and discarded it on the floor, not wanting to anger his father further by taking too long._

_“Hands against the wall!” Tobias barked, drunkenly unbuckling his belt._

_Severus silently obeyed and clenched his eyes shut, waiting for the first stroke. The belt hit his back with a vicious crack, and the child bit his lip, a silent tear sliding down his cheek as he tried his best to avoid crying out. Father hated it when he made noises and would beat him even harder if he cried._

_The belt landed again and again on his back, hitting him with enough force to leave plenty of new scars. Tears were pooling over his cheeks, and Severus couldn’t help the muffled sob that escaped him when the lashes didn’t stop after twenty._

_“Please, I’m sorry!” he begged, desperately trying to appease his enraged father. The next lash had him screaming out in pain as it sliced into his skin._

_“What have I told you about screaming? I’ll give you something real to scream about!” Tobias roared, bringing the belt down as hard as he could on the trembling boy’s back._

_“Please,” the child pleaded brokenly, meeting his mother’s pained gaze. Eileen looked away, and Severus felt hopeless tears streaming down his cheeks. He had been dealing with Tobias’ beating for over eight years now. He had learned a long time ago that help would never come._

_The leather strap kept lashing down against the young boy’s abused back, accompanied by Tobias bellowing more insults at his son. Severus thrashed against the wall and sobbed, trying to escape the belt as it continued coming down again and again on his bruised and welted skin._

_“Severus! Severus, wake up!”_

Severus jolted out his nightmare with a gasp. It was dark, and he was being held down. He panicked, pushing with all his might against the heavy restraints.

“Severus, Severus, it’s okay! It’s just Tom. You were hurting yourself while you were sleeping, so I was holding your arms down.”

Severus was released, and the room suddenly filled with dim lighting. He was drenched in sweat, and his cheeks were wet with tears. Severus’ head jerked up to meet the concerned eyes of his guardian.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please don’t punish me!” he whimpered. The man would be furious that he’d had a nightmare and dared to disturb him with his screams.

“Calm down, Severus. I’m not going to punish you. You’re at Hogwarts now. Your father can’t hurt you any longer,” Tom said soothingly.

“Please, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you up! I forgot to put up silencing charms. It’ll never happen again. Please don’t beat me!” Severus blabbered frantically.

Tom quickly pulled the distraught young man into his lap and enveloped him into a hug, sending calming magic into his body at the same time. After a few minutes, Severus’ frantic breathing had calmed and he’d stopped trembling. “Are you feeling better now?” Tom asked gently.

Severus nodded, burying his head into Tom’s shoulder. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“I don’t want you to apologize, Severus. You did nothing wrong. I will never get mad at you for waking me up if you have a nightmare or need something. I also don’t want you to put up silencing charms. I am here for you, child, and I want to know if something is wrong. Do you understand?” the healer asked.

“Okay,” Severus mumbled.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” Severus quickly shook his head. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it just a little bit? It might help you feel better,” Tom coaxed. There was silence for a minute, then Severus took a shaky breath.

“F-Father was beating me with the belt for being a worthless freak. He wouldn’t stop. And mum didn’t do anything to stop him. She just stood there and watched him beat me,” Severus mumbled, hiding his face in Tom’s pajamas.

“Oh child, I’m so sorry you had to go through that abuse. I hope you know that your father was wrong and that you are not a worthless freak. No matter what, your father should have never beaten you. No one deserves to be abused. Do you understand that, child?” Tom murmured into his ear. Severus nodded shakily. “Your mum should've protected you better, Severus, but sometimes people aren’t always able to do what they should. Eileen had been oppressed and conditioned by her husband for so many years that she didn’t even know how to stand up to him by the time you came along. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t love you. And now you have lots of people who care about you. You have me, Albus, Minerva, Filius, and Pomona,” Tom explained, rubbing his ward’s back soothingly.

Severus nodded acceptingly and snuggled closer to Tom, giving a tired yawn. He was surprised at how much lighter he felt. Even sharing that little bit of his nightmare with Tom had helped. Maybe talking about his past wasn’t so stupid after all.

“Why don’t I help you out of those pajamas and then you can go back to sleep,” Tom suggested. Severus gave a tired nod of consent, and the healer waved his wand, replacing the young man’s sweat-soaked pajamas with fresh clean ones.

“C-Could you stay with me until I fall asleep?” Severus asked in the smallest voice Tom had ever heard. Before he could say anything though, Severus’ face turned bright red and he quickly took back his request. “Never mind, you’ve already wasted enough time on me, you don’t have to do anything,” he said in a rush as he tried to get as far away from his guardian as possible. He was adult after all. He shouldn’t need anyone to stay with him until he fell asleep.

Tom quickly tugged Severus back onto the bed, causing his ward to yelp in surprise. “Of course, I will stay with you, child,” he said, tucking the covers around the young man before settling himself on the bed and gently carding his fingers through Severus’ hair. “And I have not wasted any time on you, young man. I enjoy every minute I spend with you, even if you are being difficult,” Tom said teasingly.

Severus smiled sleepily, his eyes starting to close as exhaustion overtook him. Tom smiled fondly at the young man, noxing the lights with a flick of his wand. “I’ll stay with you for as long as you need me, my child,” he whispered, planting a kiss on the young man’s forehead. “You’ll never have to be alone again.” 


	7. Chapter Seven

“Everyone, get out!” a voice bellowed.

Hearing the shout, Minerva paused in her stroll, watching as a stream of students practically sprinted out of the potions classroom. As soon as the last student had fled, she cautiously made her way into the classroom.

“Oh, Severus,” Minerva said sadly. The classroom was in disarray, and potion gunk was splattered around the room. Vanishing the mess with her wand, she slowly approached the young man who was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. “Are you alright, Severus?”

The young man gave a barely noticeable nod, and Minerva reached out and took his chin, tilting his face towards her. Minerva pursed her lips when she saw the self-loathing and despair on her young colleague’s face. “I’m taking you to Albus, child.”

Severus didn’t respond, silently allowing Minerva to guide him to the floo and call out their destination. The potions professor stumbled as he entered the headmaster’s office. Albus was up from his desk in a flash, guiding him to a chair.

The older wizard was concerned. Severus was one of those people who never even collected a speck of soot on his robes while flooing; he had certainly never stumbled coming out of the floo before. A minute later, Minerva stepped out of the fireplace and shared a worried look with Albus.

“Child, what’s wrong?” Albus asked gently, kneeling before the young professor with concern. Severus merely lowered his head, refusing to answer.

“There was a potions explosion, Albus. It didn't look like any of it hit him, but maybe we should call Poppy here, just in case,” Minerva said.

“Severus? Were you hit by the potion?”

Severus shook his head the tiniest bit, his eyes still closed and his head hanging downwards.

“Can you tell us what’s wrong?”

There was no response. The young man always had a sarcastic retort or response, so the boy’s almost catatonic state was very concerning. Albus’ brow crinkled worriedly, and he moved over to the floo. He needed backup from Tom. Throwing powder into the flames, he called out, “St. Mungo’s!”

As if a switch had been suddenly flipped on, Severus’ head jerked upwards, and he leapt from his chair. “No! You promised, Albus! You promised!” he shouted, his eyes wild.

Albus stared at him in confusion. “Child, what is wrong? What did I promise? No one is going to hurt you,” he said reassuringly. The floo flashed behind him as a face appeared. “Connect me with the psychiatric ward, please,” he muttered before turning back to Severus.

Severus heard what Albus had said and instinctively drew his wand. “No, Albus, please! You promised you wouldn’t send me to St. Mungo’s!” he begged.

Understanding flashed in Albus’ eyes. “Severus, calm down. I’m not sending you away to St. Mun-” he began reassuringly.

“You’re lying! You’ve already given up on me, haven’t you? I failed you, and now you’re going to send me away forever,” he choked out, too distraught to hear Albus’ words.

“No, Severus-”

“Please, I don’t want to leave. I’ll do better. I promise! Just give me another chance! I-I won't take away points from Gryffindor! I'll be a better professor! I’ll never argue with you again! Please don’t send me away,” Severus pleaded desperately, his magic becoming unstable in his emotional state. Sparks started flying dangerously from his wand, and objects began rattling.

“Severus, calm down. We’re not sending you away. Tom will be here soon,” Albus tried, alarmed at the release of magic. The young man had always had impeccable control over his magic, even when upset.

Severus shook his head frantically. Albus was lying. He knew it. He tried to step back, only to collide with Minerva. He was quickly pulled backwards onto her lap, and strong arms were wrapped around his waist, securing him in place. His wand was wrested from his grasp, leaving him defenseless. “No,” Severus whimpered, tears starting to fall from his eyes. “No, please, Minerva! Don’t let him send me away. I don’t want to be locked up there! Please! I don’t want to be locked up all alone!” the young man cried frantically.

“Shhh… no one is sending you away, Severus,” Minerva soothed, rubbing his back in comforting motions.

Severus shook his head in denial. “H-He’s going to s-ship me away for f-failing him. I-I wasn’t good enough. F-Father always said I should be l-locked up f-forever as a punishment for being so weak and uselessness,” Severus sobbed, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

“Oh, child. Your father was completely wrong, and it was horrible of him to say those things. You’re not any of those things. You're strong and you're not a failure,” Minerva said, trying to hide the fury she felt towards Tobias Snape. If the man wasn't already dead, she certainly would have made him wish he was.

Severus continued crying hysterically, and Albus and Minerva shared a hopeless look. Nothing they said seemed to get through to the child. Both sighed in relief when the floo went off and Tom finally appeared. The healer quickly knelt down in front of his patient and took his hands, sending calming magic into the distraught boy. After a few minutes, Severus’ breathing had steadied.

“Can you look at me, Severus?” Tom asked gently.

Severus slowly lifted his head from Minerva’s shoulder and turned to look at his healer with teary eyes.

“That's a good boy. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Severus mumbled, turning to hide his face in Minerva’s robes again.

“Well you certainly seem to be a bit upset for some reason. Did something happen in one of your classes?” Tom coaxed.

“Potion exploded in class today,” Severus said in a muffled voice, his head still pressed into Minerva’s shoulder.

Severus was acting quite a bit younger than his age, but that wasn't too surprising. Abused young people often switched between childish behavior and overly mature behavior depending on the situation. Tom also knew from experience that in vulnerable situations, abused children would usually act either extremely defensive or hopelessly resigned to whatever their fate was. Luckily for him, the child didn't seem to be in one of his famous moods.

“Were you mad at the student who caused the explosion?” Tom asked, gently guiding the boy to face him again.

Severus shook his head, his eyes fixed on his clenched hands. “Was my fault.”

“How was it your fault?”

“Should've noticed sooner and stopped it. So useless. Pathetic. Weak,” Severus mumbled to himself, digging his nails into his palms.

Tom firmly took his hands in his own. “No, Severus. Do not harm yourself. You are not useless, pathetic, or weak.”

“Yes, I am. I'm a useless freak. That’s why Albus wants to send me away. It'll be better for everyone if I'm locked up,” the young man said sadly.

“No, Severus. Look at me, please.” He waited until the young man had looked up before reaching out and taking hold of his chin. “Listen to me carefully. No one is sending you away and locking you up. Do you understand?” Tom asked sincerely. Severus tried to turn his head away, but Tom kept a firm grip on his chin. “Do you understand, Severus?” Tom repeated, sending a strong burst of calming magic into his ward.

Severus blinked hard as the healer’s magic slowly brought him out of his hysterical state. He took a shaky breath and slowly nodded. “Yes, sir.” Tom released him and he ducked his head, embarrassed at his irrational behavior now that he could think clearly. “Sorry, I was being stupid,” he mumbled, cheeks flushed as he tried to get off of Minerva’s lap.

“No, Severus, you were not being stupid. It is perfectly natural to have insecurities,” Minerva said, tightening her hold around the young man. She smiled when he finally gave in and slouched against her with a yawn.

“Why don't you take a rest for a little while, Severus,” Tom suggested. Emotions always took a lot out of the young man, and he was usually sleepy after an emotional session.

“You can use my guest bedroom, and then we can talk some more once you wake up,” Albus added.

Severus glared half-heartedly at them, his eyes already starting to droop. “I don't need a nap,” he mumbled indignantly.

“Of course not, my boy,” Albus said indulgently.

Severus protested weakly as Minerva cast a featherweight charm on him and carried him into the spare bedroom. Before they could even tuck him in, Severus was fast asleep.

* * *

It was a Saturday afternoon, and lunch had just finished. After barely managing to choke down a piece of toast and jam, much to the concern of his colleagues, Severus had returned to his quarters to brew. But of course, before he could reach his wonderful lab, Tom had stopped him and told him they needed to talk first. So here he was, sitting in his favorite reading chair, waiting for his meddlesome healer to start lecturing him about his eating habits.

“Severus, I’d like you to start taking an appetite stimulant before every meal,” Tom began.

Severus sneered. “I do not need an appetite stimulant, Tom.”

Tom raised an eyebrow. “No? Was there a reason that you only ate a small piece of bread for breakfast, then?”

Severus scowled but didn’t reply. There was no denying that he hadn’t been hungry. Only due to Tom’s insistent pestering had he forced himself to eat any breakfast at all.

“I would also like you to take a nutrient potion with every meal until you can finish a whole plate by yourself,” Tom added. “I know we discussed it earlier, but I’m going to start enforcing it, since you haven’t been taking it on your own.”

“No. I don’t need it!” Severus snarled.

“I’m afraid this is non-negotiable. You are still severely underweight, and these potions will help you eat more until you reach a healthy weight,” Tom said. His voice was still calm, but it held a hint of steel.

“No. I refuse to take them,” Severus growled. Who did the man think he was? He was not some child to be ordered about!

“You will take them. Or I shall confine you to the Safe Room with a potions drip. This is not up for discussion, Severus,” Tom replied flatly. He calmly met the young man’s scowling, bitter eyes before they dropped down. “I know this is hard for you, Severus, but I’m only doing it because I care about your well-being,” the healer continued, his tone softer. “I will put in an order with St. Mungo’s, and Albus and I will handle your potions to make sure you don’t forget to take them.”

Severus pouted childishly. “I can handle it. And I don’t like taking potions that aren’t made by myself,” he replied stubbornly, trying to maintain just a hint of control over his life.

“How about we make a deal then. Albus and I will remain in charge of making sure you take your potions with each meal, but I will let you brew them yourself unless I notice that the extra brewing is becoming too much for you to handle. In that case, I will order a shipment from St. Mungo’s in order to give you a break. Is that acceptable?”

Severus sighed and reluctantly nodded. He was perfectly capable of handling his own potions, but at least he would be able to brew his own. “I should go brew a few batches now, if you want me to have both potions with every meal,” the young man mumbled, rising from the couch and heading towards his potions lab. A gentle hand on his arm stopped him, and Severus looked back questioningly.  

“I’m proud of you, Severus,” Tom said, giving him a small smile. Severus blushed and quickly escaped from the healer’s grip and into his lab. Tom chuckled, shaking his head as he watched the young man disappear through the door.

A few hours later, Tom knocked on the door to the potions lab and stuck his head in. Severus had finished decanting the two potions he’d requested and was now working on a different potion, most likely an experimental one.

“Severus, it’s time for dinner. Please stop what you’re working on and come eat,” Tom said. Severus’ only response was a small growl and a scathing glare that would have made even the bravest seventh-year Gryffindor cry. Tom rolled his eyes at the young man’s dramatics. “Yes, yes, I know. You are the meanest, strictest, and most feared professor there has ever been at Hogwarts. I also know that you need your strength in order to keep terrifying your poor students, and for that you need to eat,” Tom said patiently.

“I’m busy now, Tom. I’m nowhere near close to creating a potion for the next publication of _Potions from the Newest Masters_ , and if I don’t meet that deadline, then I’ll lose everything I worked for with my Mastery! This is more important than eating!” Severus snapped.

Tom inwardly sighed. He knew from colleagues at St. Mungo’s how important that publication was for every new potions master. After gaining a mastery in the subject, any potions master who wanted to stay prominent in the field had to create a potion that was accepted into _Potions from the Newest Masters_ , one of the most prestigious journals in the field, within a year. Severus was the youngest potions master of the century, and he was likely feeling an enormous amount of pressure to live up to his reputation as a potions prodigy. However, that did not mean he could neglect his health in favor of brewing.

“I am well aware of how important that publication is, Severus. However, you are not skipping meals to brew,” Tom said sternly. Severus rolled his eyes and added another ingredient, scribbling in his potions journal when it bubbled and turned green. Tom frowned. “Severus, now.”

Severus let out another small growl, but hearing the clear warning in his guardian’s voice, waved his wand, putting a stasis charm on his potion until he could return.

“Thank you, Severus. Now, why don’t you take a dose of each of those potions before dinner,” Tom said. Severus grumbled under his breath but knowing that he couldn’t get away with vanishing the potions while his healer was watching, reluctantly gulped them down, grimacing at the taste. “Good. Now, if you could take the batch of appetite stimulants, I will take the nutrient potions, and we can floo to Albus’ office and drop them off there, since it’s much closer to the Great Hall than the dungeons are,” the healer continued.

Severus huffed in annoyance but resignedly picked up the container of appetite stimulants. Following his healer into the floo, he disappeared in the flames.  

* * *

“Ah, Severus, Tom! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Albus asked, smiling as the two wizards stepped out of the floo.

“Tom’s making me take appetite stimulant and nutrient potions with every meal, but I’m not allowed to monitor them myself,” Severus muttered bitterly.

“We made a deal, Albus. Severus needs to take both potions in order to remain healthy, so I said I would allow him to brew his own potions as long as we monitored them,” Tom explained.

“Ah, I see. Well, I am happy to help you remember your potions, my boy,” the headmaster responded with a smile.

“I don’t need help remembering!” the potions master retorted.

“I think you could use someone to make sure you don’t accidentally “forget,” to take them, like Poppy tells me you have in the past,” Tom said shrewdly.

Severus rolled his eyes. “I already took both potions before dinner.”

“Yes, because I reminded you and watched as you swallowed them,” Tom replied with amusement. Severus sneered halfheartedly at him, huffing in annoyance.

“Well, gentlemen, it is about time for dinner. Would you care to accompany me to the Great Hall?” Albus asked, rising from the chair behind his desk.

Severus looked away. “I don’t want to eat.” The appetite stimulant would kick in within a few minutes, but the thought of food still made him nauseous.

Tom shook his head. “Eating is not optional, Severus.” The young man merely glared at him. “Severus. Dinner. Now.”

“You can’t fucking make me eat, Tom,” Severus sneered.

Tom looked at him sternly. "Language, young man. I’d hoped that you wouldn’t need a reminder of what happens when you skip a meal."

Severus opened his mouth to argue, but Tom gave his behind a swat that was more than kind, eliciting a yelp from the young man. “Enough, Severus. You know you have to eat in order to stay healthy.”  

“Bloody bastard,” Severus muttered under his breath. He spluttered in shock and scrunched up his face in disgust as the bitter taste of soap flooded his mouth.

“One minute, Severus,” Tom said. “I warned you about your language.”

Severus made a disgusted face. He hated the soap spell. It tasted foul, although not as bad as the sludge potion, and always left his mouth tasting like soap, no matter how much he rinsed afterwards.

When the minute was up, Tom flicked his wand, ending the spell. “Will you come to dinner now without a fuss?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Severus’ shoulders sagged in resignation. “Yes, sir.”

* * *

Once seated at dinner, Severus reluctantly placed a slice of chicken and some potatoes on his plate. He sent a glare at Tom, only to pout when he saw the warning look his healer was giving him. Sighing, Severus looked down at his meal and slowly began to feed himself.

Patting Severus on the arm, Tom gave a small nod of approval. “Good job, Severus.”

“So, Severus, how is your potions project coming along?” Albus asked, spooning some vegetables onto the young man’s plate.

Severus ignored the vegetables. “It’s going slowly. I need more time to brew, but teaching the dunderheads doesn’t leave me much time,” he replied. He studied his plate and smirked. He could hide the Brussels sprouts under his potato jacket.

“Yes, well, teaching does take time, my boy, but I’m sure you’ll meet the potions journal deadline,” Albus said as he replaced the hidden Brussels sprouts with more.

Severus scowled at the new pile of vegetables on his plate. “I hope you’re right, Albus, because if I don’t come up with a submission in time, I might as well give up my potions mastery and take up Cornish pixie collecting,” he replied deadpan.

“I am sure that you will not be forced to become a Cornish pixie collector, my boy.” The headmaster paused and chuckled. “Those Brussels sprouts aren’t going to eat themselves, Severus.”

Severus scowled again. He despised Brussels sprouts. Picking up his fork and knife, he started chopping them up into tiny pieces. Maybe he could get away with it if they weren’t as noticeable.

“Severus, cutting your food up into tiny pieces and spreading them around your plate is not the same as eating it,” Tom said sternly.  

Severus pouted. “I hate Brussels sprouts.”

“Fine, then don’t eat them. But you should eat some type of vegetable,” his guardian said. The young professor sighed, but obediently scooped some broccoli onto his plate.

“So, Severus, tell me about the potion that you’re working on for your entry,” Minerva said.

Severus excitedly started to explain his potion. Finally, someone wanted to talk about something other than his emotions! “Well, I’m trying to find a cure for exitiale languorem. I’ve been experimenting with frog spleen and mandrake leaves, but so far it hasn’t had any positive results yet. I’m thinking next time I’ll try combining some spider legs in the second phase once it’s boiled into a slime consistency,” he said happily, glancing up at Minerva who had turned rather green.

“On second thought, why don’t we talk about something else during dinner,” the transfiguration professor said weakly. “How about the weather lately?”

Severus smirked as the rest of the professors laughed. Some people just didn’t appreciate the beauty of potions.

* * *

Severus had just finished his hall patrol and was unhappily heading back towards his quarters. It was time for a therapy session with Tom, and the potions master was not looking forward to it. He couldn’t believe he’d been so clingy and childish during the past few days! He’d even sat in Minerva’s lap, for Merlin’s sake! But that was over now. He was done being weak and vulnerable.

As soon as Severus reached his quarters, he stormed upstairs and into Tom’s office, throwing the door open. “I don’t need to be here. I don’t need your help, and I don’t want to talk about anything,” he stated angrily.

Tom raised an eyebrow at his ward’s attitude. It was defensive and angry, but not unexpected. Coaxing Severus to open up had been hard enough when the boy was a stubborn sixteen-year-old, and it would be even harder now that the young adult had built up so many masks to hide behind. “Please sit down, Severus,” he said calmly, but firmly.

Severus huffed and plopped sulkily into the armchair across from Tom’s desk. He was absolutely fine. He did not need to or want to talk to the meddlesome healer. Everything was perfectly under control.

“First of all, I’d like to remind you of a few guidelines for our sessions. As you know, we are going to be speaking about a lot of uncomfortable topics. Please remember that you are not allowed to leave these sessions until you are dismissed. Consider this your warning. That rule is very important to me because running from your problems will not help you heal. If I ask you a question that you don’t feel comfortable answering, just tell me that you don’t want to talk about it. Please do not try to lie to me. I may try to convince you to talk about it because you can’t avoid your problems forever, but I will not force you to talk about something if you don’t feel ready. Do you have any questions or concerns?” Tom asked, standing up from behind his desk and conjuring a chair closer to Severus.

Severus merely glared at Tom, crossing his arms defiantly. This was an absolute waste of his time. He didn’t need to be here. He didn’t want help or need it. His eating habits and self-harm were his business and his alone. It helped, and that's all that mattered. Unconsciously, he started to dig his nails into his forearms. He needed the pain, deserved it.

Tom heard a soft tinkling sound in his ears, and his eyes narrowed at his patient. “Severus, stop harming yourself,” he said sternly. The boy only glared harder, digging his nails deeper into his skin. The volume of the monitoring charm increased, and Tom sighed. “Severus, hands on your knees,” he ordered firmly. The young man didn’t reply, his nails still digging into his skin and his eyes glaring off into the distance. Tom slowly knelt in front of his patient, trying not to startle the child, and gently pried his fingers away from his forearms.

Severus flinched at the contact and jerked his hands out of the healer’s grasp. “Let me go,” he hissed, glaring daggers at Tom.

“No, Severus. Harming yourself will not get you out of this discussion. In fact, it’s one of the very reasons why we are having this session,” Tom replied calmly.

Severus scowled, watching Tom warily as he crossed his arms again. He didn’t want to discuss his self-harm with the meddlesome healer. There was nothing to discuss. He needed it. End of story. His nails started to dig into his skin again as he became more and more agitated.

“Severus, hands on your knees,” Tom ordered, a clear warning in his voice. The young man slowly unclenched his fingers but did not lower his arms. “Severus, hands on your knees, please. So that you shall not be tempted to further harm yourself.” His tone was soft and calm, but it was still authoritative and stern.

Severus glowered at his healer but slowly obeyed, lowering his arms and placing his hands on his knees. He felt stupid, like a little child who’d been caught being naughty.

“Thank you, Severus. Can you tell me why you felt the need to hurt yourself just now?” Severus stayed silent and stared at the floor. “Is it because you are uncomfortable discussing why you self-harm in general?” Tom prompted, hoping to get the young man to start talking.

Tom inwardly sighed when Severus nodded stiffly but didn’t say anything. He could tell that the young man was trying to suppress all of his emotions by keeping them inside, and self-harm seemed to be his outlet whenever it became too much. However, it didn’t matter as much if Tom knew that, because Severus was the one who needed to sort through his emotions in order to understand what was triggering his self-harm.

“Okay, if you don’t want to talk about why you self-harm, can you explain how you feel after you’ve hurt yourself? If we can figure out what kind of relief you feel after cutting, maybe we can find a healthier alternative that can produce the same results,” Tom suggested.

Severus was inwardly panicking. _No! No! No! I_ need _to cut. He doesn’t understand. A substitute won’t work. I-I need the pain! I deserve it! He can’t make me stop. I won’t let him!_ Unconsciously, Severus clenched his fists, cutting his nails into the soft flesh of his palm. His mind was racing in alarm, and in his stupor, it didn’t even register when Tom asked him to place his hands palm up and flat. _I-I can’t let him stop me. I need to cut. I-I need it!_ Severus suddenly flew to his feet and bolted out the door. He needed the pain of cutting. And he needed it _now_.

* * *

Albus was patrolling the halls when the sound of running footsteps caught his attention. Spotting his potions professor, he quickly intercepted the young man’s path and firmly took his arm. "Ah, Severus. Aren't you supposed to be in a therapy session with Tom?" Albus asked knowingly, flicking his wand to send Tom a patronus to let him know where his errant ward was. He had talked with Tom just a few hours before, so Severus had most likely bolted from the healer. Severus didn't answer, only squirming to escape Albus’ grasp. "I think we'd better head back there and make sure Tom isn't worried about your whereabouts.”

Severus internally groaned. “You're not my guardian, Albus,” he muttered, strategically ceasing his struggling. As soon as he felt the headmaster’s grip loosen, he tried to run, hoping to escape and hide, only to be jerked back by his arm. _Damn._

“Don’t try to run away from me, Severus,” Albus scolded.

Severus sighed, giving up on his plot to escape. His immediate urge to self-harm had faded after running halfway across the castle, and now it only lingered in the background like usual. He turned his attention back to the headmaster when the man continued speaking.

“Now, I may not be your legal guardian, but I do think of you as a son, child. I care about you very much, and Tom and I will be working closely together to discipline you and make sure you're taking proper care of yourself.”

At the mention of Tom and discipline, Severus groaned out loud. _Ah fuck. I just ran out on Tom in the middle of a session. After a warning. Damn._ Severus bit his lip, reluctantly letting the headmaster pull him along back towards his quarters. He had broken a rule, and although he was not looking forward to his upcoming punishment, at least he knew what to expect. Knowing the rules and consequences ahead of time actually helped him feel safe instead of scared because he didn't have to worry about randomly being beaten for no reason. Still, he obviously didn't like being punished, and with both Albus and Tom on his case, it was going to be very hard to get away with anything.

However, he couldn't deny the warm feeling in his chest when Albus said he saw him as a son. No one had ever wanted _him_ before. Tobias had made that very clear with the buckle of his belt, and his mother had never shown him love or stopped his beatings due to her own fear of Tobias. But now he had Albus, and even Tom had started treating him like a son after they had been bonded! Severus’ shoulders slumped in shame when he realized he’d probably disappointed the man. He greatly respected his guardian, even if he was a meddlesome healer, and he wanted Tom to be proud of him. It was just so hard for him to open up! He’d hid behind masks and coped by self-harming for years, and breaking those habits felt impossible sometimes.

Albus kept a firm hand on Severus’s arm, guiding him back to the open door of his quarters where a stern looking healer was waiting. Albus refrained from smiling as Severus shuffled his feet, avoiding the gaze of his guardian. He looked like a child who knew he’d been naughty and was about to be scolded. “I must get back to my rounds. Goodnight, Severus, Tom.”

“Goodnight, Albus. Thank you for bringing my ward back,” Tom replied, closing the door and looking disapprovingly at the fidgeting young man in front of him. “Severus, you know you broke the rule about running from me during your therapy sessions. Because this is the first time you’ve run from a session, the consequence is a loss of a privilege. You’ve earned yourself two days of early bedtimes with the lights out by midnight instead of 2am.”

Severus sulked but didn’t complain. An early bedtime meant that he would have less time to brew, and that meant he would have to find time during his busy day. Normally, he’d just take a Pepper-Up and stay up until 5am brewing, then get a few hours of sleep before teaching again, but Tom obviously wasn’t going to let him do that.

“Now,” Tom continued. “I am also going to suggest another coping mechanism to use along with the meditation we discussed previously.” The healer reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a green and silver journal. “I’d like you to write in this journal every night this week before bed. Would you be willing to use it?” the healer asked.

“I’ll try,” Severus mumbled, reaching out and taking the journal from the man.

“Thank you. We can discuss additional ways of coping if you end up not liking the journal,” Tom replied kindly. “How about you write an entry in it now?”

Severus uncertainly opened the journal and stared at the blank page. “What am I supposed to write about?”

“Just write about whatever comes to mind. Write about anything that is bothering you, or something that you want to get off your chest,” Tom said.

Severus nodded, dipping his quill in the inkpot.

_Dear Journal,_

_I still am not quite sure what to write in this. Tom said I just should use it to talk about things that are bothering me, so basically my emotions. I don’t know how this will help, but I said I’d give it a try. Tom has actually been rather decent so far. Much better than Father ever was. All he did was beat me and tell me how worthless and useless I was. And then he would.... well, you know. I don’t want to write about it yet. Only Lily ever suspected what Father did to me. Probably because I started flinching a lot more whenever she tried to hug me. Lily was such a good friend - basically my sister in everything but blood. She forgave me even after I messed up and called her that word. If I had just been smarter and tried harder, maybe I could have found the cure and saved her._

_I know it was my fault that she died. That’s why I’m trying to create a cure for exitiale languorem, so that no one else has to die because of it. I’m already guilty of murder for failing to save Lily, but maybe I can try to redeem myself by saving someone else._

Severus paused, embarrassed to notice that tears had started falling. He glanced at Tom, hoping that the man hadn’t noticed.

“It’s okay to cry, Severus. Let it out,” Tom said softly.

Severus shook his head, swiping furiously at the silent tears that streamed down his cheek as he fought to control them. He would not cry! He was not a weakling! He was a Snape, and anyone with the last name Snape did not cry! His father had taught him that lesson many times.

Tom gently took his hand, preventing him from wiping his tears. “It's okay to cry, Severus,” he said soothingly.

“F-Father said only w-weaklings cry,” Severus stuttered tearfully.

“Your father was wrong, Severus. Crying does not make you weak. It is nothing to be ashamed of, child,” Tom murmured softly, rubbing his hand soothingly on the young man’s back. If anything, that only seemed to make the tears fall faster. It was clear that Severus had rarely had anyone comfort him before when he was upset.

“I’m sorry! I’m such a disappointment! I keep messing up and failing you. I swear I’m trying, I just can’t-” Severus choked out.

Tom wrapped his other arm around the young man and hugged him tightly to his chest. “You are not a disappointment, and you are not failing me. The only thing I want is to help you heal, and I don’t care how long it takes. I understand that it is extremely hard to break unhealthy habits, and I expect you to mess up and need my help and correction. You just have to allow me to help you heal, child,” Tom responded softly.

Severus nodded tearfully into his guardian’s chest. “Please don’t send me away to St. Mungo’s,” he whispered fearfully.

“Never, Severus. We’re in this together, and I will always be here for you as your guardian. Shh, it’s alright, child,” Tom whispered soothingly as Severus’ tears started up again.

No one had ever comforted him like this before. No one had ever cared for him like this before. And no one had ever promised to be there for him for life. Severus took in shaky breaths as he started to calm down. He owed Tom an explanation after all the man had done for him. “I-- No one has ever taken care of me before. My mother was too frightened and my father was an abusive bastard. No one ever bothered to make sure I was okay, and no one stood up to the bullies for me except for Lily,” he explained shakily.

“Is that why you started self-harming, Severus?” Tom asked gently, rubbing the young man’s back in soothing motions.

Severus wiped the tears from his eyes and gave a small nod. “I-I started to self-harm a few years before I came to Hogwarts. Cutting became my refuge. Something my father couldn’t control. I relished in that knowledge. It soon became my regular coping mechanism every time I was beaten. I couldn’t control my beatings, but I could control the blade on my skin,” he finished quietly.

“And is it still about control? The reason why you self-harm?” Tom asked.

The young man hesitated and then shook his head, moving to sit across from Tom. “Not completely. After my mother killed herself, the beatings got worse. My father blamed me and took it out on me. My cutting increased as I fought for some semblance of control and relief from my father’s belt, but I also started cutting to punish myself for being too weak to stand up to my father.”

“You know that you are not to blame for your father’s abuse, right, Severus?”

“Yes, I understand that now. It is mostly what we talked about when I worked with you after my first… attempt at ending my life,” Severus replied quietly.

“Did you continue self-harming after you came of age and our sessions stopped?” Tom asked curiously.

“It-it got better for a little while. I made up with Lily before seventh year ended. And then as soon as I left Hogwarts, I threw myself into my potions apprenticeship and worked tirelessly to achieve my mastery. I tried to ignore my past and focus solely on potions. There were a few instances, and I wasn’t eating much, but I was mostly okay…” Severus trailed off.

“And after that, why did you start cutting again? Is it related to why you’re also not eating enough?” Tom asked.

Severus closed his eyes in pain. “Lily became terminally ill and…I-I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“That’s okay, Severus. We can talk about it later when you’re ready. Thank you for sharing as much as you did. I’m very proud of you.” Severus flushed at the praise and looked down.

Glancing at the tearful child, the healer nodded to himself. It was a long shot, but he slowly opened his arm with a warm smile. Severus might have fooled most of the students with his formidable exterior, but the young man was still in need of love and comfort.

Severus hesitated for a moment before taking a cautious step forward. That was all the encouragement Tom needed, and he gently brought his arms around the young man and pulled him into a hug. Severus tensed for a moment before slowly relaxing in the embrace. He was gradually learning just how comforting and healing a hug could be after a difficult day.

Tom smiled widely when the young man relaxed in his arms. Their work was far from over, but it was progress.


	8. Chapter Eight

Severus shoved the third years’ potions essays out of his sight, groaning as he did. His head was aching from the challenge of deciphering the messy scrawl of the students’ writing. Honestly, Minerva needed to implement mandatory first-year quill writing classes, if only to save his eyesight. Giving up on grading for the moment, Severus stood up and stretched. Perhaps a visit to the library to do more research on his experimental potion would improve his mood.

Upon entering the library, Severus nodded politely to Irma Pince. “Good afternoon, Irma.” The librarian was famous for being fiercely protective of her books, and many of the students were acquainted with her temper when it came to mishandling books. Irma had always been kind to him though, especially after she’d realized that he often sought solace from bullies and pranks in the library. That, and he loved to read and research.

“Good afternoon, Severus. Remember to be careful with the Higgins potions book if you end up using it. Its bind is rather fragile at the moment,” Irma reminded him.

“Of course, Madam. Thank you,” Severus replied, moving into the stacks near the back of the library. He absently browsed through the shelves, flipping through pages and scanning for anything related to his experimental potion, particularly books describing the properties of Ashwinder eggs when combined with frog spleen.

Finding nothing on the first few shelves, Severus let out a frustrated sigh and moved to another row. He was just about to look through another book when the gold lettering on the spine of a dusty tome caught his attention. _The Magic of Monitoring Charms._ Severus felt a thrill of excitement race through him as he picked it up. Glancing subtly around him to make sure no one was watching, he opened to the table of contents. There it was! _Chapter 5: Types of Monitoring Charms and How to Remove Them._ The potions professor quickly flipped to the corresponding section, eagerly skimming the paragraphs.

From what the book said, it appeared that Tom had placed a monitoring charm that was secured by a ward. There were many other types of monitoring charms, including one that tied itself to a witch or wizard’s magical signature and was only removable by the caster, but Severus didn’t think that was the type Tom had used on him. Monitoring charms tied to a magical signature would pull on the caster’s magical core if the recipient was in trouble, but Tom only seemed to have an aural alert set to go off when he self-harmed.

Luckily for Severus, that meant he would only have to dismantle the ward in order to remove the monitoring charm. Taking out his wand, Severus muttered, “Geminio,” and a copy of the page containing the incantation for reversing the charm appeared. Casting tempus, the professor noted that he still had an hour left before he had to teach his seventh year NEWT class. Deciding to try and figure out the spell, he left the library and went to find a nearby empty classroom.

Severus slipped into a study hall room, closing the door behind him with a simple locking charm. There would be no reason why students should be passing through at this time, unless they were skipping class, in which case he’d happily give them detention. Looking down at the paper, he silently mimicked the movements for the spell that would remove the ward. “Flick the wrist to the left and then diagonally upwards, completing the spell by pointing one’s wand at the person on whom the ward is placed,” Severus muttered, practicing the wand movements. “Transvecto tutela!” he commanded, adding the incantation to the movements. Nothing happened. Severus frowned, glancing at the page again. It looked like he was doing everything correctly. The movements were right and the fluctuation of the incantation was also correct. Maybe Tom had added another element to the monitoring charm that he hadn’t noticed? None of the other types of monitoring charms had described additional magical elements though, so perhaps he was just performing the spell incorrectly. Grasping his wand, he decided to keep trying.

By the time a half hour had passed, Severus was extremely frustrated. Nothing was working! He had tried adjusting the nuance of his pronunciation and his wand movements, but the spell still hadn’t worked. For Merlin’s sake, all he wanted to do was take the damn monitoring charm off so that he could go back to self-harming without anyone finding out! _Fucking damn it!_ The young man took a deep breath, trying to quell the intense urge he felt to cut. He knew he couldn’t self-harm right now, or Tom would immediately know and floo back to castle to find him. And if Tom decided to search his belongings, he might find the parchment. Severus grit his teeth in helpless frustration. He absolutely couldn’t risk his guardian finding out about the spell he’d found. If that happened, Tom would probably add his magical signature to the monitoring charm, if which case he’d never be able to remove it. And that was simply unacceptable.

Looking around desperately, Severus grabbed the first thing he saw. Picking up a vase, he hurled it across the room and watched it shatter. Relieved when some of his tension dissipated, the young man snatched up another object and threw it against the wall. He could repair everything easily enough once he no longer felt the urge to cut.  

* * *

Minerva was strolling through the hallway when she heard the sound of shattering objects coming from a closed classroom. Knowing that no classes were scheduled in there, she tried to open the door, wondering what on earth the students were doing. Finding it locked, the transfiguration professor muttered a spell and threw open the door, ready to reprimand the errant students. Stepping inside, Minerva ducked in surprise when something flew towards her. “Severus! Are you alright?” she asked, looking around the room where multiple books and shattered vases lay scattered on the floor.

Severus flushed and murmured an incoherent response, sheepishly putting down the vase he held in his hand. _Damn it, why did Minerva have to find me during one of my destructive states?_ “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“Hmm... typical teenage response. But of course, that never means that things are fine,” Minerva said, waving her wand and repairing the damage.

“I’m not thirteen any more, Minerva," Severus muttered.

“Well, you’re certainly acting like a teenager, young man, throwing objects all over the room just because you’re upset,” Minerva said sternly, shaking a finger at him reprovingly. “Now, you are going to follow me to my office, and we are going to discuss what’s gotten you into this state.” Severus merely stared at her. “Do I have to drag you to my office by your ear, young man?”

Severus stared at her in horror. "I’m a professor now, not your student, Minerva! You wouldn’t dar—Ow!” He yelped as the formidable witch reached up, expertly grabbed his ear, and started pulling him towards her office. "Minerva, let me go!”

“Are you willing to behave and come with me then?” she demanded sternly.

Severus huffed impatiently. "Yes, ma’am. Now if you could please release me…”

Minerva released him and gave him a mock glare. "Quit looking at me like that, Severus, and start walking. Or I will pull you there by your ear.”

Severus rolled his eyes but obediently headed towards his old professor’s office. He wouldn’t put it past the transfiguration professor to actually drag him by his ear, and Merlin knows what that would do to his reputation if the students saw him as they were leaving their classes. _Note to self: never take a job at one’s alma mater unless there’s been a complete staff changeover._

When they reached Minerva’s office, Severus was gently pushed onto a couch and forced to lie down. “You look exhausted, Severus. Now you lie down for a bit, or I will not hesitate to stick you to that couch with a sticking charm."

"For Merlin’s sake, Minerva!" Severus practically whined. "I’m not a student any longer!”

“I know that, Severus, but I will always care about you like a son,” Minerva said fondly.

Severus flushed. _Why do her damn maternal instincts always have to emerge when I’m around?_  “I have classes to teach in 20 minutes,” he protested weakly.

“I know that, but 20 minutes is plenty of time to chat and have some biscuits and tea,” Minerva said, calling a house elf to make the order. “What’s that in your robe pocket?” she asked, noticing the loose parchment crumpled in his robes.

Severus hastily sat up and shoved the parchment deeper into his pocket. “Nothing. It’s nothing. Just notes for my next class,” he replied, trying to be sound nonchalant.

Minerva raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “And is it something that Tom would disapprove of?” she questioned, glancing at the squirming potions master.

“No, it’s just… it’s a spell that I was trying to master and I couldn’t seem to get the hang of it,” Severus said, trying to sound sheepish. If Minerva found out about the spell, she would tell Albus who would then tell Tom, and he would never get the monitoring charm removed.

“Ah, I see. And is that what you were so upset about? Perhaps I can help you with the spell,” Minerva offered.

“No! I mean, thank you, but I’d like to master it by myself, even if I have to deal with a little frustration,” Severus finished, trying to clear his expression of any guilt from lying.

“Alright, Severus, I know you always have been determined to figure things out by yourself,” Minerva relented. “But let me know if you decide you’d like some help. I’m sure either myself or Filius would be happy to help you.”

“I will. Thank you, Minerva,” he replied, standing up from the couch. “Now, I must be going to prepare for my NEWT class. I will see you at dinner,” he said, relieved that she hadn’t probed very much. He was almost out the door when she stopped him.

“Severus!” Minerva called.

The young man reluctantly paused, assuming an impatient expression in the hopes that she would let him go without asking any more questions. “Yes?”

“Do take a biscuit with you, Severus. I can’t eat all of these alone,” Minerva said warmly, holding out the plate of biscuits.

Severus sighed in relief, trying to disguise it as impatience. “Thank you, Minerva.” Taking a biscuit, he headed back to the dungeons for his next class.

* * *

When he reached his classroom, the potions professor waved his wand, setting out ten cauldrons and stirring rods. Since it was his NEWT class, the students were mostly capable of supervising themselves and would need little instruction from him. He would hopefully be able to figure out what he was doing wrong with the counter spell, since he’d only need to help the students if they had questions about their potions.

Severus bit his lip with worry and started pacing. Tom was arriving back from St. Mungo’s before dinner, so he only had a couple of hours to figure out the counter-spell and successfully perform it. It was a Friday, so unless he figured it out and removed the charm by evening, he’d have to wait the entire weekend until Tom went back to work at St. Mungo’s before could try again. He couldn’t wait that long! He needed to be able to self-harm without being caught and stopped!

Severus grumbled in annoyance when the bell rang, signaling the start of class. Clearing his expression into a neutral glare, he flung open the classroom door and greeted his students with a mild scowl. “Since you are all working on individual projects for your NEWTs, I expect that you should need minimal guidance from me. However, if you should need assistance or have a question, I will be grading papers at my desk. I will also be checking on your progress throughout the class, and I will be most displeased if there are any major errors that you should have mastered by sixth year. Now, get to work,” Severus snapped.

The seventh years quickly started gathering ingredients while Severus settled at his desk, pulling out a stack of ungraded seventh year essays. He placed the spell parchment next to the essays, charming it so that the students wouldn’t be able to read it should they glance at his desk. _Better be safe than sorry. I don’t even want to risk the possibility of a student mentioning the spell in the hearing of any of my colleagues._ A few minutes after the students had started brewing, Severus stood up to do an initial check and make sure that none of them were doing anything that would cause an explosion.

“Professor, do you know who the man is who usually sits next to you in the Great Hall? I’ve seen him around the castle, but Professor Dumbledore has never introduced him,” a Slytherin student asked, when Severus reached her cauldron.

Severus stiffened. Most of the Slytherin students’ parents had probably heard of or at least met the Dark Lord years ago, but they probably hadn’t discussed it with their children. Tom’s voluntary admission into St. Mungo’s had also been kept very secretive, so very few knew that Tom had previously been the Dark Lord. “The wizard is one of my colleagues who is staying at the castle for the time being. Now get back to your potion, Ms. Selyn,” Severus responded shortly. While he was hesitant to tell the students that Tom had previously been Lord Voldemort, there was no way in hell that he was going to them that Tom was actually his guardian. After all, the NEWT students were seventh years, only a few years younger than him. It was already embarrassing enough to even have a guardian, without any of the students knowing.

The potions professor quickly finished checking on everyone’s potions before returning to his chair. Taking out his wand, he silently mimicked the motions of the counter spell under his desk while continuing to examine the parchment for any details he may have missed. Severus quietly swore under his breath when he finally figured out his error thirty minutes later. The coordination between his wand movements and his pronunciation of the spell had been slightly out of sync, causing the spell to fail.

Severus sighed in relief. At least now he knew what was wrong. As soon as the students left, he could remove the monitoring charm and at last feel the sweet relief of his blade. The professor cast a quick tempus, noticing that there were only 10 minutes left of class. Everyone in the class would be finishing up their potions within the next few minutes. Severus rose from his chair, hoping to see that his students had successfully brewed their potions. “Competent job, Ms. Marus, decant it and put a sample on my desk. Mr. Kines, be careful with the texture of the gillyweed next time you crush it. The consistency is too grainy in this potion. Bottle it and remember this for next time,” Severus lectured, moving from cauldron to cauldron. “Your potions will be graded by next class. Homework for Monday is twelve inches of parchment on the Draught of Living Death. Dismissed.”

When the last potions vial had been placed on his desk, and the students had filed out of the classroom, Severus flicked his wand towards the door, locking and warding it. Lightly grasping his wand, he took a deep breath and concentrated. “Transvecto tutela!” Severus smirked with triumph when he felt the ward dissolve. Now all that was left was the monitoring charm. “Finite Incantatem,” he muttered, breathing a sigh of relief when the spell was removed. _Finally._ The charm was off, and now he could cut.

Heading into his office, he tapped the bricks three times, opening up the sealed side entrance to quarters. Once inside, he opened the secret drawer in his desk and reverently took out his knife. What Tom didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. And Severus needed this. Placing the blade against his wrist, he pressed down lightly, only drawing a thin line of blood. He didn’t feel the urge to cut deeply at the moment, and simply feeling the relief of the blade across his skin was enough for now. He drew the knife across his arm two more times before cleaning it off and placing it back in the drawer. Feeling much lighter now that he had managed to cut, the young man cast a concealing charm and headed to his laboratory to continue experimenting. The deadline for the journal entry was fast approaching, and he wasn’t anywhere near finishing his attempt at a cure for exitiale languorem. 

* * *

A couple of frustrating hours later, and Severus was no closer to making any progress. He couldn’t seem to figure out what he needed to do to create the cure! Nothing was working! Storming into the living room, he threw the spell parchment into the fireplace. “Incendio,” he muttered unhappily, setting the incriminating evidence alit. Why was his potion not working? He had added all of the ingredients that he’d thought he would need, but something was clearly missing. Maybe another trip to Slugs and Jiggers Apothecary would help him figure it out. He needed to figure out what he was missing, and soon! Severus growled angrily. The next potions journal publication was in just a few months, and if he didn't meet the deadline, his reputation as the youngest potions master of the century was basically useless, not to mention his future career as a potions master. _Damn it, I have to figure this out!_

The front door opened, and Tom entered, glancing around for his ward. The healer gasped at the sight that met him, immediately taking out his wand and conjuring a burst of water to douse the flames. It appeared as if Severus had become so distracted by his thoughts that he hadn’t even realized the fire had spread from the fireplace and into the room. "Severus Snape!" Tom scolded sharply, furrowing his brow at the younger man who had been merely sitting there, staring unseeingly at the flames consuming the furniture.

Severus jolted out of his daze, staring in surprise at the soaked furniture. He turned to look sheepishly at his guardian. “It was an accident!”

"You could have been seriously hurt, Severus! You cannot keep letting your temper control you, young man. You are grounded, for a week," Tom said sternly, raising an eyebrow when his ward started to protest. "Do not test me, Severus,” he warned quietly. “You set our living room _on fire_.”

"Fine." Severus scowled, crossing his arms. Just his luck to get grounded after he’d finally managed to remove the monitoring spell. He hadn’t even realized that he’d set the room on fire in his frustrated haze. And now he’d be hard pressed to find a place to self-harm since his room was warded against it.

"I will remind you of the rules. Your bedtime is 10pm every night, including weekends. You may not leave your quarters without me or Albus except for classes and staff meetings. When you leave to teach or do night rounds, you are to come straight back with no side trips. You are also to meet me in my office for a daily therapy session. Understood?" Tom asked briskly.

"Yes sir." Severus muttered darkly.

"I will let you inform your colleagues if it conflicts with any meetings with them," Tom added quietly.

"Fine." Severus crossed his arms and pouted. He hated getting grounded, and now basically all of his freedom was taken away. He would have to sneak into a classroom during his night rounds now in order to self-harm, and even then, Tom might ask a house elf to monitor him. Although, that was less likely, since the healer still thought that the monitoring charm was in place. The young man unconsciously fiddled with his sleeve, pulling them farther down despite the glamour charm covering the newly made cuts.

“I only discipline you because I care, Severus. I do not want you to be accidentally harmed because you lost control of your temper and magic," Tom said, noticing his ward’s sullen demeanor. Severus was his patient, yes, but he was also his ward, and it was his job as Severus’ guardian to protect and take care of the young man.

Severus merely nodded, casting his eyes down onto the floor. Sometimes Tom really made him feel like a naughty child.

“Can you tell me what caused you to become so upset?” Tom pushed.

Severus fidgeted uncomfortably. “Can we talk about it later?”

"Very well, but we will be talking more about this at your next therapy session, Severus, make no mistake."

“And if I don’t want to talk about?” Severus asked with a half-hearted sneer.

Tom sighed. “Perhaps you haven’t noticed, Severus, but my decisions as your guardian and healer are based more on what you need than what you would prefer. We will be discussing this tomorrow.”

Severus glared at the older man but gave a stiff nod. He knew Tom wouldn’t forget.  “May I be excused?” He really just wanted to go back to his lab and brew off the rest of his frustration with a simple potion, but the look that the damn healer was giving him was not a good one.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" Tom asked quietly. When Severus merely shook his head, he sighed. "Alright then. If you do not want to talk about what triggered this reaction, you may go to your room until dinner." He braced himself for the protest that would come, knowing that Severus would likely perceive it as a punishment.

Severus bit back a groan and rolled his eyes. "I am not a child, Tom,” he snapped.

"No, you are not. However, I would like for you to calm down in your room and think about what caused you to lose control of your magic. Write it in your journal if you’d like. But I do not want you brewing right now. Your mind is not in the right place, and you know how easy it is to make mistakes when you’re upset.” He was still calm, as he always was, but his voice held a stern edge to it.

Severus grumbled but reluctantly headed upstairs towards his room. Tom watched him leave, his brow furrowed. He had this odd, nagging feeling like he was missing something important, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. Perhaps Severus would tell him during their next therapy session. But for now, he would wait.


	9. Chapter Nine

Severus glared at the Gryffindor table as he pondered the reason behind his empty coffee mug. He was sure that coffee had been in there at one point, but now it had disappeared. Most likely a student prank. He was considering which House deserved to lose points when a coffee pot appeared in front of him and someone refilled his cup. “There you are, Severus. Merlin forbid that the poor students have to face their terrifying potions professor before he’s had enough caffeine,” Minerva teased with a smile.

Severus rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Minerva,” he replied, starting on his second cup of the day. Perhaps Gryffindor would escape with all of its points, at least for the morning. Opening up the Daily Prophet, the potions professor flipped through the pages, looking for anything that might catch his interest. Catching a glimpse of the obituaries, his stomach sank with guilt as he read about another person who had been killed by exitiale languorem. _One more death that could have been prevented. Damn it, if I wasn’t such a worthless idiot, maybe I would have already created the cure, and no one else would be dying because of me! Father was right. He should’ve just drowned me at birth. I’m just a useless burden, a waste of space._ His fists clenched in self-loathing.

“Severus, are you alright?” Minerva asked in concern.

The potions master abruptly stood up. “I’m fine. Excuse me,” he muttered, heading towards the loo. He needed to cut, _now_. Locking himself in a stall, the young man took out the small dagger that he kept hidden in his boot. “Fucking useless,” he spat bitterly, dragging the blade across his upper thigh. After all, what Tom didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. And even though Severus knew that he would not be able to deceive his healer for long, all he could think about was cutting - just something to relieve his guilt. He needed it, so badly, and that was all he could focus on. His desperate need for his blade, for the pain. Because he deserved it. He knew he did. Drawing a few more cuts, the young man let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He felt more in control now. Cleaning the knife and casting a glamour, the young professor left the restroom and headed for the dungeons.  

Upon reaching his quarters, Severus growled, stalking up to Tom’s office. He didn’t want to “check in” with the damn healer about what was bothering him. Unfortunately, he knew that skipping a therapy session with Tom would only end with a grounding. The healer was very strict about the rules meant to monitor his health, and he wasn’t allowed much leeway. Severus knew that talking with Tom about what was bothering him, however reluctantly, would help him control his impulses, but that didn’t mean he wanted to talk. And he was certain that Tom would make him admit why he’d accidentally set his personal quarters on fire and almost burned down the living room. Reaching Tom’s office, Severus sighed. _Damn healers._  

“Come in,” Tom called, hearing the bitter knock. The younger man entered with a scowl, and Tom sighed. “Sit, please,” he ordered, pointing to the chair across from his desk.  

Severus grumbled under his breath but grudgingly obeyed and dropped into the armchair across from his guardian. He really wished he were anywhere besides Tom’s office. His weekly sessions were usually tolerable, but Severus knew that this was different. Every time he landed in hot water, Tom always tried to get an explanation out of him and get him to talk his _feelings_. He didn’t want to talk about his damn feelings. “It was an accident,” the young professor groused, ignoring the searching look of his healer.

“I understand that Severus. Talk to me,” Tom replied quietly, leaning forward.

"I was under the impression that I was," Severus drawled, raising an eyebrow.

Tom managed not to groan aloud, realizing that Severus was in one of his sarcastic moods. He knew it was partly a defense mechanism, but it was also a major part of the young man’s personality. “I would like to know what upset you so much that you accidentally set the living room on fire and didn’t notice until I returned," he elaborated.

Severus snorted. Now that was a loaded request. One that he was not in the mood to answer. "I’d rather not.”

"Severus," Tom sighed.

"I believe that this is a waste of my time. I will not spend the day pointlessly chattering away. Good day," Severus said stiffly, standing rapidly and heading towards the door. Perhaps Tom would let him escape today.

"If you leave this room now, you will not like the consequences," Tom warned quietly, causing the younger man to freeze. "Sit down. Now." His tone was stern, and Severus recognized it as the warning it was.

The younger man sighed but returned to his chair. “This is fucking pointless,” Severus muttered under his breath.

"If you wish to avoid the soap spell, then watch your language and behave yourself,” Tom added sharply, studying the younger man closely.

Severus dropped his gaze and bit his lip. "Yes, sir. I apologize."

“Thank you. Now, what was going on in your head before the fire happened?” the healer repeated.

Severus grimaced, scowling at the older man. "I'm not in the mood, Tom,” he muttered, crossing his arms sulkily.

"And yet, that is when you need to talk the most,” Tom replied softly.

“Fine. I was upset about not being able to figure out the correct recipe for my potion. “Anything else that you want to know?” the younger man snapped.

Tom sighed, briefly closing his eyes. What else did he want to know? Everything that was bothering his ward. But what would Severus be willing to share? That was always the question. "Tell me why you were so upset at not being able to create your potion cure,” he said finally.

Severus groaned. He had walked right into that one. It was not a question that he could just ignore, but he could be misleading if necessary. "Fine. I’m under a lot of pressure. As the youngest potions master of the century, I want to live up to my reputation.” He bit his lip, glancing away from the penetrating eyes. It was not a lie, not really. It was just a lot more complicated than that.

“Severus, please do not tell me half-truths. I can tell that there is much more to your reaction than simply being frustrated about a potion,” Tom chided. Severus flushed and stared at his shoes. “I won’t judge you, child. You know that. You can trust me,” the healer said gently.

The young man lifted his eyes to stare at the man’s desk. “I’ve always felt worthless. Almost everyone has told me that, ever since I was a child. Father always called me a worthless burden, and most of my peers at Hogwarts never thought I’d ever amount to anything, being the greasy git with the baggy clothes and second-hand books. I just wanted to prove them wrong. If I could create this cure, then maybe I wouldn’t be such a worthless failure,” Severus mumbled, subconsciously digging his nails into his palms.

Tom noticed and firmly took the boy’s hands in his own. He was a bit surprised that he hadn’t heard the monitoring alarm go off when Severus had started hurting himself, but he supposed the monitoring charm hadn’t sensed any serious intent to self-harm. He brushed it off, deciding to come back to it later. Right now, he had to reassure his patient. “Severus, you are not worthless. Your father was an abusive man, and we’ve talked about how you can’t put any faith in his words. And as for your classmates, don’t you think they may have been jealous of your skills in potions? Children frequently bully others when they are jealous or feel inadequate in comparison,” Tom suggested.  

Severus cautiously lifted his head to meet Tom’s gaze. “You really think that maybe they were all just jealous? And that they only called me names because they weren’t as talented in certain areas?” he asked tentatively, his voice carrying a barely noticeable tremor.

“I think that is certainly a possibility. I am certain that you are not worthless or a failure. You became the youngest potions master in the century for a reason, Severus. You completed your mastery and invented potions that are being used to treat patients in St. Mungo’s as we speak. That definitely doesn’t sound like the accomplishments of worthless wizard to me,” Tom said, handing Severus a handkerchief.

Severus gratefully took it, wiping at his eyes where a few tears had leaked out. “I’m still a failure though. I’ve tried everything, and I can’t seem to figure out how to create this cure,” he said hollowly, his voice thick with emotion.

“That does not make you a failure, Severus,” Tom said firmly. “And not meeting the deadline for your potions journal submission is not going to break your career. Yes, it is important, but there are many other impressive potions publications out there, and all of them would be more than thrilled to publish your potion cure when you are able to figure it out. And you’re not planning on giving up on the cure any time soon, are you?”

“No! I won’t give up until I find it. I just don’t want anyone else to die! It’s bad enough that I-” Severus broke off and looked down.

Tom studied his patient carefully. “You feel responsible,” he concluded.  

Severus nodded. “I am,” he whispered.

The healer sighed, before standing up and drawing his young ward into a hug. “You are not responsible for anyone’s death, Severus. You are only responsible for your own actions. Potions masters and healers have been trying for centuries to find a cure for exitiale languorem, and no one has yet succeeded. But not any of them, including you, are to blame for not finding the cure in time to save lives. It was the disease that took their lives, not you, child,” Tom said softly but assuredly.  

“But-” Severus started.

“Did you cast Avada Kedavra? Did you give these people potions that made them develop exitiale languorem?” Tom interrupted.

“No,” Severus whispered.

Tom nodded, then knelt before the young man and took him by the chin. “Then you are not responsible for Lily's death or anyone else who has fallen to exitiale languorem. Do you understand?" Severus tearfully nodded his head. "Now you say it," Tom instructed.

"I…I am not responsible," Severus said quietly.

"That's right, child,” the healer said. After a moment, he slowly rose to his feet. “I think that’s enough for now, unless there is anything else you’d like to discuss?”

Severus silently shook his head. He felt better now, even though he didn’t want to admit it. It felt reassuring to know that he wasn’t responsible, even though he often felt like it. Tom somehow always knew how to help him recognize his thought distortions and think about things more logically. “I’m alright, Tom. Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Very well, then you may go if you wish.” Severus was just about to walk through the door when Tom spoke again. “Severus, I wanted to let you know how pleased I am that you have managed to refrain from harming yourself. Are the additional coping techniques I gave you helping?”

“Yes, sir,” Severus nodded, making sure he kept his face neutral. He felt guilty for lying and removing the monitoring charm, but it wasn’t like he’d really had a choice. He _needed_ the pain and feelings of release that he experienced when he cut. Talking helped, but it didn’t always take away the intense urge to self-harm. Tom just didn’t understand.

* * *

Severus sat at his desk grading some dunderhead third year’s essay, crossing out nearly all of the lines with his red quill. The student clearly hadn’t done the reading, and there was nothing more that Severus hated than laziness. Hearing a knock at the door, Severus sighed, already fearing who was behind it. Tom had been called away for an evening shift at St. Mungo’s, so that only left two other people, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t Minerva. "Come on in, Albus." Scowling at the chuckle he received, Snape folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. "And to what do I owe the pleasure of the great Albus Dumbledore coming to visit me?" he drawled sarcastically.

"Hello to you too, Severus. How is grading coming along?" Albus asked cheerfully.

Severus gave him a pointed look and slowly blinked. “Save it, Albus. What do you really want?”

The headmaster let out a small sigh, his demeanor changing ever so slightly. “Why don’t we floo up to my office, my boy, and we can discuss it there.”

Severus narrowed his eyes, catching the slight change in the older man’s attitude. “What is it?” he asked suspiciously.

“We can discuss it in my office, Severus,” Albus said firmly, gesturing to the floo.

Severus felt his stomach churn anxiously as he stepped into the fireplace. This wasn’t going to be a friendly chat then, if the headmaster was so insistent on talking in his office. What could he have done wrong?

“Please, sit down, Severus,” Albus said, stepping out of the floo and gesturing to the seat across from his office desk.

Severus silently obeyed before nervously asking, “What is it, sir?”

Albus leaned forward and spoke solemnly to the young man sitting before him. “Tom and I had a chat before he left for his evening shift, Severus. We both agreed that it might be best if you took some time off from teaching.”

Severus’ heart sank in despair. “Y-You’re firing me?” he whispered. There was a sudden ringing in his ears, and all he could do was sit frozen in shock.

“No, Severus, it is just temporary until Tom decides that you’ve recovered enough to continue teaching again,” Albus soothed.

Severus didn’t even process the older man’s words. All he could think about was being fired. His mentor, hell, basically his father, had finally given up on him. Albus was removing him from his job, his home at Hogwarts. Temporary or not, he had been asked to leave. And who would ever be sane enough to want him back? But then… that meant his only other option was St. Mungo’s. He didn’t have enough money to live anywhere else. _No, no, no! I can’t be locked up in St. Mungo’s!_

Severus bolted to his feet, panic in his eyes. “No, please, sir! I promise I’ll be better. I’m sorry I’m a burden, I’ll do better, I swear! Please don’t make me leave,” he begged, dropping to his knees in front of the headmaster.

Albus stared down at his child in shock. “Severus, what on earth are you talking about?”

“Please don’t make me leave Hogwarts! I don’t want to be locked up in St. Mungo’s. I’ll do anything, I swear!” Severus cried, tears streaming down his face.

Albus’ eyes widened in comprehension, and he quickly lifted the young man onto his lap, gently guiding the boy’s head to rest against his shoulder. “Shhh… calm down, Sevvy. It’s okay. I’m not sending you away from Hogwarts,” he soothed, using Severus’ childhood nickname in an attempt to calm the boy.

“Y-You’re not?” came the tearful response.

“No, child. I would never make you leave your home at Hogwarts. Remember, you are like a son to me, Severus. A substitute will take over your classes for a little while, but you will still be living in your quarters with Tom and maintaining your Head of House duties. It will give you more time to focus on your brewing and relieve you of the stresses of teaching while you recover,” Albus said gently, rubbing the young man’s back and sending calming streams of magic into him.

As the magic entered his system, Severus’ head sheepishly re-emerged from Albus’ robes. “Sorry. I was being stupid and overreacting,” he muttered, his cheeks flushed red.

“It’s perfectly alright, son. No need to be embarrassed. Do you have any more questions?” Albus asked. Severus shook his head. “How about some hot cocoa then?”

A few minutes later, they were both sipping warm mugs of hot chocolate and chatting quietly. Severus was leaning against his mentor’s shoulder, enjoying spending some relaxing time with the man. They lay there in peaceful silence for a few minutes, just relaxing in each other’s company.

“Dad?” Severus asked tentatively.

Albus smiled. It had been awhile since Severus had last called him Dad, but he always cherished it when he did. “Yes, Sev?”

“Well…” the young man looked away in embarrassment.

“What is it, son? You know you can ask me anything,” Albus coaxed.

“It’s just - well, why on earth are you so obsessed with lemon drops?” Severus finally burst out.

Albus started chuckling. _Of all the things for Severus to ask about, of course it’s my lemon drops._ “Oh, Severus. I don’t know. They are sour at first, but gradually become sweeter as they start to dissolve. I suppose I like the combination of sweet and sour. Would you like one?” he asked teasingly, knowing full well that Severus loathed the sweets.

Severus scowled and playfully shoved his mentor’s shoulder. “You know I can’t stand those things, Albus,” he said, unable to contain his smile.

“Are you sure?” Albus asked, his eyes twinkling. He smiled when the young man rolled his eyes. “Would you like another cup of hot chocolate?”

Severus yawned and cast tempus to check the time. “No, thank you. I actually have to return to my quarters by 10pm,” he muttered sheepishly.

"Bed so soon?" Albus asked, arching an eyebrow. There were very few reasons why Severus would have to return to his quarters this early. The young man never went to bed before twelve unless he was sick or exhausted, and neither seemed to be the case, so he must had done something that Tom disproved of.

Severus closed his eyes briefly. It was always a bit embarrassing to admit to his father-figure what he had done that Tom was unhappy about. "Yes, well. I’m grounded for a week. For losing my temper and setting the living room on fire," he mumbled. Albus raised an eyebrow. "It was an accident!" Severus protested.

Albus held back a chuckle, but his eyes twinkled with amusement. "I see. Very well. I’ll walk you back to your quarters then.”

When they reached his rooms, Severus was surprised when the older man followed him inside. “Albus, what are you doing?”

“Well, Tom will not be back from St. Mungo’s until later tonight, so I thought I’d stand in for him tonight,” Albus said. “Now why don’t you go get ready for bed, and I’ll be up in your room in 15 minutes.”

Severus rolled his eyes when the annoying, manipulative old coot that he'd admittedly come to love and respect over the years insisted on staying. He knew that Albus was almost as bad as Minerva and Poppy when it came to coddling him, so it seemed rather pointless to voice his protests. Deciding to cooperate this time, he obediently headed upstairs.

Severus groaned when he heard a knock on his door a few minutes later. He had been lying on his bed browsing through his favorite potions journal after brushing his teeth and changing into pajamas. After all, Tom had only said that he needed to be in bed by ten, not asleep. “Come in,” Severus grumbled.

Albus opened the door to Severus’ bedroom, stepping inside with a frown. "You should be sleeping, not reading, young man,” he chided.

Severus merely shrugged, turning back to his journal.

Albus stepped forward and took the journal away, folding the page to mark the young man’s place. "Up,” he ordered softly. Severus groaned but obeyed, standing up so that Albus could pull the covers and sheets down. "Lie down, son."

"Dad..."

"Severus," Albus warned quietly. He knew that although the young man might find it embarrassing at times, he also liked being tucked in, especially after being disciplined or if he was grounded.

Severus grumbled some very unflattering things under his breath but obediently laid down on the bed. "Are you staying in here for a bit?" Severus asked, trying to sound nonchalant. He would never admit it out loud, but he secretly enjoyed being tucked in. It made him feel cared for and loved.

"Of course, Severus. I can stay with you until you fall asleep," Albus replied reassuringly.

"I’m not a child that needs to be coddled, Albus! I – I was just wondering," Severus finished lamely, blushing and ducking his head.

Albus leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Of course not, my boy. Now, try to get some rest.”


	10. Chapter Ten

Severus sulked as he flung himself into his favorite reading chair. He had just come from a quidditch match which had not ended well for Slytherin. The Gryffindor team had absolutely flattened Slytherin’s team, making them look like incompetent dunderheads. They had lost by so many points that Severus wasn’t even sure he’d be able to face Minerva without feeling embarrassed. Worst of all, Slytherin was likely out of the running for the House Cup as well unless they won their upcoming matches against Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw by more than 200 points.

The Slytherin Head sighed, calling a house elf for a cup of tea. His house had lost the Quidditch Cup to Gryffindor for the past three years, and it was absolutely infuriating. The idiotic and reckless stunts that the lions pulled during the match were the only reason Slytherin had lost. Slytherins were cleverer and better suited for the subtle arts compared to impulsive, foolish Gryffindors. Severus smirked. The Quidditch Cup was likely to remain in Minerva’s office, but he had snuck in and made a few little modifications. After all, he couldn’t take defeat without a fight.

There was a sharp rap at the door, and Severus apprehensively rose to answer it. That rap had struck fear in the hearts of many Hogwarts students, and even though Severus had already graduated, he still remembered it very well. Of course, he and Minerva were colleagues now. She no longer had the power of intimidation over him. She couldn’t just knock on his door and expect-

“ _Severus Tobias Snape! You open this door immediately!_ ”

The door was open three seconds later. Minerva didn’t even bother to look apologetic at barging in while he was busy fuming. And sulking. And avoiding her.

“Mr. Snape,” Minerva began.

Severus paled. Minerva hadn’t called him that since he’d been a student. Oh Merlin, he was in _so_ much trouble.

“I did not think that I would have to tell you that it is not acceptable to charm the Quidditch Cup trophy to flash Slytherin colors and shoot out green and silver confetti just because your House lost! Gryffindor won fair and square,” the Gryffindor Head continued, outraged at Severus’ defiling of the cup.

“Minerva, please, it was only a little joke. I’m sure you were able to reverse it,” Severus protested.

“You spelled it to shout out insults any time a Gryffindor tries to touch it or even look at it!” Minerva fumed. “And no, I was not able to reverse it because you charmed it specifically to your magical signature, so that no one else could remove it. That is why you are going to follow me to my office and remove the charm right now,” she demanded sternly.

“But, Minerva,” Severus practically whined. He didn’t _want_ to remove the charm. He rather liked it when the cup was Slytherin colors and insulted the lions.

Severus was cut off by a furious Deputy Headmistress. “Severus Snape! You are acting very much like the disrespectful, immature children you accuse the students of being! It’s been many years, but I will not hesitate to bend you over my knee, if need be,” Minerva snapped.

Severus’ eyes widened in horror. Minerva hadn’t spanked him since he’d been a fourth year and she’d caught him brewing a dangerous potion in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. He still remembered the slipper she’d used to “impress upon him the importance of personal safety,” and he was not eager for another lesson to be imprinted onto his backside. “I apologize, Minerva. I will accompany you to your office and reverse the charm immediately,” he said hastily, eyeing the transfiguration professor warily as he passed her.

“I’m glad we could reach a consensus,” Minerva replied primly. She smirked as Severus gave her wide berth as he started towards her office. It seemed that the young man still remembered the slippering she’d given him years ago and did not want to experience it again. Excellent.

Severus rolled his eyes as Minerva practically frog marched him to her office. When he reached the room, he couldn’t help but laugh. The Gryffindor Head’s office was covered in green and silver confetti, and the cup wouldn’t stop shouting out insults towards Gryffindors.

“Fix it now, Severus,” Minerva ordered, her lips thinned with disapproval.

“Of course, Professor,” Severus said through muffled laughter, waving his wand and removing his charms from the cup. Another wave and the confetti disappeared.

“Thank you,” Minerva said, an unseen glint in her eye.   

Severus yelped when he felt a swat land on his bottom. “Ow! But I fixed it!” he protested.

“I’m aware. That was your punishment for charming it in the first place,” Minerva replied with a satisfied smirk. Severus scowled, ruefully rubbing his behind to try and alleviate the slight sting. “Also, Albus wants us to meet him at the castle entrance in half an hour. Since Tom is away and Filius and Pomona are on monitoring duty, he thought it would be nice if the three of us went into Hogsmeade for supper,” she continued.

“It will certainly be nice to have a break from the dunderheads,” Severus commented wryly. He hadn’t had a chance to leave the castle since his grounding had ended a few weeks ago, so an evening out was more than welcome. “I will grab a jacket from my rooms and meet you at the entrance.” 

* * *

Albus and Minerva were already waiting for him when he arrived at the front doors. “Ready to go, my boy?” Albus asked cheerfully.

“Yes, I am. Where are we going?” Severus asked, following his mentors as they started walking towards the apparition point outside of the castle wards.

“I was thinking of the Three Broomsticks,” the headmaster said. Severus nodded, and a few seconds later, the three professors apparated, appearing right in front of the pub.

“Albus, how wonderful to see you! And Minerva and Severus, you two as well! How have you been?” Rosmerta asked, smiling as they entered the pub.

“Rosmerta, my dear, we are doing well. And yourself?” Albus inquired.  

“Oh, I’m doing very well. The pub is quite popular. Business is booming. What can I get you three to eat and drink?” Rosmerta asked.

Once Rosmerta had taken their orders, Severus looked at Albus questioningly. “Is there a special occasion for this outing, Albus?”

The older man shook his head. “Not at all. Minerva and I just wanted to spend some time with you, now that you are no longer swamped with teaching and grading.”

“I do have a lot more time to brew now, although I do miss teaching my NEWT students,” Severus admitted.

“Why, Severus! That is quite a compliment for your NEWT students, considering your disdain for the majority of the Hogwarts student body,” Minerva said teasingly.

Severus rolled his eyes. “It is merely because they are not as incompetent as the usual dunderheads I have to teach,” he said dismissively. “Have you decided who will be my temporary replacement yet?”

“Well, we have interviewed two candidates and are leaning towards the second one. His name is Jackson Richards, and he has a potions mastery from Australia and ten years of teaching experience, along with many pedagogy awards. His resume is quite impressive,” Minerva said.

Severus bit his lip. He hadn’t heard of Richards before, but the man did sound quite impressive. After all, he only had his potions mastery and one year of teaching experience, and he knew he certainly wouldn’t win any awards for teaching. What if they decided to keep Richards permanently?

Albus noticed the facial expressions running across Severus’ face and sighed. “Severus, no matter how successful the new potions professor is, we will not be replacing you permanently. The candidates are being interviewed with the knowledge that they are only a substitute for a few months at most. You don’t have to worry about your position here at Hogwarts. You know you’ll always have a place with us,” Albus said comfortingly.

“But if Richards is an incredible professor and potions master, it would make sense to keep him as a permanent replacement. The students respect me, but they don’t exactly like me. Well, maybe some of the Slytherins, but still. You should do what’s best for the school, Headmaster,” Severus said quietly.

“Severus, you are an incredibly qualified potions master and professor, and you shouldn’t sell yourself short! You are merely at a very early stage in your life, while Mr. Richards is almost fifty. You have many years to continue perfecting and excelling at your craft,” Minerva lectured in a no-nonsense tone. “Do you understand me, young man?”

“Yes, Minerva,” Severus responded dutifully, a small smile on his lips. He trusted Albus and Minerva absolutely and knew that they wouldn’t lie to him about not replacing him. “What else do you know about Richards?”

Their conversation continued throughout dinner, touching on the current politics, the students’ progress and lessons, and the headmaster’s annoying meetings with the Minister. Once they had finished their food, Albus checked his pocket watch and sighed. “I think we should probably return to the castle soon,” he said. “It is getting late, and I would hate to leave Filius and Pomona all alone with the ‘dunderheads,’ as you are so fond of saying, Severus,” Albus said, his eyes twinkling.

Severus smirked in amusement. He had greatly enjoyed the night out with Albus and Minerva. They didn’t often have too much time to spend together without the dunderheads interfering or getting into trouble, so the evening had been a nice break.

As they reached apparition point, Severus paused, his eyes lingering on an apothecary they had just passed. “Albus, Minerva, I’m actually going to stop at J. Pippin’s Potions shop. I want to see if I can find some ingredients that I need for my experimental potion,” he said.

“Of course, my boy. Would you like some company?” Albus asked.

Severus shook his head. “No, thank you. I may be a while, depending on what ingredients they have.”

“Very well. Please send us a patronus when you return the castle,” Minerva requested in a motherly tone.

Severus rolled his eyes. Minerva might as well be his mother with all the mollycoddling she did. “Yes, Mum. I promise,” he replied sarcastically. He yelped when Minerva hit his bottom with a light stinging hex.

“Mind your tone, Severus. Now, off with you to your potions shop. I expect a patronus by 10pm, or I’ll send out a search party with Tom and myself leading it,” she threatened, only half-teasing.

Severus sighed. “Alright, Minerva. I will,” he relented, glaring at Albus who was chuckling at their banter with twinkling eyes. “I’ll see you later.” With a dramatic whirl of his robes, he turned on his heel and headed towards the potions shop.

 A bell tinkled, announcing his presence, as he entered the store. Severus nodded politely at the wizard behind the counter.

“May I help you with anything?” the man asked.

“No, thank you. I’m just looking around,” Severus replied curtly, heading for the back shelves of the store where the rarer potions ingredients were stocked. Browsing quickly through the ingredient jars, the professor withheld a sighed. There didn’t seem to be anything on the shelves that he hadn’t tried. It wouldn’t hurt to restock his stores, though. A half hour later, after carefully selecting the best ingredients, Severus approached the counter with jars filled with asphodel, bat spleen, murtlap tentacle, and unicorn hair.

“Is that all for today, sir?” the shopkeeper asked.

“Yes, it is,” Severus said shortly, glancing behind the man. On the shelf behind the register were multiple baskets filled with more ingredients. Severus’ eyes landed on a pile of Bicorn horns, his mind mentally running through its properties. If he ground the Bicorn horn with the lacewing flies and murtlap tentacle, the ingredients would react and form-- Severus froze in shock, the jars of ingredients slipping from his hand and shattering onto the floor.

“Sir, are you alright?” the other wizard exclaimed, waving his wand to clean up the shattered glass. Severus didn’t respond; his eyes were fixed on the bicorn horns in a mix of horror and revelation. “Sir?”

Severus’ eyes snapped to the shopkeeper. “I-I apologize. I’ll of course pay for the ingredients I dropped,” the potions professor said shakily. “I would also like three bicorn horns, please.”

The shopkeeper nodded and packaged them up. “That will be 43 galleons, please.”

Severus numbly handed over the galleons and stumbled out of the shop, apparating instantly to Hogwarts.

He had found the ingredient that could have saved Lily’s life.

* * *

The young man stormed into his quarters, a mix of despair, self-hatred, and fury threatening to overwhelm him. It was so fucking simple. So damn fucking simple, and he hadn’t been able to figure it out! Bicorn horn was fairly uncommon, but it was by no means difficult to get. If he hadn’t been so fucking stupid, then maybe he would have been able to see the obvious solution, and Lily wouldn’t be lying in a coffin at Godric’s Hollow. The young man squeezed his eyes shut in self-loathing, his fists clenching angrily.

The door opened and Tom walked in, his eyes immediately falling onto his clearly distressed patient. “Severus, what’s wrong, child?” he asked worriedly.

“Nothing is wrong. Leave me the fuck alone,” Severus spat.

“Don’t lie to me, Severus,” Tom said wearily. “You’re pacing, and it’s clear you’re upset.”

“I told you, nothing is wrong!” Severus snarled, his eyes darting around the room. What he needed now was his knife. With that thought, the young man bolted from the living room towards his office. Upon reaching his desk, he yanked open the drawer, frantically rummaging for something sharp. Finding a thin knife that he’d disguised as a fancy quill after Albus had confronted him, he quickly removed his robe, pushing his sleeve up as far up as it would go before digging the knife into his skin. He desperately sliced the blade across his left forearm, trying to make the grief and guilt he felt disappear. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore.

Tom, who had followed Severus after he’d bolted, swore when he entered the room a few minutes later. He quickly reached the young man, firmly trapping the boy’s wrist. _Damn it._ "Severus, let go." Tom instructed softly but sternly.

"No. Mine," Severus growled, fighting the grasp on his wrist. _Fuck Tom. I can’t deal with this. Not right now._ He needed the pain. He hadn’t had pain in too long, and he needed it now. He didn’t want to think. Not at all. Cutting helped. It helped numb him.

"Severus, let me have it, please. You don’t need to hurt yourself, child," Tom replied quietly, keeping his grip on the young man’s wrist. Severus continued fighting him, desperately still trying to harm himself. _Damn it, I should’ve known he’d somehow managed to take off the monitoring charm! When has anyone ever been able to completely stop self-harming so quickly? It’s unrealistic! How on earth did I miss this?_ Tom silently berated himself as he struggled to gain control over his patient. It took the healer a few moments, but he finally managed to get the knife away from the younger man, vanishing it with a wave of his wand.

Severus growled, lashing out. His fist connected with the wall, and pain flooded his mind. He tried to lash out again, but hands were suddenly grasping both of his wrists, preventing him from hitting the wall again. He tried to pull his wrists free, but Tom’s grip was too strong.

Tom roughly tugged Severus away from the wall and pushed his ward into the floo. “Hospital wing, Safe Room!”

Severus stumbled out of the floo and glared at his healer. _Damn it, why can’t you just leave me alone!?_ He kicked the wall angrily, snarling in frustration when a protection field sprang up, and his foot merely bounced harmlessly off of the warded wall. Severus growled angrily. How dare Tom force him into this room! He punched at the wall again, yelling in anger.

“Enough, Severus,” Tom ordered, grabbing the boy’s bruised hand and summoning a healing balm. He rubbed the cream into Severus’ hand, scanning the young man for other injuries simultaneously. He sighed in relief when his scan didn’t show any infected wounds. “You’ve only managed to cut yourself a few times, thank Merlin,” he muttered, casting a silent healing charm on his patient’s wounded forearm. “It seems most of your injuries are on your wrist and thighs.”

"I don’t know what you’re talking about!" Severus spat defensively, jerking his hand out of the mind healer’s grasp and stalking to the other side of the room, pacing and occasionally kicking the wall. _Merlin, please don’t let him find out. He’ll send me away, and I’ll be locked up in St. Mungo’s if he sees all the cuts. Why did I have to mess up so badly?_

Tom observed his pacing ward and sighed. Severus was still very worked up and unlikely to let him examine his injuries; it would likely be helpful if he had backup when subduing the young man. The healer took a pinch of floo powder and threw it in the fireplace. “Albus, could you please come down here? Severus is being reluctant to cooperate, and I’d appreciate your help."

Severus was still the pummeling the wall in a futile effort to harm himself when Albus stepped through the floo. The older wizard glanced at Severus, his brow crinkling in concern. “What can I do, Tom?”

“I need you to help me get him on the bed so that I can examine him. Severus managed to remove the monitoring charm I placed and has succeeded in self-harming without my knowledge. I need to remove his glamours and heal his cuts before they get infected. Severus is denying that they exist and will likely try to lash out physically when I examine him,” Tom replied quietly. Albus nodded and took a cautious step forward.

The movement startled Severus, who was on the other side of the room. "Don’t come any closer!" he shouted warningly. The boy was clearly frightened, his eyes darting between Albus and Tom.

Albus held up his hands placatingly, and Tom sighed inwardly. They weren’t getting anywhere. Severus was clearly very agitated, and he would most likely continue to refuse to be examined unless dragged by physical or magical force. Coaxing the young man onto the bed was clearly not going to work, but he would try being strict and demanding before using force. "Severus, enough. Lie down on the bed," Tom ordered sternly, taking a few steps forward.

Severus stumbled backwards as Albus and Tom came closer, his eyes frantically scanning the room for an escape. "S-Stay back!" he stuttered, reaching for his wand unsurely. _Damn it, why did Tom have to bring Albus into this? There’s no way I can escape from both of them._

Tom noticed Severus raise his wand and paused. He knew that the child wouldn’t curse them, but he might hex them. He glanced at Albus who nodded slightly, signaling that he would conjure a shield if Severus lashed out at them.

“You do not want to do that, Severus. Please put down your wand lie down on the bed,” Albus said firmly.

"Leave me alone," Severus spat, narrowing his eyes at the old man. He slowly backed towards the door, only to find it locked and warded. "Let me out,” he nearly whispered. His voice was low and menacing, his eyes wild and desperate. _Tom can’t see. I can’t let him see._

“I do not think that would be prudent, Severus. You are injured, my boy, and Tom needs to heal your cuts. Put down your wand, son," Dumbledore said in a far too placid tone.

Severus shook his head wildly. He only had one chance at this. “Immobulus!” he shouted, bolting for the floo as the spell streaked from his wand. Severus grabbed the floo powder and lunged into the fireplace, not processing the wandless shield Albus had raised to deflect his spell.

"Diagon Alley!" he shouted. Nothing happened. "Diagon Alley! Diagon Alley! D-Diagon Alley…” his voice faltered. “No! Why isn’t it working?" Severus whimpered, silent tears streaming from his eyes as he slumped defeatedly to the ground, back against the side wall in the fireplace. He was trapped.

"The floo is warded so that people can only leave the Safe Room if they have the password," Tom explained soothingly as he helped the softly crying and distraught young man from the fireplace. Albus gently pried the wand from Severus” grip and tucked it into his robe pocket.

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry - really sorry. I didn’t mean to jinx you. Please don’t be mad," Severus whispered in a small voice.

"Shhh... it’s alright, Severus. We’re not mad. We just need to heal your injuries before they get infected," Tom said, guiding the boy onto the bed. With a flick of his wand, he spelled off Severus’ shirt and trousers, leaving him in just his boxers. “Finite Incantatem.”

Severus closed his eyes, not wanting to see his mentor’s and guardian’s expressions as they took in the freshly made cuts that littered his forearm and thighs. "I’m sorry. I won’t cut again, I promise. Please don’t send me away,"  Severus pleaded. "Please, Tom," his choked sobs were barely audible, "don’t send me away to St. Mungo’s. I don’t want to be locked away. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again..."

“I will never send you away, Severus. I will always take care of you and protect you, including from yourself,” Tom told Severus soothingly. He had expected that Severus’ recovery would be a very bumpy road and that the boy would alternate between pushing him away and clinging. He was glad to see Severus letting himself be vulnerable again.

“You won’t send me off to St. Mungo’s?” Severus asked in a small, tearful voice.

“No, Severus, I won’t. We will be having a chat tomorrow, though," Tom said quietly, as he touched Severus’ hand and sent his magic to heal the cuts. Most were shallow wounds, but there were many of them, some older than others. Severus had managed to successfully hide his self-harm from Tom for at least two weeks, a rather difficult task to do. Tom had never had a patient powerful enough to dispel his standard warded monitoring charm before. Severus was certainly a very powerful wizard for his age.

At Tom’s gentle reprimands, Severus nodded ashamedly and lowered his head. He had messed up badly, and now Tom was disappointed in him. Albus probably was as well. Severus sniffled a little. He hated it when people were disappointed in him, even though he tried to hide it behind his sarcastic and cold demeanor. The young man felt Tom’s fingers under his chin, and his head was tilted up.

“I’m not mad at you, child, but I will be casting another monitoring charm on you. One keyed to my magical signature so that you will not be able to remove the charm again. You will also be grounded for a week for removing the charm, hiding your injuries, and lying to me about them,” Tom added.

Severus pouted at hearing he was grounded before his expression became vulnerable again. “But - but you promise you won’t send me away, right?"

Tom smiled sadly at his ward, gently stroking his sweaty hair. "I promise, Severus."

* * *

It was early the next morning when Severus tiptoed out of bed and opened the door, furtively scanning the infirmary for the intimidating mediwitch. Seeing no one, he slipped quietly from the Safe Room, casting a wary glance towards Poppy’s office as he padded softly towards the main door. The potions professor quickly slipped out the door, determined to be gone and warded safely in his personal chambers before the mediwitch returned and found him gone. He was just beginning to feel pleased with his success when he heard the tell-tale snap of a clipboard.

"Good morning, Severus,” a voice said curtly from behind him. Severus drew himself up and slowly turned around.

"Morning, Poppy," he muttered, unhappy at being caught. The mediwitch was glaring at him, clipboard in one hand and wand in the other. He noticed that she had his own wand thrust into the pocket of her apron, probably so that he would be less tempted to try and escape. _Like that would work._

"Back to bed, Severus, before I send you there myself," Poppy warned, waving her wand in his direction. He didn't have any doubt that she would, as she'd done just that on at least two other occasions. The embarrassment of being immobilized and then levitated back into the hospital wing was certainly not something he wished to repeat.

"Very well,” Severus grumbled, stalking back into the Safe Room. _Stupid, annoying healers. Always ruining my plans._ Once he'd crawled reluctantly back into the loathsome, ugly hospital bed, Poppy immediately started running diagnostics on him.

"Honestly, Severus, you should know better by now. You try to escape every time you're here, and never _once_ have you made it to the dungeons," Poppy huffed, waving her wand at him.

Severus crossed his arms and pouted. "I made it to the stairs once,” he sulked defensively.

“You are impossible, Severus Snape!” the mediwitch scolded. “Just because Tom deactivated the Safe Room wards this morning doesn’t mean you are free to leave whenever you’d like. I know for a fact that he told you to remain in the infirmary until I discharged you.”

“Okay, Poppy. Can I be discharged then? I’m fine now,” Severus pleaded.

“You will be discharged after you eat some breakfast. Mipsy!” she called. A house elf appeared and looked at her expectantly. “I need a bowl of porridge and fruit, please.”

“Of course, Mistress Poppy.” Mipsy snapped her fingers, and a moment later, a tray of food appeared at Severus’ bedside.

“Alright, Severus. Open up. You have to take your nutrient potion and appetite stimulant,” Poppy said, holding out the vials.

Severus shook his head, sullenly pushing her hand away. “I don’t want them, Poppy.”

The mediwitch’s eyes narrowed. “It is not an option, young man. Tom says you need them, and I certainly agree, given that you are still severely underweight. You will take them, now,” she said sternly.

Severus glared at her. “No, I won’t. You can’t make me take them,” he said stubbornly.

Poppy raised an eyebrow. “Very well.”

Severus smirked, thinking he had won, when suddenly he felt his pants slide down to his ankles. “Poppy!” he gasped in mortification, pure horror written all over his face. Even though the bed sheet was covering everything, he immediately grabbed his pants and tried to pull them up again, only to find that they would not move.

“There is more than one way to get potions into your bloodstream, Severus, although most people prefer taking them orally compared to a shot in the buttocks,” the mediwitch said calmly.

Blushing a bright red, Severus quickly covered his front with his hands. “Please, Poppy, remove the spell. I’ll take the potions without complaining,” he pleaded.

"That was my last warning, Severus. Do we have an understanding?" Poppy threatened, waving her wand in front of his face.

"Yes, I'll do whatever you say Poppy, I promise!" Severus said, frantically nodding his head.

“Very well. I’ll remove the spell as soon you drink your potions,” the mediwitch said. Severus quickly took the vials from her and downed the potions, relieved when she waved her wand and his pants slid back into place. “Thank you, Severus. Now, eat your breakfast, and then I’ll discharge you.”

Severus groaned but obediently sat up and started on his porridge. _Damn Slytherin healers._

* * *

The young man squirmed in his seat at the expectant look his healer was giving him. “Do we have to talk about it?” Severus whined childishly. He glanced out the window, scowling at the pouring rain and sounds of thunder. He hated thunderstorms.

“I’m afraid we do, Severus. It is important to discuss why you self-harmed so that we can work through what triggered you. Will you tell me why you secretly removed the monitoring charm instead of talking with me?” Tom asked calmly.

Severus stared at his lap. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I knew I’d feel the urge to cut, and I didn’t want you to know if I was too weak to resist it,” he mumbled.

Tom sighed. He had been hoping that that wasn’t the case, but it appeared it was. “Severus, I placed the monitoring charm on you so that I would be alerted if you self-harmed and able to heal your injuries. Its purpose is for your safety, and your safety only. I will not be disappointed in you if it goes off because I understand how difficult it is to conquer the urge to self-harm. Recovery takes time, and I certainly don’t expect you to be perfect and able to quit immediately.”

The potions master looked at him in confusion. “So you wouldn’t have been mad if you’d caught me self-harming? It would have been okay?”

“I wouldn’t say it would be okay, Severus. I would have stopped you from harming yourself, taken you to the Safe Room, and healed you, just like I did yesterday. However, I wouldn’t be angry or disappointed in you for cutting. I understand it is practically an addiction at this point, and I will not blame you for something that is not completely under your control. I will always require a therapy session afterwards to discuss what triggered your self-harm, though,” Tom explained.

Severus averted his eyes, feeling a little ashamed. _Oh, I see._ “I’m sorry for removing the monitoring charm and lying about it,” he apologized. “I should have realized that you just wanted to help me and make sure my injuries didn’t get infected.”

“I only want what is best for your well-being, Severus. All of my actions are aimed at helping you recover and learn how to use additional coping mechanisms, whether it be meditation, stress balls, writing, or talk therapy.” Severus nodded silently. “Why don’t you tell me what triggered you to self-harm last night? From what I heard from Albus and Minerva, you all had an enjoyable evening, and then you left to buy some potions ingredients,” Tom prompted.

Severus sighed. There was no point in trying to avoid the topic. Tom would just keep asking questions until he found out the truth. “I found the ingredient that could have saved Lily’s life.”

Tom’s eyes widened in surprise. “So, you have a solid idea of how to create the cure now?”

The potions master nodded. “Yes, I have a general idea of the procedure to create the cure now. It’s just…” Severus bit his lip.

“You’re happy that you’ve practically found the cure, but you’re upset that it wasn’t in time to save Lily,” Tom said softly.

Severus closed his eyes and clenched his fists. “It was just so damn simple, Tom. The solution was staring me in the face every time I went to a potions apothecary and saw bicorn horn. I just didn’t see it in time. I know we talked about how Lily’s death isn’t my fault, but it just kind of all crashed down on me when I realized the cure could have been created months ago,” Severus finished, his voice filled with sorrow and regret.

“I see. I am glad that you realize that Lily’s death was not your fault. The cure has eluded potions masters for centuries, so it is likely not quite as simple as you might think it is in hindsight. In terms of the timing of your discovery, well, often, we just can’t explain why certain things happen when they do. Time is a very mysterious being, and there’s a reason why people warn against meddling with time. However, now, within a few months, the cure for exitiale languorem will be created, and there will be dozens of wizards and witches who will survive and go on to live their lives,” Tom said quietly. “You have made an incredible discovery, Severus, and considering what I know about Lily, I think she would be very proud of you.”

Severus glanced out the window, noticing that the rainstorm had stopped, and the sun was peeking out. A rainbow was forming, spreading a beautiful arc of colors across the sky. A small smile crept across his face. “I think she would be, too,” he whispered softly. “Thanks, Lily.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter includes a scene of sexual assault/harassment.

The replacement potions professor was a disgusting, repulsive bastard, Severus decided. Jackson Richards had only started teaching two weeks ago, but Severus could already tell that something was off about the man. Richards seemed particularly interested in him, always “accidentally” brushing against him or standing too close during staff meetings. Severus had made it quite clear that Richards’ advances were unwelcome, even going so far as to hex him, but that had only seemed to encourage the man.

The potions master sighed, waving his wand to clean up the lab after another experimentation session working on the cure. He could tell he was getting close. A few more weeks of brewing and the cure would likely be finished. If only Richards would leave him alone, then everything would finally be coming together in his life.

Severus was just getting ready to leave when the bastard himself waltzed into the classroom, a grin on his face. “How lovely to see you, Severus,” Richards purred, reaching out a hand to run down Severus’ arm.

Severus jerked his arm out of reach. “Fuck off, Richards. Don’t touch me,” he snarled. He tried to get around the man but was blocked.

“Now, now, Severus. I’m only being friendly to my colleague. There’s no reason to be so rude,” Richards replied mockingly, stepping closer so that his face was right in front of Severus’.

The potions master withheld a shudder, using all of his willpower to not move away. He would not be intimidated by the bastard! “Kindly step away from me, or I shall be forced to help you,” Severus whispered dangerously, his hand reaching for his wand.

Richards laughed, suddenly yanking Severus’ wrists above his head and pinning him against the wall. “I think I rather like you like this,” he murmured lecherously.

Severus panicked, his breathing started to quicken. It was too much like before, when he was young and Father used to come into his room and… He shook his head desperately, trying to shake off the memories of his past. “Please, don’t,” Severus begged, paralyzed with fear. The other man chuckled darkly with amusement, his hand trailing down Severus’ chest towards his pants.

The young man could only close his eyes and pray that Richards would leave him alone. He tried to force himself to fight back, but his body felt frozen. He was helpless against Richard’s advances, just as he’d been against Father. He whimpered as Richards’ hand came closer to his nether regions, tears sliding down his cheeks.

There was the sudden sound of the tower bell, and the hands reluctantly withdrew. “Ah, it looks like I must prepare for my next class. Until next time, Severus,” Richards whispered into his ear.

Severus stood frozen in place, tearful eyes still clenched tightly shut until he heard the door slam. Only then did he bolt for the safety of his quarters.

The young man threw himself onto the couch, sobbing hysterically. He was always too weak to stand up for himself. Too weak, too useless, too disgusting. He wanted his knife, needed his knife. But if he cut, Tom and Albus would know, and he didn’t want to talk to them. What else was there, damn it!? His desperate eyes landed on the glass wall cabinet across the room. Alcohol. He had alcohol.

Opening the liquor cabinet, Severus took out a large bottle of firewhiskey, uncorking it with shaking hands. Desperately gulping down alcohol, he didn’t stop until his thoughts were starting to become hazy. Returning to the couch, he raised the bottle and continued drinking. Ah, yes, this was much better.

A short amount of time passed, and soon he could hardly even remember what had upset him in the first place - something about another professor? It didn’t matter now. All that mattered was that his worries were gone. Nothing could bother him now.

Severus lifted the firewhiskey bottle to his lips, staring at it in surprise when nothing came out. It was somehow already empty, even though he’d only had a few sips. Huh, how strange. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he could have sworn the bottle had been at least half full the last time he’d checked, maybe 10 minutes ago? With that, the bottle gently slipped from his hands and he passed out.

* * *

Severus groaned when a knock at the door awakened him a few hours later. His head was throbbing with a killer headache, and he wasn’t sure if he had any more hangover relief potions left in his stocks. “Just a minute,” he grumbled when the knock came again. Stumbling to his feet, the young professor cursed as his stomach heaved, and he threw up all over the floor. Cleaning it up with a wave of his wand, he summoned a glass of water and took a few sips. _Ahh, cool, refreshing water._ Trying to ignore his pounding head, he shuffled over to the door. "To what do I owe the pleasure, Headmaster?” Severus drawled sarcastically, wincing at the bright colors of Albus’ robes.

“Good afternoon, Severus. You missed the staff meeting this afternoon, so I wanted to check up on you,” Albus said, observing the young man in front of him. The boy’s movements were a bit stiff, guarded; his eyes darker and more closed-off than normal. His eyes widened in realization when the boy reached a hand up to rub his temple. “Severus Tobias Snape, are you drunk?” he demanded sternly.

“Ahh, Dad, don’t talk so loudly,” the young man groaned.

Albus frowned in disapproval. “Do you have any hangover relief potions?” Severus shook his head, wincing as he did. “Very well. Then follow me to the hospital wing. I’m sure Poppy has some in stock.”

“I don’t wanna go to the hospital wing,” Severus whined, clearly still feeling the effects of the alcohol.

Albus looked sternly into Severus's eyes. "Now, mister. And after you take the potion, you and I are going to have a long talk about your alcohol consumption and the consequences of it.”

Severus looked like he was about to argue but Albus dealt with that the same way he had always dealt with the stubborn man. "I will count to three..." That technique always seemed to work, even though Severus was fully grown.

"I..." Severus looked close to pouting, and Albus gave him a reprimanding look.

"Now, Severus Tobias. One." To his relief, the young man reluctantly trudged over to the floo and stepped in, Albus following closely behind.

“Poppy, my dear, do you happen to have any hangover potions? Severus here is in desperate need of one,” Albus asked when he spotted the mediwitch.

“In the middle of the afternoon? Really, Severus,” Poppy said, shaking her head in disapproval but handing him the potion nevertheless.

Severus gratefully took it, sighing in relief when his headache cleared and he could think clearly again. His relief was short lived when he caught the stern look that Albus was giving him.

“To my office, Severus,” the headmaster said shortly. “Thank you, Poppy.”

“Thanks, Poppy,” Severus mumbled, following miserably behind his boss. He was going to be in so much trouble. He was just thankful that Tom was out of the country for a healer’s conference or else he would definitely be in for a grounding. 

“Sit down, Severus,” Albus said quietly when they reached his office. “Care to tell me why were drunk during the middle of the day, young man?”

Severus sneered, trying to hide the shame he felt. He knew that using alcohol to solve his problems was unhealthy and wouldn’t do anything in the long run, but he didn’t feel like being scolded. “I am an adult, Albus. It is none of your business,” he said stiffly.

“Severus, I am concerned about you. What triggered you to drink yourself into oblivion? You know that drinking is not a healthy coping mechanism for whatever is bothering you. Talk to me, child,” Albus said, trying to coax the boy into telling the truth before having to discipline him.

"Fuck off, Albus!" Severus snarled. Damn it. Had he really said that aloud? If Albus' angry expression was anything to go by, he had. He quickly got up and made a break for the door, only to have it slam shut before he made it out. Severus turned around apprehensively, seeing that the headmaster stood with his wand extended towards the door.

He started to say something, but Albus held up a hand to quiet him. “Sit. Down. Now. You do not speak to me like that, young man.”

Albus had not taken that tone with him in quite a while, and Severus had forgotten just how authoritative the older wizard could sound without raising his voice. He snapped his mouth shut and sat back down. “Now, Tom has asked me to keep an eye on you while he is away, and that includes discipline,” the headmaster continued. Severus’ squirmed nervously. He definitely did not like the direction that this was going. “As such, there will be a consequence for your reckless consumption of alcohol during the hours while you were responsible for students as the Slytherin Head of House,” Albus said sternly. “However, before we discuss your punishment, I would like you to talk to me about why you felt the sudden need to drink yourself into a stupor.”

Severus froze. He did _not_ want to talk about. "Discussing it won't help me," he replied coldly. "I've more important things to be doing than to sit here whining about my issues. If that'll be all?" He stood and turned to leave, hoping to escape before his punishment.

"We are not yet finished here, I'm afraid." Severus turned back, ready to argue with the old man, but stopped when he saw the warning in his mentor’s eyes. “There is still the matter of your punishment,” Albus said.

Severus glanced apprehensively at the older man. “A-Are you going to ground me?” he asked hesitantly.

Albus sighed. “No, Severus. I am not. However, you have early bedtimes for three days. I will also be monitoring your alcohol consumption, and if an instance like this happens again, our next meeting will involve Tom and Minerva. It is not acceptable for any staff or faculty member at this school to become inebriated while they are on duty, is that understood?” the headmaster lectured.

“Yes, sir,” Severus mumbled, staring at his lap. He knew that he shouldn’t have gotten drunk while on duty. If any of the students had seen him, Albus could have gotten in a lot of trouble, and Hogwarts’ reputation might have been damaged. “Can I go now?”

"In a moment, Severus," Albus said, holding up a hand. Severus sighed, but remained seated. "Tell me the truth, Severus. What’s wrong?" the headmaster coaxed gently, trying not to overly pressure the potions master into revealing something he was reluctant to say. Attempting to force Severus to open up usually only ended with a sarcastic retort and a door slam in the face.

“I’m fine!” Severus growled after a moment of silence.

Albus sighed. Apparently, taking the passive route would not convince the young man to reveal anything this time. "Severus, my dear boy, I have learned from many years that you, saying ‘I’m fine', is when I am supposed to press for more information. Is someone hurting you or threatening you?” he persisted.

Severus paled slightly, something that did not go unnoticed by his mentor. “No, I’m fine Albus,” the young man lied. He could tell that Albus didn’t believe him, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell the man. It was too embarrassing. And he deserved it for being so weak and useless, anyway. That’s what Father had always told him when he’d cried and begged him to stop. It was his own fault that he was such a freak and that the only good use for him was his body. Worthless freaks deserved to be used, and he was a worthless freak.

Albus frowned worriedly as he saw a display of emotions flash across the young man’s face. They quickly disappeared behind a well-practiced impassive mask, but the self-loathing in them had been evident.

“May I go, please?” Severus whispered again.

Albus finally conceded, watching in concern as the boy practically fled the room. Someone was threatening Severus, and even if the boy continued to deny it, Albus Dumbledore was not going to let it go. No one was allowed to hurt his child, and anyone who did would live to regret it.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of sexual assault as well as implied/referenced childhood sexual abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

Severus stifled a yawn as the head of house meeting finished up. He was exhausted from his last potions experimentation session, although he was making significant progress. The potions master was certain that the cure was almost finished and ready to be sent to St. Mungo’s for testing. If only that repulsive bastard wasn’t still harassing him, he might actually be happy with his life. Severus winced as his wrist gave a light throb. Richards had once again accosted him last week, and he hadn’t had time to heal the injury himself with all of his brewing. And there was no way he would willingly go to the hospital wing if he could avoid it.

“Does anyone have any last comments? Severus? You’ve been rather quiet today.”

Severus shook his head. “No, Headmaster. No comments,” he said, moving to stand up.

“Severus, what is that on your wrist?” Minerva said suddenly, grabbing his arm where his robe sleeve had slipped up.

Severus silently cursed. His wrist was visibly bruised from when he had fought against Richard’s most recent assault.

"Are you injured, my boy?" Albus asked, standing up to assess the young man before him.

Severus nervously shuffled his feet. "I am fine Albus. You need not concern yourself. I am more than capable of taking care of my own wellbeing.”

“Let me see your wrist, child. How did you get this?”

Severus dropped his gaze, blinking back tears as he recalled his latest encounter with Richards. He had been patrolling the hallways during his night shift when Richards had pounced on him and shoved him against the wall.

_“Let me go!” Severus struggled fiercely but in vain, as the older wizard easily overpowered his underweight frame. Richards laughed darkly, sliding a hand into the open folds of the young professor’s heavy, dark robes. Severus whimpered, struggling to free his hands from the steel grip in which they were held, pinned above his head._

_“Having fun yet, Severus?” Richards chuckled darkly, his hand roving beneath his shirt and against the skin of his chest and stomach._

_Severus shook his head desperately, helpless tears coming to his eyes as Richards’ hand slipped lower. “Please, stop! Why are you doing this?” he pleaded._

_“Because you deserve it, slut,” Richards hissed viciously. He froze at the sudden sound of muffled whispers and approaching footsteps._

_“Keep it down! We don’t want to get caught,” a voice whispered from around the corner._

_Richards immediately let go of Severus and stepped away, giving him a leering glance. “A shame we keep getting interrupted, Severus. Until next time,” he whispered into his ear, striding away._

Severus shuddered at the memory. He had immediately fled to his quarters, not even bothering to confront the errant students.

“It was just a lab accident, Albus,” he said finally, not making eye contact. “N-Nothing to worry about.”

Albus eyed him carefully, having caught the waver in his voice, before turning to the other three heads of houses. “Thank you for coming. We will meet again for a staff meeting in a few weeks.” Severus began to leave through the office door but was stopped by the headmaster’s voice.

“As for you, young man.” Severus slowly turned again, averting his eyes from everyone. "You will head to the hospital wing immediately for your injury. We will talk about other things after Poppy heals your wrist,” he said sternly but with care.

Severus nodded shortly before turning on his heel. He had absolutely no intention of going to Poppy. He would put a bruise salve on and take a pain potion, and then he’d be as good as new. Unfortunately for Severus, Minerva was close behind and soon caught up to him.

“Severus, what is wrong?” the Deputy Headmistress inquired.

Severus determinedly avoided her concerned gaze. “I am fine, Minerva.”

“Like hell you are, young man. You were my student only a few years ago. I can tell when something is wrong.”

Severus shifted nervously. “Nothing is wrong. Will you let me go now? I can make it to the hospital wing by myself.”

Minerva snorted. “While I am sure that you can physically make it the hospital wing alone, I highly doubt that you were planning to go unless someone accompanied you to ensure your compliance. And besides, I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me what is bothering you. Is it Richards? I’ve noticed you seem uncomfortable around him. You’ve been acting a bit differently ever since he joined the staff. You do remember that you don’t have to worry about him taking your position?”

Severus stayed silent. While Minerva wasn’t wrong about Richards making him uncomfortable, she certainly wasn’t correct about why. But her conclusion would work perfectly as a cover. He couldn’t bear the shame and humiliation if she knew that he was too weak and worthless to protect himself from a bastard like Richards. Besides, he deserved it, that’s what Father had always said. He was a useless, disgusting, weak little freak whose only purpose was to be used by his betters. _But Father was wrong about a lot of things. Tom said he was wrong to say things like that about me,_ a small voice whispered in his head. Severus shook off his thoughts. “Yes, I know I don’t have to worry about Richards taking my position. Thank you for the reassurance, Minerva,” Severus said curtly.

They reached the infirmary, and Minerva watched with pursed lips as the young man gave a deep sigh and entered the hospital wing where he was immediately met by Poppy and ushered onto a bed. Something was wrong with her surrogate son, and she was going to get to the bottom of it. Maybe she would have Severus over for tea later in the week to see if the child would open up to her then. After all, _no one_ was allowed to hurt her Sevvy. And anyone who did would deeply regret it.

* * *

Severus carefully stirred his potion counterclockwise twelve times, breathing a sigh of relief and joy when it turned a shade of pale blue. He had finally finished his work on the cure, and now all he needed to do was submit the required number of vials to St. Mungo’s for testing. The young potions master gave a rare smile. After many months of hard work and frustration, he had finally invented the cure to what had killed Lily. He hoped that she would be proud of him.  

Humming happily to himself, Severus decanted the potion and organized the vials for floo delivery to St. Mungo’s. If testing was successful, he would be able to write up a report and submit it to _Potions from the Newest Masters_ , just in time for their final submission date. A publication in such a high-profile journal would also mean an invitation to the Potions Guild of Britain, a prestigious organization that only recruited the most brilliant potions masters. Joining the Potions Guild was every potion master’s life goal, and if Severus were accepted at the tender age of nineteen, it would truly authenticate his title as Europe’s youngest, most accomplished potions master.

Glancing at the time, Severus cleaned up his lab and pulled on a new robe. Minerva had invited him for tea and biscuits, and he knew better than to make her wait lest she come and hunt him down. Besides, he was looking forward to sharing the great news with his long-time mentor and surrogate mother figure. Locking his quarters, Severus headed down the corridors towards her office. Nothing could ruin his good mood now.

That was his last thought before he heard the sound of a whispered spell from behind. Then his world turned black.

* * *

Severus blearily opened his eyes with a groan. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was heading to Minerva’s office for tea when someone had apparently stunned him. Severus paled as his eyes fell on the person standing before him. “You!” he gasped, fear clearly in his voice as he scrambled to his feet and reached for his wand, only to find it missing.

“Yes, me,” Richards drawled lazily. “Up against the wall. Hands above your head,” he ordered, pointing his wand at the younger man.

Severus slowly obeyed, trying to keep from trembling as Richards sauntered up to him. “Please don’t,” he whispered, closing his eyes.

“Shut up. This time, I’m going to finish what I’ve been interrupted from far too many times,” Richards whispered cruelly, his hand ripping through Severus’ shirt. He smirked as the buttons scattered across the floor.

Severus was filled with cold dread as his chest was bared, and Richards’ hand trailed across his torso. The claustrophobic weight of Richards’ body pressed against his, trapping him against the wall, made him feel sick. Severus whimpered. He couldn’t do this again. Mustering all of his courage, he reached down to shove Richards away. “Stop it!”

Richards’ eyes narrowed and fast as lightning, he grabbed Severus’ arm and harshly twisted it behind his back, causing the young man to cry out in pain. “I said, shut up,” Richards seethed, magically binding his wrists together.

Severus struggled weakly against the man, but Richards whirled him around and threw him violently against the wall. Severus bit his lip to muffle a shout of agony.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t want it,” Richards mocked, gripping the back of Severus’ neck and viciously shoving his face into the wall. His other hand smacked Severus’ arse before cruelly groping it.

Severus felt tears dripping down his face. It was going to happen, and there was nothing he could do about it. Just like Father always said. He was a weak, worthless little freak whose only use was his body. “No, no, no,” Severus mumbled to himself, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to convince himself it was just a nightmare.

Richards laughed at the helpless young man before him, reaching with his free hand to unbuckle Severus’ belt. “Enjoying yourself yet, whore?” he murmured, shoving the young professor’s trousers and pants down to his ankles.

Severus sobbed against the wall as he was stripped of his clothing. Richards had finally caught him and was now going to use him like the worthless whore that Father had always said he was.

“What a slut,” Richards whispered into Severus’ ear, his hand fondling the younger man’s naked arse.

Severus cried helplessly as the man continued his assault. He could only pray that it would be over soon.

* * *

Minerva glanced at her watch and frowned. It was already twenty minutes past when Severus was supposed to meet her for tea and biscuits. It wasn’t like the younger man to be so late to a meeting without sending a patronus, unless he was injured or hurting himself. Worriedly standing up, the transfiguration professor left her office, determined to find her young colleague.

Severus had said that he was extremely close to finishing his potion, so the boy had likely become caught up in his brewing. Heading towards the dungeons, Minerva paused when she heard a sharp cry coming from a classroom before it was quickly silenced. Her eyes narrowed and she cautiously took out her wand, her instincts telling her that something was gravely wrong. Quietly unlocking the door, the deputy headmistress crept into the room.

Her jaw dropped in horror at the scene before her. “You sick bastard!” she shrieked, shouting out a stunning spell.

Richards whirled around, whipping out his own wand and barely shielding the spell in time. “What are you doing?” he shouted, sending his own spell back.

“What I am doing? What are you doing, you vile creature!? How dare you touch Severus!” Minerva yelled, throwing a barrage of curses and jinxes at the man.

“The little whore was asking it! It’s not my fault that Snape is such a slut,” Richards panted, desperately shielding against the fury of the enraged witch.

Minerva’s eyes practically glowed with rage. “Secare castratus,” she whispered dangerously. Richards howled as the spell shattered his shield and struck him. He fell to the floor in agony, clutching his crotch and wailing. “Never. Touch. My. Son. Again,” Minerva spat viciously, sending a binding spell at the man. “Stupefy,” she muttered a moment later.

As soon as Richards was bound and unconscious, Minerva immediately turned her attention to Severus. The young man hadn’t moved from his position against the wall, as if he were afraid to turn around. “Sev, darling? Can you hear me?” the transfiguration professor asked softly. She lightly touched his shoulder, not wanting to scare him.

“Please! Please, don’t! No more,” Severus begged, weakly struggling against his bonds. “Please, Father. I’ll be good. I promise!”

Minerva felt her heart break at the sound of her surrogate son’s pleas. “It’s alright, Severus. It’s me, Minerva. Your father can’t hurt you anymore,” she murmured, trying to coax Severus out of his flashback. Gently, she unbound his hands and replaced his clothing before guiding him away from the wall so that he was facing her. Severus’ head was lowered, his greasy hair falling across his face and hiding his facial expression. “Are you with me, child?” she whispered, lifting his chin up.

“M-Minerva?” Severus whimpered brokenly.

“Yes, darling. It’s Minerva. You’re safe now. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, child,” the older woman soothed.

Severus took a shaky step forward before letting himself crumple into his mentor’s arms. Tears started flowing as she enfolded him in a strong embrace and guided his head to rest against her shoulder. “H-He attacked… I couldn’t fight… wouldn’t stop,” the young man sobbed hysterically.

“Shh… I know, darling. It wasn’t your fault. We’re going to take care of you now,” Minerva murmured, sending out her patronus to Albus and Tom. Within minutes, both wizards showed up, looking extremely confused at the sight of Richards lying stunned and bound but even more concerned by the tears streaming down both Minerva and Severus’ faces. “Help me get Severus to the infirmary,” Minerva silently mouthed. Both men quickly obeyed, and soon they were on their way.

As soon as they entered the hospital wing, Poppy hurried over and immediately directed her colleague to place Severus on the bed in the Safe Room. Minerva gently laid him down and was turning to speak with the mediwitch when a tug on her hand caught her attention.

“P-Please, don’t leave,” Severus whimpered, his eyes filled with tears.

“Don’t worry, Severus. I’m not going to leave you,” Minerva reassured him, conjuring a chair beside his bed and letting him grasp her hand.

“Promise?” Severus whispered fearfully.

“I promise, Sev. You’re safe now, child,” Minerva said, stroking his hair.

Poppy, having ascertained Severus’ condition with a quick diagnostic spell, summoned a dreamless sleep potion and handed it to Minerva with a nod towards Severus.

Minerva took it and held it up. “Severus, can you drink this potion for me? It’s dreamless sleep.” Receiving a shaky nod, she held it to his mouth and watched as he obediently swallowed. “Good boy, Severus. Go to sleep now, child.” A minute later, Severus’ eyes closed, and his breathing evened out.

“Minerva, what in Merlin’s name happened?” Albus asked as soon as Severus had fallen asleep.

“Oh god, Albus. Richards… I almost killed him when I saw what he was doing!” Minerva cried.

“What did he do, Min?” Albus asked worriedly, placing an arm around her shaking shoulders.

“The bastard had Severus bound and stripped and was assaulting him!” Minerva choked out. Everyone gasped in horror.

“How _dare_ he touch Severus,” Albus growled, his magic flaring dangerously. A breeze ran through the infirmary, and the windows started rattling.

“Control yourself, Albus,” Tom said sternly. He was just as upset by the news, but he was unfortunately used to dealing with cases like these. He knew how important it was to keep a calm and rational head. “I will call the aurors to deal with Richards,” he said, rising to floo-call the Ministry.

Albus took a deep, calming breath. “Has Severus suffered any serious physical harm, Poppy?” he asked, looking over to where the mediwitch was busy treating her patient.

Poppy shook her head. “Fortunately, there is no permanent physical damage. His shoulder was dislocated, and he has significant bruising around his wrists and hips, but the healing paste I’ve applied should cause them to fade within a few hours,” she said quietly. “Oh, Minerva, I know it goes against my healer’s oath to want to cause harm to others, but did you manage to hit that bastard with any good curses?” Poppy asked hopefully.

Minerva smirked through her tears. “I did manage to hit him with the castration curse. I doubt he’ll ever function properly down there again.”

“Well, I’m glad you made him pay, Minerva,” the mediwitch responded vehemently.

Albus shuddered upon hearing what spell had been used but managed a weak smile. “I’m just thankful that you caught Richards and stopped him from hurting Severus even more.”

Poppy nodded. “Severus will be alright, at least physically,” she told her two colleagues. “I’ll want to keep a careful eye on him for the next twenty-four hours in case he has a relapse and goes into shock, but if he avoids that, I’ll feel comfortable releasing him to Tom.”

* * *

Severus’ eyelids fluttered open. He groaned upon seeing the familiar white walls and sheets. He was back in the hospital wing. Again. There was the sound of approaching footsteps and Severus quickly closed his eyes, feigning sleep. Maybe if he pretended to be sleeping, he wouldn’t have to talk about what had happened. He inwardly cursed as a gentle tingle covered his body. _Damn diagnostic spell._

“I know you’re awake, Severus. I’ve taken care of you since you were eleven years old. Open your eyes,” Poppy said, brushing his hair out of his face.

Severus took a deep breath, forcefully shoving his memories of Richards behind his mental shields. Once he was sure his emotions were tightly locked away, he opened his eyes, propping himself up on his elbows. “Can I leave now?” he asked hopefully, attempting to get out of bed.

“You will not leave that bed without my approval, young man. I won’t hesitate to stick you to the bed if you do,” Poppy warned, crossing her arms.

“Why can’t I go back to my quarters? Tom’s a healer,” Severus practically whined.

Poppy sighed. “You are under my watch for another 6 hours. After that, the decision lies with Tom. Right now, I want you to eat before you go back to sleep.”

Severus groaned but reluctantly sat up when Poppy placed a tray on his lap. Under the watchful eye of the mediwitch, he grudgingly nibbled on a piece of buttered toast. Poppy had lectured him numerous times on his poor eating habits, and he did not want another session with mother hen. “Are you just going to sit there and watch me eat?” he grumbled, stabbing a piece of fruit with his fork.

“Since you have demonstrated that you have a tendency to vanish your food, I will be supervising you until you eat an acceptable amount,” Poppy responded sternly.

Severus grumbled some more but reluctantly continued eating. He managed to finish the toast and eat half of the fruit and scrambled eggs before putting his fork down. He looked at Poppy with a pleading expression; he couldn’t stomach any more.

“Good work, Severus. Now drink your nutrient potion,” Poppy reminded him. The young man muttered under his breath but wisely did as he was told. “Thank you. And here’s your dreamless sleep,” she said, handing him a vial.  

Severus scowled. “Poppy, I can sleep on my own. I’m not a child,” he said snappishly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I do not want you having nightmares, Severus. I am well aware of your tendency to shove your emotions behind your occlumency shields, but your shields are weaker when you sleep. Now drink.” Before he could react, she reached up and pinched his nose shut. “Open up, young man,” she ordered.

Severus scowled, but compliantly opened his mouth. Poppy nodded and released his nose, pressing the vial against his lips. Severus quickly gulped it down before glowering at her. “I am more than capable of drinking my own damn potion!” he spat.

“You’re also more than capable of using wandless magic to vanish your potions and make it look as if you’ve drank them, as you tried to do multiple times when you were younger,” Poppy replied matter-of-factly. “Now sleep, child.”

Severus pouted but settled back down into his pillows as a sudden wave of drowsiness washed over him. With a sigh, Severus closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Albus was on his way to the hospital wing when he noticed Minerva heading in the same direction. “Visiting Severus as well, Minerva?”

The deputy headmistress nodded. “Of course. Poppy just sent a patronus that the dreamless sleep she gave him should be wearing off very soon. I want to be there for him when he wakes up,” she responded.

They reached the hospital wing and walked in, spotting Poppy who was just leaving the Safe Room. “Is everything alright, Poppy?” Albus asked.

The mediwitch looked up, sighing in relief when she saw who had come to visit. “Oh, I’m glad you’re both here. I’m afraid Severus is rather upset right now. It seems that his memories of yesterday are hitting him all at once, so I gave him a calming draught and said that you’d both be right in. I’m sure he would appreciate some comfort from you two.”

Albus and Minerva quickly hurried to the Safe Room, opening the door worriedly. The scene before them made their hearts sink. Severus was sitting on the bed, trembling violently. His legs were drawn up and his arms wrapped tightly around his knees.

“Oh, Severus,” Minerva whispered before rushing over and enveloping Severus in a hug.

Severus sniffled. “I-I’m sorry,” the young man whispered. “I’m making a big fuss out of nothing. Don’t worry about me. I’m just being stupid.”

“Oh, Severus, you are not being stupid in any way. You’ve just been through a traumatic experience. You have every right to be upset,” Albus said, gathering the two of them into a hug.

“This is quite unnecessary,” Severus protested weakly, although he didn’t even try to pull himself free of his mentors’ embrace.

“I think it is necessary, child.” Minerva guided his head to rest against her shoulder and rocked him gently. After a moment, she felt the young professor give in to tears.

“It was my fault what happened. I don’t deserve your sympathy,” Severus cried, his tears becoming more desperate as Albus rubbed soothing circles in his back.

“No, Severus. What happened to you was wrong. It was not anyone’s fault but Richards. You are the victim in this situation. You are not in any way responsible for that bastard’s attack on you,” Minerva said firmly.

“B-But he said I was asking for it by not fighting back. I deserved it for being a worthless w-whore, just like Father always said,” the young man stuttered.

Minerva and Albus exchanged glances. It was clear that their child’s trauma was caused by more than just this one incident with Richards, but both knew that neither of them were qualified to help guide Severus through those experiences. That would be left for Tom. For now, they could only do their best to convince Severus that he wasn’t to blame.

“Both Richards and your father were very wrong, Severus. You did not give your consent, regardless of whether or not you tried to fight back. It does not matter what the circumstances were. And you are most certainly not worthless in any possible way,” Albus lectured quietly. When the young man continued to shake his head in denial, the headmaster tried a different approach. “Severus, look at me.” He waited until a pair of watery dark eyes met his before continuing. “If Richards had assaulted another person, say myself, would you say that it was my fault for being attacked?” he asked softly.

“No, of course not!” Severus exclaimed, looking horrified. “You shouldn’t be blamed for what that bastard did!”

“Exactly, Sev. Just like you are not to blame for the despicable crimes committed against you,” Minerva said.

Severus’ expression was almost hopeful before it crumbled again. “But you’re not a worthless, dirty little freak like me. Father always said that I was a good-for-nothing whore whose only purpose was to be used,” the young man mumbled to himself.

Minerva felt a flash of fury surge through her at the thought of the childhood abuse that Tobias Snape had inflicted upon his son. Glancing up, she saw Albus looked just as enraged. Clamping down tightly on her emotions, so as not to frighten Severus, she sighed. This seemed like it would have to be a job for Tom, as their words didn’t seem to be getting through to the hurting young man.

Noticing that Severus was close to falling asleep in her arms, Minerva gently laid him down on the bed, pulling the covers up and tucking him in. “Your father was damn wrong, Severus,” she murmured. “Damn wrong.”

* * *

The next time Severus woke up, it was evening. He tried to climb out of bed, only to have gentle hands take his shoulders and push him back. “How are you doing, Severus?” Tom asked.

“I’m fine,” Severus said automatically, wanting to leave as soon as possible. Merlin, he hated being stuck in the hospital wing.

Tom raised an eyebrow. “I’ll ask again, and I would prefer not to hear that programmed response. How are you doing?”

Severus rolled his eyes. He was sure that Minerva and Albus had already told Tom what had happened that morning, and knowing his healer, the man would want to talk about it. “If you’re going to insist on interrogating me, can we at least leave this prison and go back to my quarters?” he asked sarcastically.

Tom smirked, glad to see that Severus was feeling well enough to snark at him. “Of course, Severus. Lead the way.”

Severus huffed in annoyance as he stalked through the door to his quarters. “Everything was fine before bloody fucking Richards showed up at Hogwarts,” Severus grumbled, throwing himself into an armchair. “I was doing better until _he_ came and ruined everything.”

“Not everything is ruined now, is it? Tell me, Severus, when is the last time you tried to self-harm?” Tom asked mildly.

The young man shrugged. “I don’t remember. It wasn’t recently - maybe three or four weeks ago?”

“Exactly. When we first started working together, you were attempting to harm yourself at least twice a week. You’ve made a lot of progress, Severus, and I hope you realize that.”

Severus bit his lip. “I-I suppose you’re right. I haven’t felt the need to cut myself recently, even with what’s been happening with Richards. I guess writing in the journal and doing meditation have helped me more than I thought,” he admitted grudgingly.

“I’m pleased to hear that. Narrative construction and mindfulness are certainly excellent life skills to have, regardless of the situation,” Tom responded.

They were silent for a few minutes before Severus spoke up. “I assume you want to talk about what happened with Richards?” he sighed.

“Minerva did mention being concerned about certain… beliefs you seem to hold about yourself that appear to stem from childhood,” Tom prompted lightly.  

“I-I know that my father was wrong about a lot of things. You’ve helped me realize that he was cruel and abusive, both physically and emotionally. It’s just… it’s sometimes hard to not believe that I’m worthless when that’s all he called me for sixteen years of my life,” Severus muttered.

“It’s natural for insecurities and doubts to sometimes overwhelm you, as long as you are able to recognize the truth and see past the distorted reality forced upon you by your father,” Tom replied gently.

Severus nodded. “When I’m able to think rationally about things, I know that almost everything my father told me wasn’t true. But emotionally, it’s harder. There’s still a part of me inside that is constantly insecure and needs reassurance,” he admitted.

“And that’s completely understandable, Severus. When Richards attacked you, did it bring past thoughts and emotions to the surface again?”

The young professor closed his eyes. “Yes, of course. Richards reminded me strongly of my father. It triggered a flashback and unwanted memories,” he said stiffly.

Tom nodded, preparing himself to ask the next question. “You said Richards reminded you of your father. Your father didn’t just abuse you physically and emotionally, did he?” the healer asked softly.

Severus clenched his fists briefly before relaxing the muscles. “No,” he finally whispered. “It- It was sexual as well. Father would come into my room when I was home for the summers and… h-he would… I-I could never stop him and…” he stopped, unable to finish the sentence.

“It’s alright, Severus. He can’t hurt you any longer,” Tom said soothingly.

“H– He would say that I d-deserved it for being a w-worthless whore,” Severus finally choked out. The young man started crying brokenly, and Tom brought an arm around his shaking shoulders. He let Severus lean against him and rubbed his back, whispering soothing words into his ear.

“It wasn’t just a one-time occurrence, then,” Tom murmured softly. Severus could only shake his head tearfully. “I’m so sorry that you had to experience that abuse, child. No one should ever have to live through that. And absolutely _no one_ ever deserves to be assaulted, Severus, no matter what lies your father told you.” The healer continued comforting the young man until he had calmed down and his tears had stopped. “You did not deserve to be abused. You did not deserve to be assaulted. It was not your fault, and you are not to blame,” Tom said seriously. “Do you understand?”

Severus slowly met Tom’s eyes and held his gaze, seeming to search for the truth in his words. After finding nothing but sincerity, he hesitantly nodded.

“Can you say it for me, Severus?”

Severus took a deep breath and once again met Tom’s eyes. “I-I did not deserve to - to be assaulted. It was not my fault,” he whispered.

Tom smiled caringly. “That’s right. I’m very proud of you, Severus.”

Severus ducked his head in embarrassment, and Tom chuckled. “There’s no need to be embarrassed, child. Now, if you are feeling up to it, I would like to introduce an exercise that is designed to help you internalize and embrace your positive attributes and accomplishments. Would you like to try it?” he asked cheerfully.

“I suppose… if you really think it’ll help,” Severus responded doubtfully.

“Fantastic,” Tom said, not at all phased by Severus’ apparent lack of enthusiasm. “Here is a piece of parchment and a quill. I want you to write down a list of ten things that you’re proud of or that you like about yourself.”

Severus rolled his eyes but willingly dipped his quill into the ink and started writing.

  1. I’m proud that I achieved my mastery and became the youngest potions master in over a century.
  2. I’m proud that I finally created the cure for the disease that took so many lives, including Lily’s.
  3. I’m proud that…



Tom watched with satisfaction as the young man beside him worked on the exercise. He was pleased to see that Severus didn’t seem to be struggling too much with coming up with positive attributes about himself. It seemed that despite the setbacks, the young man’s self-esteem had drastically improved since they had started working together again. The healer was well aware that his patient still had a long way to go, but he was definitely making progress.

Seeing that Severus was almost finished with his list, he flicked his wand, sending out two patronuses. “Severus, although this exercise was designed for you, I also invited a couple of your colleagues to participate as well.”

There was a knock on the door, and Albus and Minerva walked in. Severus watched with confusion as his two mentors sat down across from him. Minerva held a piece of parchment in her hand that she slid towards him. Glancing down, the young professor’s breath hitched in wonder. In front of him lay a long list titled, “Reasons Why We’re Proud of Severus.”

Severus swallowed hard before looking up to meet his mentors’ sincere gazes. “Thank you,” he said quietly. Both Minerva and Albus smiled fondly at the young man who they had come to care so deeply about.

“You no longer have to face the world alone, Severus,” Albus said quietly.

Minerva nodded in agreement. “No matter what, you’ll always have us.”

It was a promise.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Severus watched with anxious anticipation as the morning post arrived and owls flocked into the Great Hall. A letter dropped at his place, and he quickly snatched it up, opening it with shaking hands. Skimming the letter’s contents, the potions master let out a happy sigh of relief.

“Good news, Severus?” Minerva inquired curiously.

“Yes, it is. St. Mungo’s wrote to tell me that they have successfully tested my potion for exitiale languorem. It cured all of their trial participants,” Severus said, a rare grin on his face.

“Oh, Severus, that’s wonderful! I’m so proud of you,” Minerva exclaimed, giving him a quick hug. The young professor absentmindedly accepted it, too elated by his potion’s success to worry about maintaining his reputation as the feared dungeon bat.

“Congratulations, son!” Albus added, his eyes twinkling brightly. “You’ve certainly worked hard on that potion. Are you going to submit it to _Potions from the Newest Masters_?”

The young professor nodded, shoveling a last forkful of food into his mouth. “Yes. I still need to write up the report, though. May I please be excused to go work on it? The submission deadline is in just a few days, so I really need to get started.”

“Of course, Severus. I’m sure Tom will be thrilled to hear the news as well,” Albus said, glancing approvingly at the young man’s empty plate. He was pleased to notice that this was the fifth day in a row that Severus had finished his entire plate without complaint.

“I’ll tell Tom when I talk with him tonight,” Severus said, pushing back his chair and heading for his office. “Enjoy the rest of your breakfast,” he called.

Albus and Minerva exchanged an amused look as they watched the young man practically skip out of the Great Hall. It was wonderfully refreshing to see Severus finally acting like the youthful nineteen-year-old that he was.

“He’s much more carefree these days,” Minerva commented with a fond smile.

Albus nodded, happily popping a lemon drop into his mouth. “Indeed he is, Minerva.”

* * *

Severus sat hunched over his desk, working furiously on his potions report. He had already written the introduction and methods sections, and now he just had to write up the results and discussion. Glancing at the letter from St. Mungo’s, he carefully recorded the data analyses in his report. Severus was absolutely thrilled that all of the potion’s test trials had succeeded. St. Mungo’s had said that his creation would save thousands of lives, something that he had never even dreamed of accomplishing when he had first started his potions apprenticeship. It was unbelievable.

Hours later, Severus stood up and stretched, satisfied with his work. Stamping the envelope closed with the seal he’d received when he earned his mastery, he carefully wrote out the address. _Potions from the Newest Masters Submissions Committee._ Walking to the owlery, Severus felt a thrill of excitement rush through him as he looked one last time at the report that represented months of his work. This was it. Taking a deep breath, he approached one of the school owls and held out the report. “Take this to the magazine submissions committee in London, okay?” Hooting in reply, the owl clasped the envelope in its beak and flew into the air.

As he watched the owl begin its flight, Severus smiled, reflecting upon his own journey. He felt much lighter than he used to, no longer burdened with carrying wrongly placed guilt and blame. Richards and his father’s abuse of him had been a major hurdle in his recovery, but with Tom’s help, he had managed to work through his emotions regarding the past.

Severus smirked, remembering the day of Richards’ court case. The hearing had gone smoothly, and the Wizengamot had voted unanimously to sentence the bastard to twelve years in Azkaban. It had been both validating and reassuring for Severus to see his attacker justly punished for assaulting him. The court’s verdict, combined with his therapy sessions with Tom, had finally pushed Severus to realize that he was never at fault, neither with his father nor with Richards.

However, what had been amusing about that day was the absolutely terrified look that had appeared on Richards’ face as soon as he’d seen Minerva. The man had taken one look at her and turned ghastly pale, much to her amusement. Minerva had smirked at him in return and casually twirled her wand, resulting in Richards losing even more color and desperately attempting to shield his crotch. Severus still didn’t know what exactly the older witch had done to the man, as she had refused to tell him, but he had a pretty good idea, considering how Richards had reacted to her. The young professor shuddered, almost feeling sorry for the miserable bastard. Minerva McGonagall was certainly not someone to mess with.

Having returned to his quarters, Severus sat down at his desk and ordered some tea, his thoughts wandering back to his potion creation. Leaning back in his chair, he once again took out his most cherished photo of himself and his childhood best friend. “I finally did it, Lily,” he said softly. “I finally found the cure.”

* * *

“May I have your attention, please?” a voice boomed, interrupting the chatter. The crowd quieted and turned their attention towards the stage, where a tall, elderly wizard stood.

“Thank you. Now, as most of you know, the Gold Cauldron Prize is the most prestigious honor in the field awarded to one potions master every year. The recipient must have created a revolutionary potion that has not only changed lives for the better, but also saved lives. This year, the Cauldron Prize Committee is pleased to announce that the Gold Cauldron Prize has been awarded to the youngest potions master in the history of this prestigious award. This extraordinary young man received his mastery only one year ago but has already invented countless potions, including the one that earned him this Gold Cauldron. May I present the creator of the cure for exitiale languorem, Potions Master Severus Snape!”

There was a round of applause, and Severus rose gracefully from his seat. The young potions master strode confidently to the stage where he was congratulated by the Head of the Cauldron Prize Committee and handed a cauldron-shaped gold trophy. Stepping onto the podium, Severus turned to address the audience. “Well, I must say, I certainly never thought that I would be the owner of a gold cauldron, although I can see the appeal,” he commented wryly, prompting amused laughter from the audience.

Severus smiled. “When I first started my work on the cure,” he began, “my only goal was to find a way to prevent exitiale languorem from claiming more lives. Even after the potion was successfully tested and published in a journal, I never even imagined that I would one day be standing here before you at this ceremony. It is truly an honor to be a Gold Cauldron recipient, and I thank the Cauldron Committee for awarding me this incredible recognition.

“However, my success would not have been possible without the help of my incredible mentors, whom I would like to acknowledge tonight. First and foremost, I would like to thank my wonderful colleagues and friends, Professors Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall. I could not have gone on this journey without their constant support and belief in me, and it is due to their mentorship that I have made it this far,” Severus said, meeting the teary eyes of his mentors. They had done so much for him, and he couldn’t be more grateful to have the two of them in his life.

Clearing his throat, he continued. “Second, I would like to thank Healer Tom Riddle. Without Tom’s unwavering patience, dedication, and support, I can honestly say that I would not be here today. Thank you, Tom,” Severus said, receiving a smile and a nod of acknowledgement in return.

“And lastly,” he finished quietly. “I would like to thank Lily Evans. Lily was my first childhood friend and my best friend ever since we met at age nine. She tragically passed away last year from exitiale languorem, but it was in her memory that I created this potion.” Holding up his gold cauldron, he took a deep breath. “To my best friend Lily, I dedicate this award to you.” There was a loud round of applause, and Severus stepped off of the podium and into his mentors’ embraces.

“I’m so proud of you, Sev,” Minerva murmured, wrapping him in a warm embrace.

“Congratulations, Severus,” Tom praised. “My superiors at St. Mungo’s tell me they are eager to continue working with such a talented potions master,” he added with a knowing smile.

Severus’ cheeks turned a light pink. “Thank you, Tom. Please tell St. Mungo’s that I look forward to our future collaborations as well,” he mumbled awkwardly, eliciting an affectionate laugh from his healer.

“Congratulations, Severus,” Albus said, giving him a tight hug. “We are so proud of you, son,” he whispered into his ear.

“Thanks, Dad,” Severus replied softly.

The young man rolled his eyes when Minerva reached out to straighten his bow tie. “Now, go talk with your admirers,” she teased.

Severus blushed but obediently left to mingle with the other potions masters and previous bronze, silver, and gold cauldron winners. He could still hardly believe that at the age of nineteen, he had been awarded the most prestigious prize that a potions master could ever receive. And to be surrounded by the potions masters whom he had admired since childhood was surreal.

“Master Snape!” a voice called. Severus turned around and saw a tall man, probably about forty, striding towards him.

“Hello, sir,” he said. The wizard definitely looked familiar from potions magazines, but he couldn’t seem to remember the man’s name.

“I want to say congratulations and thank you, Master Snape, for your work in creating the cure to exitiale languorem. My niece recently contracted the disease, and our family was, of course, devastated. She was one of the patients who elected to try the trial treatment at St. Mungo’s. With your potion, she is now cured and expected to live a long life. It’s truly thanks to you, young man. You have saved countless lives with your invention,” the man said.

Severus felt a warm glow at the compliment. He knew that his cure would save many lives, but to hear a personal story was especially touching. “Thank you, sir. I am very glad that my potion was able to cure your niece, and I hope that there will be many others whose lives are improved because of it.”

“That there will be, Master Snape. Oh, I apologize! I forget to introduce myself in all of the excitement. My name is Damocles Belby,” the man said, holding out his hand.

Severus did his best to avoid gaping as he shook Belby’s hand. This was the man who had invented the Wolfsbane Potion and received an Order of Merlin only a few years ago! “It-It’s a true honor to meet you, Master Belby!”

The man laughed. “Thank you, Master Snape, but please call me Damocles. After all, we are colleagues now.”

Severus nodded. “Call me Severus then, please.” He hesitated, wondering if it would be impolite of him to ask the famous potions master a few questions. “Master Bel- I mean, Damocles, if you don’t mind me asking, could you explain how you figured out what ingredient would react with the aconite to create a sedative in the Wolfsbane Potion?” he rushed out eagerly, unable to keep his inner potions curiosity from revealing itself.

Belby chuckled. “Ah, well, Severus, it was actually quite simple. When the porcupine quills melted after being combined with the hemlock, I knew…”

From across the room, Albus, Minerva and Tom stood together, watching their young colleague with pride. “It appears that Severus has made quite a name for himself,” Tom commented dryly, watching as a line of sorts formed behind Damocles Belby. It seemed that all of the potions masters wanted to have a word with the newest Gold Cauldron recipient.

Albus chuckled. “Indeed. Our dear boy will likely be occupied for quite a while.”

Minerva smiled. “He has certainly grown into a remarkable young man.”

* * *

By the time the award ceremony had come to an end, Severus was more than ready to return to his quarters for a nice, relaxing drink in his favorite armchair. Speaking with so many talented, brilliant potions masters had been incredibly inspiring, but right now Severus just wanted to go home.

“Ready to return to Hogwarts, my boy?” Albus asked.

Severus nodded, smiling tiredly. Shrinking the gold cauldron trophy engraved with his name, he tucked it into a secure pocket. “Let’s go home.”

When they reached the castle, Severus paused by the entrance and turned to face his colleagues. “You are all welcome to join me in my quarters for a nightcap, if you wish. I was given a couple of bottles of congratulatory oak-matured mead,” he said invitingly.

“Why thank you, Severus. We would be delighted to join you, especially if you still have some of that Scotch whisky left,” Minerva replied, striding for his quarters.

Severus snorted in amusement as he followed his mentor to the dungeons. Minerva had noticed his bottle of scotch a few nights ago during a chess game and had promptly stopped mid-play to pour herself a glass. Severus hadn’t even known it was possible to cross the room so quickly until he’d seen Minerva practically apparate in front of his liquor cabinet.

Entering his quarters, the potions master flicked his wand to summon four glasses and two bottles. Opening up the oak-matured mead, he graciously poured three glasses before pouring a fourth from the second bottle. “And here is your Scotch whisky, Minerva,” he said with a smirk.

“Ah, thank you, Severus. It’s always nice to relax with a glass of scotch after a long day of teaching. Although former underage students have also seemed to enjoy scotch as a celebratory drink, if my memory serves me right,” she commented wryly.

The corners of Severus' mouth twitched. He remembered in his fifth year, after OWLs, one of his year mates had smuggled a few bottles of scotch into the Slytherin common room, where they’d thrown a huge party and gotten absolutely wasted. Unfortunately, Slughorn had caught them and had immediately informed the Deputy Headmistress, who had not been at all pleased. “You made us all write 500 lines of ‘I will not drink alcohol until I am of age’ on the second to last day of term!” Severus accused indignantly. “We were held prisoners in the Great Hall for four hours straight!”

“Ah, yes. I do remember Minerva informing me that the Great Hall would be occupied for the entire afternoon. I was quite confused as detentions had never been held that close to summer break,” Albus chuckled.

Minerva smirked. “You broke school rules and the law, young man. You all had to face the consequences for your actions. Besides, your punishment certainly seemed to work. I never recall catching any of your year mates drinking under age again.”

“That’s because you threatened to make us scrub the Great Hall with our toothbrushes if you caught us again!” Severus returned indignantly.

Albus chuckled and reached out to ruffle the dark hair, earning a Death Glare Level 10. “Oh, my dear boy. You certainly did get up to a lot of mischief during your school days.”

“A troublemaker, Severus? I would never have guessed,” Tom drawled teasingly.

Severus blushed at the amused look his healer sent him. “I did not!” he protested.

Albus laughed. “Oh no, of course not, my boy. You certainly didn’t make a potion to turn the Gryffindors into lion cubs, or put sticking charms on all the chairs at the staff table in the Great Hall, or ‘accidentally’ transfigure your desk into a giant snake in order to avoid detention, or supply Peeves with dungbombs to drop outside the potions lab so that you could have the lab to yourself, or—”

Severus groaned. “For the love of Merlin, Albus! You don’t have to tell Tom every bit of mischief I ever got into as a student!” he said, his cheeks flushed a bright red.

“But we can’t forget that time when you and the rest of the Slytherins decided to go skinny dipping in the Great Lake and—”

“Watch it, old coot,” Severus warned playfully. “You better stop talking now, or I’ll-”

“Or you’ll what, Severus?” Albus challenged in a mock-threatening voice.

“Or I’ll take away your lemon drops!” Severus said triumphantly.

“Nonsense, Severus. I would hex you long before you could get your hands on my lemon drops,” the older wizard said, smiling brightly. “However, I will acquiesce to your wishes and stop telling stories for now.”

“Thank Merlin,” the young man sighed with relief.

“Yes, Albus, give the poor boy a break. Severus is a shade of red that I’ve only ever seen when I caught him and Ms. Jacobsen on the Astronomy Tower in his fourth year,” Minerva added with a slight smirk.

“Minerva!” Severus cried. “Damn interfering old tabby,” he muttered without heat as he lifted his hands to his face in embarrassment.

“Oh, Severus, it’s alright. I’m sure we all got into quite a bit of mischief during our school days as well,” Tom laughed.

“Oh yes, we certainly did,” Albus confirmed, his eyes twinkling. “Anyway, once again, congratulations on your prestigious award, Severus. You certainly deserve it.”

“Yes, we are all very proud of you, child,” Minerva added fondly, “and in light of your most recent recognition, I would like to propose a toast in your honor,” she continued, raising her glass. “To Severus. An incredible person, colleague, and potions master. Congratulations on your successes, and may there be many more,” Minerva finished, smiling affectionately at him.

“To Severus,” Albus and Tom repeated warmly.

As their glasses clinked together, Severus smiled with true happiness. He knew that he still had issues to work through, and that recovery would be a long journey with many ups and downs. But for now, knowing that he finally had people who would be with him every step of the way, that was enough. He was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Thank you so much to all of my wonderful readers and reviewers! It has been a pleasure going on this year-long journey with you all, and I hope that you have enjoyed this story. Thanks again for all of your support :)


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